Missus wants to become a copper

**Conquiztador** · 6th July 2008, 23:56

My ex wanted to become police many years ago when we only had one child. We discussed it in lenght. I moved in circles where the police was not always a friend... It would have put a big strain on the relationship. When do you stop being a police? As soon as you clock out? When you come home? Or never? I could see us moving to two completley different social scenes. It certainly would have ment that I had been treated differently by the ones I associated with. And that would have killed anything we had going (in hindsight it would only have made it all happen much quicker, but how was I to know then?).

Anyhow, after some thinking I put up an ultimatum: You do what you want to, but if you join up I will be gone. And in the end she did not join up.

She has always held that against me, and even if it was not the blow that made it all end, I am certain that is was a small piece of the puzzle.

When now looking at it all I would have to say, that as I am not a big fan of the police and she had aspirations to become one, I should have then realised that there was some major differences in how we looked at life. But love tends to make you see things in a strange colour.

So if you are looking for advise I can only tell you to look inside your self. Trust your gut feeling. If you are 100% clean and there is no skeletons and you have no shady friends, then perhaps it could work. But if you worry that it will change how people look at you and it will make you feel uncomfy, then consider carefully what it means. Not only for you, but for her also. If there is things going on that she should not turn an blind eye towards, then is it right to put her in that situation? Or does not being totally honest become what you would have to do? And that would then be one of the cornerstones of a relationship gone.

If I again was confronted with the same dilemma I would again make the same decision.

This is only my look at it. Others will differ. (And I know 2 on here that have been clear in their opinion re this before. Have the red blings to prove it...)

Good Luck.

**Bikernereid** · 7th July 2008, 00:13

Originally Posted by Conquiztador

My ex wanted to become police many years ago when we only had one child. We discussed it in lenght. I moved in circles where the police was not always a friend... It would have put a big strain on the relationship. When do you stop being a police? As soon as you clock out? When you come home? Or never? I could see us moving to two completley different social scenes. It certainly would have ment that I had been treated differently by the ones I associated with. And that would have killed anything we had going (in hindsight it would only have made it all happen much quicker, but how was I to know then?).

Anyhow, after some thinking I put up an ultimatum: You do what you want to, but if you join up I will be gone. And in the end she did not join up.

She has always held that against me, and even if it was not the blow that made it all end, I am certain that is was a small piece of the puzzle.

When now looking at it all I would have to say, that as I am not a big fan of the police and she had aspirations to become one, I should have then realised that there was some major differences in how we looked at life. But love tends to make you see things in a strange colour.

So if you are looking for advise I can only tell you to look inside your self. Trust your gut feeling. If you are 100% clean and there is no skeletons and you have no shady friends, then perhaps it could work. But if you worry that it will change how people look at you and it will make you feel uncomfy, then consider carefully what it means. Not only for you, but for her also. If there is things going on that she should not turn an blind eye towards, then is it right to put her in that situation? Or does not being totally honest become what you would have to do? And that would then be one of the cornerstones of a relationship gone.

If I again was confronted with the same dilemma I would again make the same decision.

This is only my look at it. Others will differ. (And I know 2 on here that have been clear in their opinion re this before. Have the red blings to prove it...)

Good Luck.

Robert who is my best friend of 18 years is a policeman as is his dad who is my adopted dad. Neither of them have ever held it against me that I have been "slightly" shady in the past.

When I asked Robert what he would do if I did coke in front of him his response was 'You would never do that to me' and he was right. It is all about mutual respect and understanding.

I do not see why SPB's better half being in the police should ruin a perfectly good relationship. After all it is not as if she doesn't know what SPB is like. She has stood by him throughout the stoner period so I do not see it that he is really having to make much of a sacrifice to support what she would like to do.

**spudchucka** · 7th July 2008, 06:50

Originally Posted by SixPackBack

It seems her preference is to be desk-bound in some capacity, she is probably not suitable to be 'front line'...........her current role has not left her bitter or twisted in-spite of dealing with bottom dwellers-she seems well suited to this type of work.

And for the record..........A divorce is out of the question regardless of what she decides to do......she put up with me being a chronic pot head for 15 years so I am sure a few years being married to a copper would not be to difficult.
The irony is not lost on me

She'd have to do at least two years worth of front line work before she has any chance of landing a cushy desk job.

The bitter and twisted view of the world doesn't happen to everyone, I believe it is totally an individual thing related to how people deal with stress. If she is a person that tends to take her work home with her then it probably isn't the best career choice. However by the sound of it she has already been coping with similar stresses anyway so she should be fine.

From reading your posts on KB it seems that you've always wanted to screw the law so it should be a win win situation for both of you!

**scumdog** · 7th July 2008, 10:10

Originally Posted by Conquiztador

When now looking at it all I would have to say, that as I am not a big fan of the police and she had aspirations to become one, .

A shame you see Police only as (I suspect) an antagonistic organisation that does not fit in with your beliefs.

Certain branches such as Youth Aid, LREP, SOCO etc are positive, non-confrontational as are several analytical section.

It's not ALL about busting heads and jailing those whose lifestyle may echo yours.

(Maybe in you case the relationship was doomed regardless but I thought I'd chuck in my 2 -cents worth.)

**Swoop** · 7th July 2008, 10:10

Can she bake donuts?

Does anyone else see a similarity with the Goodbye Pork Pie movie and the scene of the West Coast Copper pulling over "a motorist"...

**scumdog** · 7th July 2008, 10:12

Originally Posted by spudchucka

She'd have to do at least two years worth of front line work before she has any chance of landing a cushy desk job.

The bitter and twisted view of the world doesn't happen to everyone, I believe it is totally an individual thing related to how people deal with stress. If she is a person that tends to take her work home with her then it probably isn't the best career choice. However by the sound of it she has already been coping with similar stresses anyway so she should be fine.

From reading your posts on KB it seems that you've always wanted to screw the law so it should be a win win situation for both of you!

Wot 'e sed.

BTW: I was cynical and untrusting while I was still a freezing worker - in fact I had a black-belt in cynicism.
So it's been no effort to expand on that view of life in my present job.

**Mikkel** · 7th July 2008, 10:50

Originally Posted by busa pete

What do you mean Uniform,Handcuffs and i'm sure you would enjoy being battoned

Originally Posted by DMNTD

Haven't you always wanted to fuck the Police?

What they said - and:

WHO'S YOUR DADDY!

**ManDownUnder** · 7th July 2008, 10:54

Can't she be a civvy working for the Police (i.e. non sworn) and work for tham in that capacity?

**SixPackBack** · 7th July 2008, 12:09

Originally Posted by ManDownUnder

Can't she be a civvy working for the Police (i.e. non sworn) and work for tham in that capacity?

After talking with her last night I think thats the preference.

**scumdog** · 7th July 2008, 12:28

Originally Posted by SixPackBack

After talking with her last night I think thats the preference.

Unless she's got a relevant degree or similar sutable qualification AND gets a high-up civvy job she won't get paid as well - or have as many days off etc etc.