Jokes of the day. (10th)

[Swoop]

One day, a little girl and her mother were shopping and the little girl asked her mother, "Mummy, how old are you?" And the mother said, "Dear, that's something that women don't really like to talk about." So they walked on and the little girl stopped and said, "Mummy, how much do you weigh?" And her mother said, "Honey, that's something else that women don't like talking about." So, they kept walking. Then the girl stopped again and asked, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?" And her mum said, "Sweetheart, that's something that hurt mummy very much and I don't want to talk about it."
The little girl was very frustrated so she went and talked to her best friend. Her best friend told her, "Just sneak a peek at her drivers licence. It's like a profile, it tells you everything."
So the next day when they little girl and her mother were driving to her ballet recital, the little girl said, "Mummy, I know how old you are, you're 36." Her mother was shocked and said, "Heavens, how did you know that?" The little girl just shrugged. A few minutes passed and the little girl said, "I know how much you weigh. You weigh 128 pounds." The mother said, "And how did you know THAT?" The little girl just shrugged again. After 5 minutes, the little girl said, "And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an F in sex."





Red riding hood was walking through the forest when all of a sudden the big bad wolf jumped out and said "Take your blouse off so I can suck your tits!". Red riding hood pulls down her knickers lies on the ground and says "Fuck off, eat me like the book fuckin says!!"

[scorry]

LOL very good

[Virago]

A man goes to the doctor.

"Doctor," he says, "I've got terrible flatulence. Every time I pass wind, it makes a very loud noise that sounds like "HONDA..!"

"Aah" says the doctor. "You've got an anal abscess."

"How do you know that without looking?"

"Easy" says the doctor. "Everone knows that abscess makes the fart go Honda..."

[MSTRS:Me]

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...































....her husband speaks English!