Dumb things bikers do without bikes.

**martybabe** · 23rd February 2008, 15:35

I responded to the (dumb things bikers do thread) and I wondered what is the dumbest/stupidest thing I've ever done. It's a big list but here's my winner.
Please share yours.

When I was a Fireman I asked around to see if anyone had a wetsuit for sale cause I'm a tight bastard, no,cause money was a little scarce. Turns out my little mate from the next station had one and although shorter in stature than me we were about the same build.

Next night shift he dropped it round and said" try it on mart,if it's any good gis 20 quid". Well he buggered off and it was one of them quiet nights when Joe public was behaving them selves, so I popped down to the bog to try it on.

Well I pushed and pulled,stretched and twanged jumped off the toilet bowl,sweat pouring outta me and turning to super glue,shoved me fat in determined to get myself a bargain and finally after about fifteen minutes, got the zip done up on this midget special.

. I turned sideways to look in the mirror to see my spine had adopted a permanent s shape, I aint kidding I was physically unable to stand up straight.

At this very moment whilst in a rubberised fetal position, the tannoy system crackles into life. "PUMP 2 RESPOND TO PERSONS REPORTED NUMBER 15 yada yada yada" OH my fooking god.

Well I ran,tripped bounced and hopped me way to the fire engine, where a bunch o big ugly basts were already in fire kit ,sirens blaring waiting for the human condom. Do you think I could get in the bugger! I couldn't bend me bloody knees at all.I'm fookin bouncing up and down like tigger,trying to get just one leg on the back o the truck to the sound of histerical laughter and nee naas. I was hauled in by me mates and we took off at a million miles an hour .

Bwahaha, what the feck are ya doin Mart? "shut the fack up and GET ME OUT THIS BASTARD!!!"

By the time we got to the job,I had one arm free and the other was torn clean off, no spiggin chance with the rest of it.

Smoke was billowing out the upper floor as me buds dismounted and I was left half naked rolling on the floor in the back of the truck.Bystanders were left bemused as five fireman rushed towards a serious fire, laughing their stupid heads of cannabis stylie. I managed to get me legings on and stuffed the upper half of the wetsuit under me jacket looking for all the world like the first ever pregnant firefighter, then ran around for an hour doing hero things with the blood supply to my legs completely cut off and me family jewels retracting under the intense rubber onslaught.

Back at the fire station, It took three blokes to get me out of the fecking thing in a most undignified manner, laughter and derision filled the night air.

The remnants of the rubber straight jacket were burned on the BBQ and I gave the little bastard his 20 quid. I have never ever lived this incident down,never!

Beat that for stoopid, i dare ya.

**TOTO** · 23rd February 2008, 19:38

hahahaha fantastic story. bling awarded !

**Swampdonkey** · 23rd February 2008, 19:58

Beautiful....good yarn onyah Marty..Bet the boys still bring that one up after a couple of coldys

**TOTO** · 23rd February 2008, 20:00

Ok Here is my frinds story and ...mine

One day I'm at work and I get a call on my cell. Its my friend and he calls me to to tell me he needs help, NOW.

My friend is a very keen on Jetski-ing but suffering from "money saving disability" he is always short on cash so he does most things the cheapest way possible.

My friend has gone jetski-ing whole day in St.Helliers and had fun but when it was time to pull the jetski out of the water by himself, he was very tired and could not do it. So his smart brain desided that his 2WD stationwagon would do just fine. Boy was he wrong. Turns out the car dug into the wet St.Helliers sand and got stuck with the High tide just starting...

I bust into laughing, and start telling him how dumb he is to take his 2WD car onto wet sand and get stuck with the tide coming. I used colourful language to emphasise my point.

Anyway, what are friends for so I leave work and go in St.Helliers (which is 10minutes away) and without even thinking I DRIVE MY 2WD STATIONWAGON onto the sand. I get the rope. I tie the rope, get in the car and....took exactly 5 seconds to get my car stuck in the sand with the tide coming.

Slight detail - his stationwagon was worth $1000 max , mine was about $10 000

I felt like the the dummer guy from the movie "Dumb and Dummer".

Thank god that one very nice guy on a big 4WD pulled me out, but my friends 1000dollar car and all his stuff was not so lucky. Half of his car (the bottom half) was left in the salty water for about 4-5 hours untill the low tide and then we dug and pulled it out.

His car has never started since, mine got sold in perfect condition LOL

**BiK3RChiK** · 23rd February 2008, 20:38

That's a real good one Marty! You just killed me with laughter!

Here's my one...

Hubby & I are up at the aero club (in Kaitaia) one evening when the club president and a number of other members rush in saying there is an emergency ambulance flight coming in and we have to put out the runway lights, which are kerosene lanterns that put out fuck-all light for just such occasions.

Awesome! Some REAL action!! Yep! We'll be in on that.. Woohoo! So out come all the lanterns and off we go in the presidents 4wd and put them all down each side of the runway.

Then some bright spark decides that the thing to do is park the van at the end of the runway from the end the plane will be coming in and light up the runway with the headlights of the van. The only problem is that the red tail lights need to be covered because the pilot will think he is landing at the wrong end of the runway... So I volunteer to stand in front one side of the tail-lights, someone else on the other... Everyone is standing around jabbering in eager anticipation waiting... Then we hear the plane.. Yep, there it is, lights blinking away in the distance, getting closer & closer. Fuck, it's getting close! Bloody hell, I'm gonna die tonight!!!! Nose-dive into the dirt as the plane whooshes over the top of us about 6 foot away!!!! Everyone going 'Fuck that was close' and LOTS of nervous laughter, then, "Where's Mavis?" Mate, I was GONE! Scrambled into the 4wd as fast as my legs could take me, vowing and declaring "I will NEVER do that again!!!!"

Damage: dislocated my neck and scared the living shit out of myself. Nearly gave myself a coronary.

Pilot didn't realise we were there until the last minute and said "There's no way I'd have been standing there!"

M

**Trudes** · 23rd February 2008, 21:31

hahhaaha, you guys are all fucked in the head.

**martybabe** · 23rd February 2008, 22:24

Oh lord,it's taken longer to reply than write the thread, I keep cocking it up,I've been crying me self stupid.

Absolutely brilliant. Yeah I'm not the only nutter on the planet !

Thanx guys, I was beginning to wonder if there was anyone out there. It's not easy admitting to the world your an idiot.

**FJRider** · 23rd February 2008, 22:46

There was a time, many years ago,I did a parachute demonstration jump at an airshow at Whenuapai airport. At the last moment I decided to jump NUDE. It was a low level jump onto a deserted part of the airfield. A sudden wind change brought me a little closer to the crowd than I desired. And my hands were busy controlling the dam chute. Nowhere to hide

**steveb64** · 24th February 2008, 02:50

Originally Posted by martybabe

Oh lord,it's taken longer to reply than write the thread, I keep cocking it up,I've been crying me self stupid.

Absolutely brilliant. Yeah I'm not the only nutter on the planet !

Thanx guys, I was beginning to wonder if there was anyone out there. It's not easy admitting to the world your an idiot.

LOL! Yeah Marty - but damn funny!

+1

**Animal** · 24th February 2008, 03:31

Originally Posted by martybabe

...When I was a Fireman I asked around to see if anyone had a wetsuit for sale cause I'm a tight bastard...

Hilarious! Bling awarded.

**martybabe** · 24th February 2008, 06:46

Originally Posted by Swampdonkey

Beautiful....good yarn onyah Marty..Bet the boys still bring that one up after a couple of coldys

Never ever meet up without the subject commin up. Hey Mart do you remember.......YES, now feck off and get me a beer.

It aint like I can't see the humour in it, I wouldn't have posted this otherwise, infact it was feckin hillarious. I just wish sometimes I could have watched it rather than been it.

**BiK3RChiK** · 24th February 2008, 07:57

Originally Posted by martybabe

Never ever meet up without the subject commin up. Hey Mart do you remember.......YES, now feck off and get me a beer.

It aint like I can't see the humour in it, I wouldn't have posted this otherwise, infact it was feckin hillarious. I just wish sometimes I could have watched it rather than been it.

Hahaha.. That had me laughing so hard I was crying! We just gotta meet this weekend coming up... +1 to you.

M

**martybabe** · 24th February 2008, 13:54

Originally Posted by BiK3RChiK

Hahaha.. That had me laughing so hard I was crying! We just gotta meet this weekend coming up... +1 to you.

M

You'd be very welcome but don't expect any repeat performances. I couldn't do it again,I have flashbacks as it is.

**Mikkel** · 24th February 2008, 22:31

I've done a lot of stupid shit - usually while being so drunk I couldn't remember it until my mates reminded me... How I have managed to avoid significant bodily injury to this day is beyond me (I've been close though).

Once in Cairns, I had just arrived by plane from Sydney and was set to go on a 3 day diving trip early the next morning. Anyway, I met an english fella and we hit the piss big time at Jono's blues bar. Long story short - several long island iceteas, a short visit at the casino and a few more drinks at the woolshed later - I was back at the backpackers and fooling around with some girl. We tried our best at breaking into the pool area for a late night swim - but without luck. At some stage I more or less passed out - luckily my homing instinct is pretty good at getting me back to my own bed.
Very early next morning my alarm clock went off. I was of course still comatose and didn't really wake up until the cleaning lady came in around 10 am.
I spent most of the day wandering around town in a haze of hangovers trying to figure out how much it would cost to get a helicopter/waterplane/speedboat take me out to the dive boat.
In the end I went out the next morning and just missed one day of the dive trip...

One for the firemen:
In my hometown some 30 years ago they had just built a brand sparking new fire station.
Not long after the completion the fire chief held his 25th anniversiary and all of the guys were of course invited.
At some point during the night the phone rings and the chief answers. The guy at the other end informs him that the new fire station is burning. Real funny prank call - the firemen all had a big laugh about it and got back into drinking... except it wasn't a prank call. It burned. To the ground. Needless to say the fire engines burned with it. Talk about a bad hangover?