Feminine products

[Stirts]

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

[Colapop]

She sounds a little tetchy...

[Finn]

And why do they always use blue liquid during television simulations?

Regardless, I much rather endure a little tummy ache once a month than have to shave every fucken day.

[MotoGirl]

And why do they always use blue liquid during television simulations?

Regardless, I much rather endure a little tummy ache once a month than have to shave every fucken day.

Umm, you do realise women have legs and armpits right? We don't have to shave them daily but it's just nicer for everyone...

[yungatart]

And why do they always use blue liquid during television simulations?

Regardless, I much rather endure a little tummy ache once a month than have to shave every fucken day.

You're kidding, right?
You do actually get to choose whether or not you shave. Not too many women can say, "I don't think I'll bother with my period this month."
Wouldn't worry me in the slightest if you never shaved again, however, for those females among us who are of Italian heritage, please don't throw away your razor......but, you do still have to put up with a "little tummy ache" once a month as well, sorry.

[trumpy]

Regardless, I much rather endure a little tummy ache once a month than have to shave every fucken day.

Bit of HRT will fix that no problem but you will of course grow tits instead and also................err no perhaps we shouldn't go there........

[Mom]

I much rather endure a little tummy ache once a month than have to shave every fucken day.

Yep, those little tummy aches are such a non event mate, cant understand why women make such a fuss

Umm, you do realise women have legs and armpits right? We don't have to shave them daily but it's just nicer for everyone...

You missed the best bits out

Not too many women can say, "I don't think I'll bother with my period this month."

But it can be worth considering a permanent solution though

[Finn]

My last comment was a social experiment to find out who on KB was on the rag. I think I know now.

[Number One]

Wouldn't worry me in the slightest if you never shaved again, however, for those females among us who are of Italian heritage, please don't throw away your razor

Italian Or Bulgarian heritage..aherm

AND don't think those of you that get too much skin irritation from shaving and so use epilators, can go throwing those away either...sheesh