Is resignation betrayal?

[Joni]

I don’t often write about personal stuff on KB… but I wanted to get some thoughts, as I am really mulling over something.

About a year ago I joined a company after they head hunted me quite aggressively. In the beginning all was ok, as it always is as everyone is at their best behaviour…

However slowly but surely the Director and her husband (the Financial Manager) started to fight, until after a few months very personal stuff was being aired in the office. This has never settled down… however a few months ago they started treating me like that as well… slightly aggressive, abusive and quite personal which I feel is way above the level of standard professional courtesy.

Through being upset about it and mulling of a career change, I eventually started looking for another position and have now been offered something that will open the doors for me in what I want to do in the future.

However, now all of a sudden I feel so stink… when my boss is not fighting, she is a damn nice lady and I get on with her really well… its just at times she is a genuine bully. But I feel so guilty about telling her about my decision… that I am trying to get out of doing it Monday.

Phew!

So my loyalty is something that I pride myself in… but when does loyalty need to step back for self preservation??

Oh dear… I feel like a traitorous shit!
Am I being a big softie again?

[jrandom]

Yup, you're being a softy.

Resign immediately and move on.

I could give you a long, motivational paragraph in support of those statements, but you're smart enough to not need it.

[Maverick]

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Even if its not easy.

[JimO]

move on, my wife was in a similar situation and really agonised over leaving she has been in her new job 3 years and is way happier she cant believe she put up with the shit for so long

[idleidolidyll]

it's only a job; get the hell outta there

an employment agency fella told me recently that employers nowdays don't expect to keep their staff beyond 2 years anyway (we were discussing opportunites for advancement)

[Coldrider]

And remember, you can't bank 'thanks', but you can bank experience & growth.

[Usarka]

They'll understand, and if they dont then they're not the sort of people you want to be loyal to in the first place!

[fireball]

put yourself first, open your own doors and step on through.....

loyalty is important but sounds like its time for you move on life is to short to be stuck in an uncomfortable situation

but only you know whats best let us know what you decide!
good luck!

[Ewan Oozarmy]

Life's too short and it's just a job.

[Goblin]

Through being upset about it and mulling of a career change, I eventually started looking for another position and have now been offered something that will open the doors for me in what I want to do in the future.


Am I being a big softie again?

Yes, you're a big softie.
I think you've answered your own question there. If it upset you enough to look for another job, it's not worth continuing working where you are not happy. If you've been offered something that will open doors in the future then go for it! Dont fall into the guilt trap.

[vifferman]

Your first responsibility is to yourself - do what's best for you.
You don't owe this "damn nice lady" anything - you've given them your time and skills, and they've paid you for that.

It's always hard when personal and business life get mixed up, Joni. It happened with my wife - her ex-boss ran a kind of a girls club, treated everyone nice (to their face), but they weren't performing and doing what they were paid for. When Karen started there, the rest of the team didn't like her, because she was efficient and did what she was paid to. It ended up being difficult, as her boss had created a nice "easy job until I retire in 10 years", and had worked hard(ish) to make her job look more complex than it was, so they wouldn't get rid of her. Oh dear - they did! So she sabotaged a lot of things for Karen before she left (and kept trying to after she left!)

Happened with me too - I moved to Chch in 1995, partly because I was friends with a guy there, and wanted to work with him. Took a $7k pay cut to do so. He was so busy being seduced by this ratbag there that he didn't do his job right. He was supposed to be my boss, yet I had to learn everything without his help, and nearly chucked it in after 3 weeks. He ended up leaving his wife (and brand-new baby!) for this scheming bitch. He stopped being my friend in 1996, and I moved back north.

Look out for yourself, Joni - it's not selfish, just sensible.

[Trudes]

I know what you're saying Joni.
I work in a profession where I end up becoming very involved in people's lives (part of the family almost, or is that furniture??), and when you have to move on, you feel a fair amount of guilt, or betrayal.
However, if the job, or their personal stuff, or their attitude towards you is affecting you, making you miserable, then it's best to do what is best for you. Especially if there is a better position on offer, why not.
At the end of the day, you are an employee, they are your employers, and that's what it would no doubt come down to if the shoe is on the other foot.
Good luck luv.

[Jantar]

If you are certain that your new position is confirmed, then resign at the first opportunity. Put your resignation in writing, and state the reasons. Namely: Your future advancement, and their behaviour.

Its too late for them to correct their behaviour in front of you, but it may make them a little more considerate with their next employee.

[Scouse]

Why is resigning showing disloyalty, as long as you have given them your loyalty while you have been working there in the past, and you are upfront about your reasons for moving on, then there is not a lot more that you can do. They certainly seem to have not treated you with the respect that you require and should be treated with. By the way your first post read if you were to stay on you will end up being depresed

[Grahameeboy]

Yep you need to decide what is best for you, not what is best for your employers.