Help: Contract for parents and teenagers

[Skyryder]

IMO It won't work.

You have to give him the best advice, make aware of the implications and danger, let him decide for himself if he wants to ride or not - not just because 'you'd like to see it' - and then let him live his own life.

If he's not ready for it then don't come up with the $.

What this man said.

Skyryder

[skidMark]

Interesting perspective i'm seeing here..

I got my license at 15 and on the day I got it I was someone afraid of going on the road. I had practiced heaps in a car park before hand so knew the basic controls of my bike.. just on the road it's a big difference.

My Dad just said go for a ride to the dairy, 20 metres down the road there were road works and I absolutely stuffed it, made many other mistakes aswell all by myself. I learned to learn very quickly..

Every time I had an Oh Shit! Moment or binned i'd tell my Dad about it and he'd discuss it with me and my technique and what I could change but he's been real free on my riding. He knows when i go open road riding with mates that I like to hoon it a wee bit but he's a big believer of personal responsibility. Or he doesn't love me...

Parents do worry though, it's just a natural part of it.

My parents are always asking me to not ride bikes. But it's only because they care.

[CookMySock]

Thank you skiddy. Thats some good ideas you have there.

DB

[CookMySock]

I think you may be operating under a misapprehension as to what is or is not a "forum". Most definitions use the words "open" and/or "public" and "discussion".

I am not trying to air my views. I am trying to find, and work with, a like-minded group of parents to achieve my goals. Please re-read my original posting. By the time I am done, many others will have achieved their goals as well. As a group, we will have progressed far beyond what we could have achieved individually.

DB

[Hanne]

Well, I am not a parent, but we have a similar situation going on in my house at the moment because my sister is wanting to get her bike licence and of course my mum is worried.

With me, my mum said ok, get your restricted car licence and then you can start with bikes. That was because she wanted me to have more practice on the road first and she wanted me to do it in the car because I started out in the car. Instead of laying down the law she said these are my concerns, this is what i would like to see happen and this is why.

I think the fact that listened to her had more to do with her approach to things than anything else and the way she explained where she was coming from and tried to find a compromise (ideally she wouldn't want any ofher family back on bikes)
So we haven't had 'contracts' as such, but I guess it depends heaps on the individuals too, maybe some people respond better to clearer expectations.

[mstriumph]

I....... Like you I expect, I am keen to have him ride a bike on the road. .......

is this what he wants too?

if so, and you are doing the paying, shell out a little more and get him a decent set of lessons with a good teacher who ISN'T you ..

...... even if you have a good relationship with him, it's prolly better if his ride education is aside from your personal life - your anxieties may intrude if [when] he does something daft in training [we ALL do something daft sooner or later] and it could spill over .......become bigger than ben hur ....

- and that way, when he rides with YOU he can regard it as fun [even if you ARE secretly scrutinizing his every move lol] and YOU can be supportive of how good he's getting .....

if you feel you HAVE to put something in writing, talk it thru, write it down, keep it short and simple .............and drag it out every coupla months, talk it thru again and jointly decide if it's still relevant or needs updating or whatever ...... ie make it the record of an ongoing living agreement between the two of you, not just words on paper frozen in one moment in time .....

[CookMySock]

Thanks mstrimph. Yes he wants this very much. In any case, he needs a regular job first, so no job - no bike, so it's in his control.

I know what you mean about family stresses, but no I will teach him. I decided some years ago, to never do anything that would prevent him from being my best friend. So anyway, his best friend is probably his mum but I come a close 2nd I think. I slip up here and there, but I try hard.

He's done some farm bike time, and he's a clever cookie as well, so we aim to keep the stressful things completely out of it, and keep it calm, interesting, and informative. He won't be permitted to goof off on it though - the road is not for that.

The kids know we watch out for them, and they seem to get that we aren't know-it-all stick-in-the-mud's trying to ruin their fun. We try to get them all the toys, provided they play safe, and this is just an extention of that. Last time it was a jet boat, and they caned hell outa that until they had it sorted. Good fun.

DB

[Maha]

Make him sit down and read all my posts.

(Well - maybe not all of them).

The interesting ones???....shouldn't take that long....
Seriously tho'....A contract of this nature surely must be somewhat of a wind up? Most will agree that a teenager will say yes to anything if its in his/her favour. ''Sign here son''!...''Sure dad''...''Now ya if you detour from what you have agreed to in this contract, I will take the bike off you''...''Sure dad''...''And you will adhere to every letter right''?....''Sure dad''....''You're a good boy, now off you go. Three months later.... Son gets cleaned up by a drunk driver....Any contract wont stop that!
Love and trust your son DB....contract not needed.

[CookMySock]

Most will agree that a teenager will say yes to anything if its in his/her favour. [.....]Love and trust your son DB....contract not needed.

And that is the problem precisely isn't it. So can it be done safely or not ? From what you are saying, the answer is no. Maybe you are right. I extended myself when I was a youngster, and I was fucking lucky. (Once had a rear-engined car sideways in the wet at 90mph - pure luck!)

So maybe this is impossible.

DB

[Tank]

So maybe this is impossible.

DB

I have done this with my eldest two kids. Actually its been very successful.

What I did was buy them both a reasonable car each then they turned 16. It was kept in my name.

The rules were that they had to pay for rego's, WOF's and INSURANCE (even just 3rd party) at all times.

IF they didnt have insurance the car was not allowed on the road.

If they were done for dangerous driving, driving with alcohol, or outside the terms of their licence (after 10pm, other kids in the car etc), the agreement was that I would sell the car, keep the money myself and I would not ever help them financially with another vehicle.

After a few years I signed the first car over (daughter has 2 years to go).

We simply agreed the rules up front, and I promised them that I would follow thru on the punishment - and that they would have to remember that it was their choice to break the rules.

Never had a problem - not once.

[Maha]

I have done this with my eldest two kids. Actually its been very successful.

What I did was buy them both a reasonable car each then they turned 16. It was kept in my name.

The rules were that they had to pay for rego's, WOF's and INSURANCE (even just 3rd party) at all times.

IF they didnt have insurance the car was not allowed on the road.

If they were done for dangerous driving, driving with alcohol, or outside the terms of their licence (after 10pm, other kids in the car etc), the agreement was that I would sell the car, keep the money myself and I would not ever help them financially with another vehicle.

After a few years I signed the first car over (daughter has 2 years to go).

We simply agreed the rules up front, and I promised them that I would follow thru on the punishment - and that they would have to remember that it was their choice to break the rules.

Never had a problem - not once.

That is interesting and good on you for doing so. But yet again I say, teenagers will say yes to anything, in this case, they got car. They stuck to the rules put in place by you and everything turned out sweet.
A verbal agreement might be the better way to go (adult like)

[Tank]

That is interesting and good on you for doing so. But yet again I say, teenagers will say yes to anything, in this case, they got car. They stuck to the rules put in place by you and everything turned out sweet.
A verbal agreement might be the better way to go (adult like)

Indeed - kids will say anything to get what they want. According to my wife Im still like that.

Anyway - the logic behind my approach was that the talk only got them so far (the car) - they had to walk the walk in order to keep it.

[avgas]

Buy him something underpowered.
Something he CAN drop.
Don't buy him petrol.
When he shows some form of maturity get him something decent and have your talk.