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Thread: Share your txt jokes

  1. #1036
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile

    I had my first
    parachute jump
    today and I was
    terrified.This guy
    srapped himself to
    me and we jumped
    out.As we
    plummited he said
    "So how long have
    you been an
    instructor?"

  2. #1037
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Jokes

    I've just been to
    the army recruitment
    office and asked for
    sercice in Iraq or
    Afghanistan.The
    recruitment officer
    said that they are
    both war zones.
    Extremely hostile
    enviroments.
    where you will be
    hated.There will
    be lots of
    screaming and
    people trying to
    kill each other on a
    daily basis and
    whatever you do
    will go
    unappreciated
    have you any sort
    of training for
    this? Yes sir I
    replied I live with
    teenage
    stepdaughters!

    I hate it when
    people can't let go
    of the past,,,,...Debt
    collectors are the
    worst.

  3. #1038
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Jokes

    I found the pot at the end of
    the rainbow.Too bad the
    lepechaun had already fucking
    smoked it.

    So apparently
    RSVP'ing back to a
    wedding invite
    "maybe next time"
    isn't the correct
    response.

    Apparently the average person
    has sex 89 times a year.
    This is going to be a fucking
    brilliant week.

  4. #1039
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    My grandfather
    just died.In a way
    I'm quite proud of
    him.He died
    having sex with
    my grandma,he is
    93 years old and
    was getting his
    thing on.Anyways
    my grandma said
    "We were doing it
    on sunday
    morning because he
    could use the
    church bells to
    pace himself.I
    think he would be
    alive today if an
    icecream van
    hadn't gone past."

  5. #1040
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Jokes

    Life advice for the ladies:
    If you're running late and
    you says it's
    because you were masturbating,men
    won't even care about the 'late' part.

    If you have ever sat in the
    toilet at work and
    wondered how long you
    can sit there before
    someone searches for you,
    the answer is 47 minutes.

  6. #1041
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Valentine's Day Jokes

    My girlfriend told me
    she hoped I had
    something planned for
    Valentine's Day.I
    said,"I'm working on it."
    and she smiled,which
    was weird as I thought
    she would be upset that
    I'm having to work on
    Valentine's Day.

    I told my girlfriend
    last year."For
    Valentines Day,I'm
    going to give
    you the sun,the
    moon,and the
    stars," she was so
    excited,until she
    unwrapped her
    new telescope,which
    I am currently using
    to find a new
    girlfriend.

    I said to my
    missus,"If I ask
    you what you
    would like for a
    Valentine's Day
    gift,you'd just say
    nothing,wouldn't
    you?" "Yes." she
    replied."Ok then,"
    I answered,"You
    might as well
    have your present
    now then."

  7. #1042
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Jokes

    The difference between
    the marfia and the
    goverment is that the
    mafia makes a profit!

    My lad is in his
    first proper
    relationship,I
    was trying to
    give him the
    advice about
    women that my
    dad gave me.I
    said,"Never think
    you can win an
    argument with a
    woman by using
    logic,that never
    works." "Even if
    you are right,
    never prove it
    because she will
    then punish you
    for proving her
    wrong and you
    will wish you had
    just given in."
    "And finally you
    can never win on
    a single point
    because women
    always get
    Historical." He
    said,"Surely you
    mean Hysterical"
    I said,"No son
    they bring up
    every fucking
    thing you have
    done wrong in
    your entire life."

  8. #1043
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    Not all men want
    a relationship just
    for sex.We want
    sandwiches and
    washing done
    too.

    Tips for girls dating
    cannibals.

    1.Avoid giving head.

    2.Clarify what eat your pussy means.

    3.Never allow his mates to come
    round and spit roast you.

  9. #1044
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Jokes

    The missus asked
    me to be more like
    Liverpool during
    sex."What the
    Fuck" I said,
    "Well,you stay on
    top for ages then
    come 2nd she
    replied.

    Some bastard just
    pinched a pair of my
    wife's knickers off the
    washing line.She's not
    bothered about the
    knickers but she wants
    the 12 pegs back.

  10. #1045
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile

    An 8 year old girl went
    to office with her father
    on "Take Your Kid to
    work day." As they
    were walking around
    the office the young girl
    started crying and
    getting very cranky.
    Her father asked what
    was wrong with her.As
    the staff gathered
    round,she sobbed
    loudly "Daddy where
    are all the clowns that
    you said you worked
    with?"

    Last night I went to a
    bar and the most crazy
    thing happened.Some
    chick got her nipple
    pierced in front of me
    On an unrelated
    subject...I suck at
    darts.

  11. #1046
    Join Date
    13th April 2018 - 20:36
    Bike
    2015 CBR1000rr
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    95
    Quote Originally Posted by Bikkie View Post
    A
    the staff gathered
    round,she sobbed
    loudly "Daddy where
    are all the clowns that
    you said you worked
    with?"
    OMG that made me giggle.

    For Sale on Trademe: Dyson vacuum cleaner as new, selling as only collecting dust.

  12. #1047
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Jokes

    Big truck=small dick
    thus
    small car=big dick
    we also know that
    big shoes=big dick
    therefore
    small car+big shoes=huge dick
    So CLOWNS.....


    Some people are
    like clouds.
    When they
    disappear,
    it's a
    beauiful
    day.

  13. #1048
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Smile Text Joke

    I call my wife the
    preying mantis
    because at any
    time without
    provocation she
    may bite my
    fuckinh head off.

  14. #1049
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Text Joke

    What do panties and nail
    polish have in common?
    They both come off
    with alcohol...

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