Tuesday Jokes (9th)

[Swoop]

What does a paralympian fear the most? Testing positive for WD-40.


What do Gary Glitter and Napalm have in common?
Both can strip the clothes off a small Vietnamese child in under two seconds.


The anniversary of 9/11 approaches and I don't usually buy in to conspiracy theories, but did you spot that if you add 9 and 11 you get 20. And that is curiously the average IQ of an American.


Feminists say all men are potential rapists but, surely, by that same logic it would mean all women are potential rape victims. And believe me there's a lot of dog-ugly women out there I wouldn't waste my duct tape on.


How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
When your wife has to chew before she swallows.

[chrisso]

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I was at an ATM the other day when an old lady next to me asked me to check her balance. I pushed her over.

[HTFU]

What's the difference between pink and purple?

The grip

[Number One]

My mate invited me around to meet her new baby. She asked me to wind him for her...but I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg instead.