When is it too soon?

[Lonely_wolf]

This is kinda one for the girls but a guys point of view would be helpful also. I have posted this question on other sites and also asked all of my friends but us "crazy" speedfreaks seem to think different to "normal" people.

Long story short, I broke up with my partner about two weeks ago and want to know when it is morally ok to start dating again?

We knew each other for 10 months and have been serious for the latter 8 of those. He became really controlling and wanted to rule my life. He wouldn't even let me talk to other guys in the end! The day that I left him, he got really violent (I won't go into any details), and I ended up having to get the cops involved.

Now I know someone that I get on really well with, I feel more myself with this guy than anyone I have ever met before. I told this guy not so long ago that I just wanted to have a really good mate and nothing more. Ever since then, he has completely backed off saying that he wanted to wait for things to "cool down" before seeing me again.

So, what do I do? Any advice from anyone?

[vifferman]

Sounds like this other guy is on your "just friends" ladder. Does he know that, or does he think he's on the "guys I could have a relationship with" ladder?
Do you know which ladder he's on?

[chanceyy]

back off & deal with your crap first ....


do you seriously think you have anything to offer a relationship when you have just broken up from another relationship

[Mom]

Your head/heart is clear, you called this relationship over?

You are free to do as you wish.

Mind you, I would not be rushing things if I were you, seems you may have a few power and control issues to get straight in your head so you dont step back into the same situation again.

Take some time to think about what you did not like about what happened and how you reacted to those situations. Maybe think about what in you gave that person the ability to make you feel the way you did. Lots of thinking is my advice.

Dont rush things, a 10 month relationship is not a real test for the long term, you must have felt things not right long before it came crashing down. Think, maybe talk to someone that can help you sort it out in your head.

Apart from that, nothing stopping you going out and having a bit of fun! I dont actually think "morals" enter this equation at all!

[Mom]

Sounds like this other guy is on your "just friends" ladder. Does he know that, or does he think he's on the "guys I could have a relationship with" ladder?
Do you know which ladder he's on?

Have you got the link to the just friends ladder? It is a good thing to read.

[idleidolidyll]

You weren't married, you had no kids (i assume): you have no obligation to the guy so start looking or accepting offers the very next day.

[FJRider]

Or doesn't want any hassle from the "ex"... any "moral " (and I am in NO position to take the high ground here) obligation NOT to date, ended with the good-byes.
Life is short...ENJOY IT...go girl...

[sinfull]

Buy some batteries !
Make him wait a bit longer !
Nah just go for it !
No he might think your too easy if ya jump him now !
But someone might snatch him up if ya dont !
Awww hell its far too confusing to even try thinking about before buying the new batteries !

[Owl]

Buy some batteries !
Make him wait a bit longer !
Nah just go for it !
No he might think your too easy if ya jump him now !
But someone might snatch him up if ya dont !
Awww hell its far too confusing to even try thinking about before buying the new batteries !

Who let this guy loose?

[Conquiztador]

You might just want someone who keeps your bed warm.
You might just need someone who shows you that you are still desirable for the opposite sex.
You might just need someone to talk to re the crap that went down.

If any of those are correct, then if he is not part of your future, it does not matter. Use him and then when your head is straight find the real one.
Said that, he might not deserve that treatment...
But if he is the one and your head is not screwed on then you most probably blow it.

Take time out. Focus on stuff you always wanted to do where a partner can be a hinderance.

What is the time it takes to get your head sorted? Anything from a day to 5 years.

EDIT: Had a look at your profile. You ar 19yo. Take a week and jump back in.

Good Luck.

[icekiwi]

A guys point of view....
Go for it...as you know all guys only have one thing on their minds, oops two things forgot the sex.
Just sorting the shit after my marriage bustup (no2 phew) and although its nice to go out with a lady its only for a goodtime not a longtime if you know what i mean,but who knows who you might meet up with...Nothing ventured nothing gained...
Your situation.. the guy backs off because he wants the whole nine yards by the looks of it...if your ready for that go for it, if not stay well clear and save yourself some more heartache...

[icekiwi]

BTW i'm free tonight....lol

[mstriumph]

...............Long story short, I broke up with my partner about two weeks ago and want to know when it is morally ok to start dating again?

..... He became really controlling and wanted to rule my life. .................

Now I know someone that I get on really well with, I....... ........
So, what do I do? Any advice from anyone?

sheesh
on the one hand you say you left the first guy because he told you what to do all the time
on the OTHER hand you are now asking all and sundry what you should do about the new man in your life

i mean ----- don't you think that you should make up your OWN mind?

[scracha]

Try some girl on girl action first. I want full details.

[Lonely_wolf]

Have you got the link to the just friends ladder? It is a good thing to read.

''
No, I don't have that link. Sounds interesting though

If any of those are correct, then if he is not part of your future, it does not matter. Use him and then when your head is straight find the real one.
Said that, he might not deserve that treatment...
But if he is the one and your head is not screwed on then you most probably blow it.

EDIT: Had a look at your profile. You ar 19yo. Take a week and jump back in.

Good Luck.

No, he definately does not deserve that treatment. Thanks for the advice, it's been two weeks so that would make me a week too slow?

A guys point of view....
Go for it...as you know all guys only have one thing on their minds, oops two things forgot the sex.
Just sorting the shit after my marriage bustup (no2 phew) and although its nice to go out with a lady its only for a goodtime not a longtime if you know what i mean,but who knows who you might meet up with...Nothing ventured nothing gained...
Your situation.. the guy backs off because he wants the whole nine yards by the looks of it...if your ready for that go for it, if not stay well clear and save yourself some more heartache...

Lol, that sounds sad! I know what you mean, my relationships seems to start that way and then I get too involved . It would just be really nice to know what it is that he wants from this...