Mastercard - Priceless!

[cruzer]

You gotta love this guy.....

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno talked about it on television .It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said,
"F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said,
"F--- you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said,
"I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends.......................................$32, 000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion.......................................... $3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui.............................................. .$8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man..........Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD.

[Coyote]

Finally got up off the floor from pissing myself laughing

[vifferman]

That's just sad....

[mini_hooks_]

right...thats down in my mental note book just incase i need it.............

[Indiana_Jones]

One word can describe this.........Classic

-Indy

[scumdog]

First thing I'm gonna do at the next wedding I'm at is look under the seats at the wedding breakfast!! Pissed myself!

[Hoon]

Not to sound like a party pooper but this sounds a little urban legend to me.

Yeah I can't think how the whole wedding reception could go by without anyone finding it under their seats (i.e. curious pre-schoolers crawling everywhere) and a quick paste of the first sentence into google confirms my suspicion.

...still a great story though!!!

[inlinefour]

from 3 staff in the staff room is LMAO!!!! Well done with giving us that to read

[Swoop]

This one is apparently a true story...

This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.
He wanted to thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding
party.
He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride.
He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding. After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "F--- you," he turned to the bride and said Fuck you," and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it as if nothing was wrong.
His revenge: making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for the 300 guest
wedding and reception. Letting everyone know exactly what did happen.
And best of all, trashing the bride and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
This is his world, we just live in it.
Love ya work, mate!

[heavenly.talker]

An oldie but still a goodie.

The best man had all my "old boyfriends" hand back their keys at our wedding.
Was very funny...
however what amused us all the most, is that our best friends have keys to our house (they can come on over and crash or hang whenever they want) that includes all the males in the grooms party and not one of them handed theirs in lol!

[MSTRS:Me]

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN
(AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing He said was,
"DON'T! "

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grand children are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers now know why some animals often eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you - In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our home, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,

DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" and, "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

[ducatilover]

Love ya work, mate!

that is too cool

[MSTRS:Me]

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"
"You'll see", he replies.

They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating. "Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me."

His daughter screams.

"Don't eat it, Jimmy !...... It's a f***ing arsehole...!!!"

[MSTRS:Me]

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients And you won't be the last. And you're single.
Just let it go".

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering.......

"Dave, you're a vet".

[MSTRS:Me]

At 80 years old, George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with God?"

George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof) the light goes on, when I'm done (poof) the light goes off.

"Wow!" commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Ethel," he said, "George is doing fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then when he is through (poof) the light goes off?"

Ethel exclaimed, "Oh, my God! He's pissing in the refrigerator again!"