Share your txt jokes

**MSTRS:Me** · 26th July 2011, 17:35

News Flash: Amy Winehouse has been sober for 48 hours.

**nzmikey** · 26th July 2011, 17:53

Mc Donalds have a new combo called the amy winehouse.its just coke and ice

**Jase H** · 27th July 2011, 10:48

Rupert Murdoch has released a statement saying how touched he was by the messages of sympathy left on Amy Winehouse's voicemail.

**crazyhorse** · 1st August 2011, 22:35

Went to weight watchers last night, opened a pack of maltesers and threw them on the floor.....

Have to admit, it was the best game of hungry hippos I've ever seen!

**<G>** · 2nd August 2011, 21:18

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized 7 blokes then
dropped the mike on his foot & said "F**k me".

What happened next will haunt me forever...

************************************************** *

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army Soup Kitchen.

All I said was, "will you bastards hurry up, some of us have a home to go
to".

**MSTRS:Me** · 5th August 2011, 09:57

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of whiteout. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

**nzmikey** · 5th August 2011, 23:37

I was pulled over at midnight last night by a cop
he asked me where i was going at this hour .
I said i was off to a lecture about the effects of drugs & alcohol on the human body.
Bullshit ,who gives lectures at this hour ?? he said
My wife , i replied.

**Smifffy** · 12th August 2011, 08:14

Just ordered my adidas all blacks jersey online. Got a great deal from a lad in tottenham. A little smoke damaged apparently but should clean up ok.

**crazyhorse** · 15th August 2011, 17:02

Arab terrorists have gone on the rampage in South Auckland killing anyone that looks like a Kiwi.

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 5!!!!

**MSTRS:Me** · 18th August 2011, 10:41

Young Jimmy was taking confession when he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked. The priest nodded and said "Yes Jimmy, indeed it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have".

**MSTRS:Me** · 26th August 2011, 17:02

I came home from the pub last night and said to the wife "Lets play rape".

She looked up and replied "No, I don't want to."

I smiled, undid my belt and said "That's the spirit!"