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Thread: Disorder in court - Funny ha ha?

  1. #1
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    Disorder in court - Funny ha ha?

    These are from a book called Disorder in the Court:

    Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes
    Q: And what were you doing at the time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay?
    Q: What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
    Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    LASTLY

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
    This weeks international insult is in Malayalam:

    Thavalayolee
    You Frog Fucker

  2. #2
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    ROFLMAO!!!!
    If a man is alone in the woods and there isn't a woke Hollywood around to call him racist, is he still white?



  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim2
    ROFLMAO!!!!

    Me too - quite possibly maybe the funniest thing I've ever read - but then again I'm biased.
    This weeks international insult is in Malayalam:

    Thavalayolee
    You Frog Fucker

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    edited

    hehe, hehehe, hehehehehe
    Last edited by Blakamin; 12th January 2005 at 16:17. Reason: coz people found it funny

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blakamin

    0 points for originality... got that in an email in, hmmm... 1996.... and its in every "email" book ever printed.. and probably law books by now....

    but I wont rep ya for it!
    miserable bugger

  6. #6
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by Biff Baff
    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay?
    Q: What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    That's my fav one but they all make me laugh.
    My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am.

  7. #7
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    Haha, thats great

  8. #8
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    Its a grand oldie a great goodie. Its halirious love the last one ". . . . and practising law somewhere"

  9. #9
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    lol, the last one was the best

    -Indy
    Hey, kids! Captain Hero here with Getting Laid Tip 213 - The Backrub Buddy!

    Find a chick who’s just been dumped and comfort her by massaging her shoulders, and soon, she’ll be massaging your prostate.


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