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Thread: Share your txt jokes

  1. #1066
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Text Joke

    I managed to get out in
    my soft top convertible
    and the old girl got a few
    looks with her top down.
    "Put your pinny back on
    nanna," I said, "It's fucking
    June."

  2. #1067
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Jokes

    Bumper sticker on a
    senior's car.
    I'm speeding because I
    have to get there before I
    forget where I'm going.


    A Spanish greengrocer
    is 1.74 meters tall, has
    a waist circumference
    of 105 centimeters, and
    wears a size of 44. What
    does he weigh?
    Vegetables.

  3. #1068
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Jokes

    Anyone who says their
    wedding day was the
    best day of their life has
    obviously never had two
    snicker bars fall down
    at once from a vending
    machine


    DID YOU KNOW?

    In the 90's Arsenal soccer club had a player
    called David Dicks. When he was injured,
    the Newspaper wrote, "Arsenal to play
    without Dicks."
    The coach was upset so the Newspaper
    changed the headline to read
    "Arsenal to play with Dicks out".... A
    record number of women attended the
    match.

  4. #1069
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Joke

    A young woman had
    been talking golf
    lessons

    She had just started
    playing her first round
    of golf when she
    suffered a bee sting.

    Her pain was so
    intense that she
    decided to return to
    the clubhouse for help and complain.

    Her golf pro Graham saw her come into the
    clubhouse and asked, "why are you back in
    so early? What's wrong?"

    "I was stung by a bee", she said
    "Where?" he asked

    "Between the first and second hole," she
    replied... He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your
    feet were to far apart."


    My husband died in a
    Bungee Accident...
    ... He was brought
    into this world by
    a broken rubber...
    And went out
    the same way.

  5. #1070
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Joke

    A motorcycle is like an
    Essex girl. It makes a lot
    of noise when you ride it.

  6. #1071
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text joke

    Women are like roads, the
    more the curves, the more
    dangerous they are...

  7. #1072
    Join Date
    25th March 2004 - 17:22
    Bike
    RZ496/Street 765RS/GasGas/ etc etc
    Location
    Wellington. . ok the hutt
    Posts
    20,500
    Blog Entries
    2
    Jesus fuking krist.

    Jokes are supposed to be funny.

    You have like the world's record of un-funny text posted.

    I mean really?

    Try a bit harder or flag it.
    Don't you look at my accountant.
    He's the only one I've got.

  8. #1073
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Size Does Matter

    Size Does Matter

    Results of women's survey on size.

    Women's response:

    2 inches - I can't even hold it.

    3 inches - Never been so unsatisfied.

    4 inches - I've had bigger than it.

    5 inches - Good, but I wish a bit bigger.

    6 inches - perfect.

    7 inches - Love it.

    8 inches - Wow! But can't have it all.

    9 inches - painful but manageable.

    10 inches - Too much pressure on stomach.

    This survey was actually a Customers
    Feedback on different Sizes of Subway
    sandwiches!!!! But I love the way you all
    think! This is why I worry about you all.
    Dirty minds!

  9. #1074
    Join Date
    13th April 2007 - 17:09
    Bike
    18 Triumph Tiger 1050 Sport
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    3,802

    Dear neighbour

    Hi Brian, This is Richard, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. Regards Richard P.S. Past my best to your lovely wife too.

    Brian , feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Brian then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard:







    SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:

    Hi, Brian , Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Checker had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.
    “PHEW.....JUST MADE IT............................. UP"

  10. #1075
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Jokes

    Things you can say about your favourite pair of
    shoes but not about your partner.

    I don't like it when I'm
    inside of you and you
    squeak.

    They used to fit tighter.

    Hah the tongue keeps
    getting in the way.


    Things a dentist says that you can't
    say to your partner...

    Wow, I'm not going
    in there.

    And rinse and spit.

    Ah, It's going to take more
    than me to fill that cavity.

    You're just going to feel
    a little prick.

  11. #1076
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5
    Quote Originally Posted by F5 Dave View Post
    Jesus fuking krist.

    Jokes are supposed to be funny.

    You have like the world's record of un-funny text posted.

    I mean really?

    Try a bit harder or flag it.
    Don't read them then!!

  12. #1077
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Text Joke

    I asked a woman today
    what her favorite type
    of man was. She said
    Doctors, Dentists and
    Coal Men.
    How does that work I asked.
    Well the Doctor asks me to take
    my clothes off, the Dentist asks
    me to open my mouth and the
    Coal Man asks me if I want it in
    the front or the back...

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