Should I be pissed off?

[riffer]

That makes more sense now mate. Cheers for that.

Gini says she hopes I take her jealousy as a compliment, rather than any attempt to control me - cause that wouldn't be her intent.

I still don't have a problem telling anyone my wife wouldn't be happy about something if it was the truth.

[MSTRS:Me]

That makes more sense now mate. Cheers for that.

Gini says she hopes I take her jealousy as a compliment, rather than any attempt to control me - cause that wouldn't be her intent.

I still don't have a problem telling anyone my wife wouldn't be happy about something if it was the truth.

Not everyone is happy or comfortable with that sort of situation in a relationship. To me, it comes down to trust and not doing anything that betrays that trust. A two-way street. But if I am not trusted to do the right thing, then there must be a deeper issue that needs dealing with before it festers and destroys me, or us. The OP may not have that sort of situation, it just came across that way to a certain extent.

[mstriumph]

.....................Personally, I have to say that its bloody hard for women sometimes, in this game. A number of years ago I moved to a new town, and tried to join a local motorcycle club there. Allegedly a "friendly" club! At the time I was single, and had my own bike. New in town, I went along to club meetings several times and guess what??? Hardly anybody would talk to me. The only ones who did were single guys who mostly tried to hit on me. Couples froze me completely. The women wouldn't talk to me, for reasons that are sad and pathetic and not too difficult to work out. The men wouldn't talk to me because they got shit from their wives and girlfriends if they did.

I persevered for a few months with that stupid club, and each time went home feeling more lonely than I did when I got there. In the end I stopped going, because I was sick of feeling like I had to prove I wasn't out to steal someone's bloke. Other women have told me they've had the same kind of experiences and they all said the same thing - it was horrible, hurtful, and completely unfair. All we wanted was to be accepted for who we were, into a group of people whose way of life appealed to us through common interests.

............

must be universal - because that's exactly what happened to me in a Perth bike club - still happens when i bother to turn up and is the major reason i don't attempt to socialise [the other being that if i wanted to sit around and discuss girl things i'd join the women's institute ]

- it's not by any means all, but there's an element there that are clique-y, snide and defensive as all hell ......

life's too short

[Speedracer]

He of course said no.....
1. "My wife wouldn't like it"
2. "I didn't help my husband get XXX so that some other person could ... enjoy [it]"

this is typical chick think that makes no sense to guys...
I reckon this is what happened

Guy think:
Friends pressure guy to give a ride to some random
Guy realises this is not a good idea (TM)
Guy finds the nicest way to say no which is to point out that his wife would not allow such an act (which is true and it's not as harsh as saying no).
Guy thinks he has defused the situation as best he could and all is well.

Chick think:
Pick out some random comment #1
Take the worst possible meaning of #1
Turn #1 into #2.
Start imagining #2 is what really happened

Outcome
Wife is annoyed
Husband is confused

[mstriumph]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]...........IF the marriage was rock solid this would be no problem.

don't know if i'd agree with that
it comes to bike-ownership, not bloke-trust - if he couldn't be trusted he would have pillioned the stranger and said nothing about it

i understand her to say that half that bike is hers ...so she has an equal say in who rides it and who doesn't .....

as i understand it, their mates KNEW she was was territorial about the seat [nothing wrong with that - heck - i'm territorial about my entire bike ]and yet they expected her bloke to disregard that ....

i'd be upset - upset with those that asked him ..... good on him for saying no

[Sofa]

don't know if i'd agree with that
it comes to bike-ownership, not bloke-trust - if he couldn't be trusted he would have pillioned the stranger and said nothing about it

i understand her to say that half that bike is hers ...so she has an equal say in who rides it and who doesn't .....

as i understand it, their mates KNEW she was was territorial about the seat [nothing wrong with that - heck - i'm territorial about my entire bike ]and yet they expected her bloke to disregard that ....

i'd be upset - upset with those that asked him ..... good on him for saying no

totally agree with that I think sometimes sometimes us females just think too much sometimes and that's half the reason these things turn into big deals oh well, the other half is men, but I don't think thats news to anyone

[Macktheknife]

I am new to this site so not quite sure if I am posting in the right section, but I think it is a female issue. My husband and I jointly bought a Fatboy and as I work away alot he goes on runs by himself with his mates. I have no issues with this. However today he came home and told me his friends who I have met a few times had asked if their friend a female whom I don't know from a bar of soap could jump on the back of our bike and go on this run with them. He of course said no, but the reply was "my wife wouldn't like it" . Not of course he wouldn't like it. He says I'm being stupid I on the other hand are pretty pissed that his friends, so called my friends even asked him that. My thoughts are I didn't help my husband get his $40.000 dream bike so that some other person could get on it and enjoy my ride. Your views please.

"He says I'm being stupid"
He is right. Why does this need to be some kind of conspiracy? Calm down already, he said no and he was honest with you, the 'friends' probably just made an innocent 'mistake'. Leave it at that.


"Your views please"
Maybe you need to take a look around the motorcycling community, most riders will help out other riders whenever possible. This includes pillion rides, recovery of bikes, pre-purchase inspection of bikes, assistance in fixing bikes, setting up bikes, etc. People often want to try a different riding experience on the back of someone else's bike, the fact that yours is a Harley could make this even more likely. Maybe you are selfish, as you described yourself in the later post, maybe you just haven't given us enough information to make a clear distinction to what the heck you have to be angry about. Either way, calm down, try and think rationally, you will only make it worse otherwise.
If you are truly this upset just because someone asked for a pillion on the bike, maybe you should seek some help in working on your anger management issues, because this is a really out of proportion response.

[maxworldbiker]

Well, bloody AMEN, to this being all out of proportion!

Over-analysis (read: obsession!) is the quickest route to madness.

If she wants to go there, that's up to her. Whoever goes there with her? Well, that's up to them!

[CookMySock]

.... But if I am not trusted to do the right thing, then there must be a deeper issue that needs dealing with before it festers and destroys me, or us. The OP may not have that sort of situation, it just came across that way to a certain extent.

Yes.

Consider ; What am I really afraid of ? That my mate might select a new partner and leave me out in the cold ? Really ? Then I need to get past my own insecurity. She already said she wasn't leaving, and she liked it here, and this was her home, so why don't I believe her ?

The fact is, I don't own anyone and they can leave at any time, so get used to it and get over it. The quicker I do this the quicker I will stop damaging my relationship by projecting my own (incorrect) beliefs and insecurities onto it. Let it go and watch it come back free.

This was the hardest thing I have ever done. (giving up smoking was pretty tough too..)

Once you are past this, all sorts of opportunities open up.

DB

[YellowDog]

I think he did the right thing.

Any guy is normally happy to take any girl on the back of 'the bike he is currently riding'.
In fact the only reason he'd say no is that 'His wife wouldn't like it'.
or maybe if she didn't have the right gear...
or if he only rode a KR150, (but even then there the 'Lets start at the top of that hill' response.)

also, she might not have looked fit enough

In my opinion Mudthug would have every right to be pissed off if he had given someone neither of them knew a ride on the jointly owned $40k vibrator.

He could have let her ride pillion and then lied about it, but instead he is getting a hard time for being honest. All he did was come up with a good excuse to avoid a potential situation. He did this out of respect for Mudhug, not because he would have minded.

Pass on my congratulations to him for being a good bloke.

Mudhug, you're being unreasonable and causing unjustified stresses in your relationship.

[MSTRS:Me]

.... He did this out of respect for Mudthug....

...or because he is scared of her?
The fact that she owns half a $40K jobby might just give her a hold over him?
Perhaps we are all making way too much of this, including the OP.

[PrincessBandit]

Guy think:
Friends pressure guy to give a ride to some random
Guy realises this is not a good idea (TM)
Guy finds the nicest way to say no which is to point out that his wife would not allow such an act (which is true and it's not as harsh as saying no).
Guy thinks he has defused the situation as best he could and all is well.

Chick think:
Pick out some random comment #1
Take the worst possible meaning of #1
Turn #1 into #2.
Start imagining #2 is what really happened

I think you have a good handle on male/female interactions. Seriously. I think some women do over analyse stuff and read all sorts of things into words or situations which had never entered a guys brain. Please note: I am not saying this is true about the original posting which began this thread!!!! I am agreeing that wot speedracer just said, as a generalisation, rings pretty true in my opinion. Sometimes women would benefit from using their "guy brain" to see a situation for the relatively simple issue it is rather than the over complex and convoluted hidden meanings that sometimes we women specialise in .
**PB takes to the hills to escape the coming persecution**

[MSTRS:Me]

Seriously. I think some women do over analyse stuff and read all sorts of things into words or situations which had never entered a guys brain.

Before it gets PD'd, have a read...

[oldrider]

I am new to this site so not quite sure if I am posting in the right section, but I think it is a female issue. My husband and I jointly bought a Fatboy and as I work away alot he goes on runs by himself with his mates. I have no issues with this. However today he came home and told me his friends who I have met a few times had asked if their friend a female whom I don't know from a bar of soap could jump on the back of our bike and go on this run with them. He of course said no, but the reply was "my wife wouldn't like it" . Not of course he wouldn't like it. He says I'm being stupid I on the other hand are pretty pissed that his friends, so called my friends even asked him that. My thoughts are I didn't help my husband get his $40.000 dream bike so that some other person could get on it and enjoy my ride. Your views please.

It is deeper than just this issue, you two need to get to know one another better and I mean "really" get to know one another!

The bike and the pussy on the fanny bracket is just one issue in a lifetime of issues yet to come!

To make it all the way through you have to be able to trust one another and look ahead and avoid things that will displease the other partner.

You really have to work hard on your relationship, "all the bloody time". Good luck, nobody ever said it would be easy! Cheers, John.

[Blue Velvet]