The future of nursery rhymes

[Nasty]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.


It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.


Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
Now he can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.


Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often.


Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.


Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead!


Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its @rse
and turned its wool to nylon.


Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.


Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Jill, the dill,
forgot her pill,
and now they have a son.


Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.


Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

[slofox]

...............

["D" FZ1]

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often.


Classic

[Stirts]

This my fav.....

Mary Mary quite contrary trim that c*#t its so damn hairy!

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills fanny
Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock coz Jill was a tranny!

[BOGAR]

Old mother hubbard
When to the cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone
When she bent over
Rover took over
And gave her a bone of his own….

[kevfromcoro]

there was a young man called dave
who found a dead whore in a cave
isnt it digusting
she only needs dusting
and think of the money ill save

[nodrog:Me]

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE,
The cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
When it died of electric shock.

[Stirts]

The queen of hearts
She made some tarts
All on a summer's day.
The knave of hearts
He stole those tarts
And ate them all away.
The queen of hearts
Woke up with a start
And chased the knave at bay;
The knave of hearts
Gave out a fart
And killed the queen right-away.

Roll roll roll a joint
Twist it at the ends
Light it up and take a puff
And pass it to your friends

I love drugs.
drugs love me.
cocane, crack and ecstacy.
with a sniff sniff here,
and a sniff sniff there,
now im in intensive care

Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore,
Humpty Dumpty fucked her some more,
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Bent the bitch over and fucked her again

[MSTRS:Me]

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often.


Classic

The classic version includes...

Mary had a little skirt
with a split right up the back
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her crack

[slofox]

Hickory Dickory Dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one.....
And the mouse was mashed to bits in the great clanking machinery.....

Mary had a little lamb
Its face was black as charcoal
Every time she swung it round
Sparks flew out its arsehole......

[Laava]

Little Miss Muffet
sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
and sat down beside her
and what did Miss Muffet say?





Piss off hairy legs!





Mary had a little lamb
and it was always gruntin'
so she tied it to a lamp-post
and kicked its fuckin cunt in!

[Skyryder]

A Naughty Little Poem

She whispered "will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."

She said "I'm very frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said it can be sore."

It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been a size.

"Calm yourself" he whispered
"His face filled with a grin
"Try and open wider
So I can get it in."

"It's coming now" he whispered
"I know" she cried in bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I'm having this."

And with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.

She lay back quite contended
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I'm glad I came now
You made it worth my while."

Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!

[icekiwi]

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a Duck
She put it on the mantlepiece to see if it would...
Fall off....

[Bren]

There once was a young man from Kent,
Whose cock was so long that it bent.
When starting to screw,
It folded in two.
And instead of cuming, he went.

There was a young man from St Ives,
Whose balls were of two different sizes.
The one was so small,
It was no ball at all.
But the other, it won several prizes.

There once was a man from Nantucket.
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
He said quite crass,
As he lubed up his ass
At last, I've found a place I can tuck it.

There was a lass named Jill,
who tried Dynamite for a thrill.
They found her vagina in South Carolina,
and her tits scattered over Brazil

[fire eyes]

LMFAO