Report: 93% Of Drunk Drivers Get Home Just Fine

[Bren]

in the (offbeat) news

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the National Institutes of Health, 93 percent of those who get behind the wheel while intoxicated arrive at their homes safe and sound, just like they told everybody they would. "Most of these people are barely even buzzed, and 87 percent of the time they're driving primarily on back roads for distances of like, eight miles, tops," said the study's lead author, Dr. Henry Tillman, adding that the vast majority of inebriated drivers stuck with only beer all night, so they were totally fine. "Roughly 64 percent of drunk drivers have cousins who are cops anyway, so it's really no big deal." The study concluded that a mere one in 15 drunk drivers end up dying in a cascading torrent of fire, so, you know, odds.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news..._drunk_drivers

[Forest]

I <3 the onion. Some of the best satire on the web.

[peasea]

in the (offbeat) news



http://www.theonion.com/content/news..._drunk_drivers

I'm willing to bet the same number of speedsters get home safely too, probably more. Mind you, I'd much rather get into the car of a known speedster than a known drunk.

[Trudes]

Oh good god, what next?!

[Mikkel]

Bwahaha, let's just hope that noone fails to see the underlying satire and applies it as a argument for drink driving.

[Badjelly]

Bwahaha, let's just hope that noone fails to see the underlying satire and applies it as a argument for drink driving.

No-one could be that stupid!

[Mikkel]

No-one could be that stupid!

Well, drink driving IS a real problem isn't it?

[Genestho]

in the (offbeat) news



http://www.theonion.com/content/news..._drunk_drivers

Far out, thats got to be taking the piss.
I notice theres no info on the amount of people surveyed or studied?

It might just my perception but Id imagine a mere one in 15 deaths contributing to alcohol related fatalities is bloody high for the population 6,395,798 (2006) in Washington. And if its a so called National Institute study? Then that indicates one in fifteen out of the population of USA...299,398,484(2006).

The "odds" comment make it seem like its a toss of the dice that they get home, which I guess is certainly a way to look at it...but erm I think we have a bit more control over life and decisions made, than that...

Informations not very complete or open...so can only go on whats there,

Only in America

[FJRider]

Far out, thats got to be taking the piss.
I notice theres no info on the amount of people surveyed or studied?

It might just my perception but Id imagine a mere one in 15 deaths contributing to alcohol related fatalities is bloody high for the population 6,395,798 (2006) in Washington. And if its a so called National Institute study? Then that indicates one in fifteen out of the population of USA...299,398,484(2006).

The "odds" comment make it seem like its a toss of the dice that they get home, which I guess is certainly a way to look at it...but erm I think we have a bit more control over life and decisions made, than that...

Informations not very complete or open...so can only go on whats there,

Only in America

Not just in America... just look around any pub car park in New Zealand, do they all drive home under the legal limit... ??? Satire can often be too close to the truth to be funny.

[Tank]

Not just in America... just look around any pub car park in New Zealand, do they all drive home under the legal limit... ??? Satire can often be too close to the truth to be funny.

Its true - Last weekend I popped into the Puhoi pub - and everyone was knocking back cokes.

Have the coppers ever done a roadblock on that road??

[Toaster]

Well, drink driving IS a real problem isn't it?

It is if you get hit by one! Drink Drivers are a menace and an unnecessary danger to the rest of us on the roads.

I will never forget my Mum failing to come home on the morning of my 10th birthday because of drink driving. Instead I had to go see her in Hospital recovering from massive injuries.

[Genestho]

Not just in America... just look around any pub car park in New Zealand, do they all drive home under the legal limit... ??? Satire can often be too close to the truth to be funny.

Sorry I shouldve added:

Only in America - would there be a sensless and ridiculous study (yet strangely informative) paid for by taxpayers, who also pay for a war that can never be won!

Good question there FJRider, no one can test the limit accurately, its impossible to have a limit and then expect anyone to abide by the law in those circumstances.

[Genestho]

It is if you get hit by one! Drink Drivers are a menace and an unnecessary danger to the rest of us on the roads.

I will never forget my Mum failing to come home on the morning of my 10th birthday because of drink driving. Instead I had to go see her in Hospital recovering from massive injuries.

Thats sucks dude, sad that you still remember. (As if you couldnt)

My adopted 14 year old sister was also killed, by a rumoured drunk driver when I was 5, I remember the atmosphere to be quite dark, and I never understood it all till now.

[FJRider]

If one in every hundred people, that drives away from ANY pub in New Zealand is over the legal limit...thats a lot of unsafe drivers that we share the road with.
If in New Zealand, only 50% of drunk drivers get home safely...count the number caught/crash and thats the scarey bit if the same number are/were out there and didn't...

[Toaster]

Thats sucks dude, sad that you still remember. (As if you couldnt)

My adopted 14 year old sister was also killed, by a rumoured drunk driver when I was 5, I remember the atmosphere to be quite dark, and I never understood it all till now.

Shame the system is still so soft on the re-offenders. The vehicles used should be crushed as punishment and have them sent to jail for 5 years of sobering bum-sex with a 300 pound sweaty cellmate called bubba.