Finances in marriage meltdown

[martybabe]

Darn right, Get legal advice before you walk mate. There may be consequences to exiting the House first, there are in some countries. Check!

BTW, sorry to hear about your current situation, It's never easy mate, kids first.

[Maha]

Been there, done that. As the other guys have said, feel free to PM (or call) for a chat.

Aside from that, my only real advice is:

Engage the services of a good solicitor.

Immediately.

And, trust me: It might be hard to fathom at this moment, but in due course, you will be happier than you have been in years. This is a positive step.

At over $260 per hour???
If a Property Agreement has not already been sign between the two parties then split up amicably is the better option, better for all concerned.
Husband/Wife and children..why line a 3rd parties pocket...?

[FJRider]

At over $260 per hour???
If a Property Agreement has not already been sign between the two parties then split up amicably is the better option, better for all concerned.
Husband/Wife and children..why line a 3rd parties pocket...?

It will be mony well spent...

[_Gina_]

Whoever choses to stay in the property is liable to pay a market based rent, then, once this amount is deducted from the cost of 'ownership' of the property, you are both liable to cover half the remaining cost each.

If in doubt, contact a Lawyer, although this decision is obviously going to be driven by the level of equity that you will realise from the proceeds of selling the property...

[Subike]

Apply for and chase custody of the children
forget everything else! Get a lawyer onto it imediatly!
Your biggest benifit in the long run will be having custody of your kids,
Houses property assets all can be replaced,
your kids can not.
You watch the attitudes change and the pleading begin when you get custody of the kids.
And you dont have to prove that she is a bad mother or any of those things either
14 years as a solo dad taught me one thing, family is better than assets.
Of all the men I know that have gone through seperations, the only ones who have come out on top have been the ones who have their kids custody, this does not mean that you have to keep them with you either, she can still look after them, etc, but if you have the legal custody YOU are the person who makes the major desisions.
You dont want to spend the next 15 years paying child support for them, it will cripple you.
If you dont, and she goes into another relationship, you watch your kids be turned against you, your rights will be slowly erroded untill you are just a memory to the kids and not a dad.
And you have to pay the bills for the kids no mater what happens !

[jrandom]

split up amicably is the better option

He may be prepared to be amicable, but I bet the bitch ain't.

Legal advice ftw.

[FROSTY:Me]

The difference between a soliciter and a blood sucking leech??
-oops sorry oxymoron

[martybabe]

Apply for and chase custody of the children
forget everything else! Get a lawyer onto it immediately!
Your biggest benefit in the long run will be having custody of your kids,
Houses property assets all can be replaced,
your kids can not.
You watch the attitudes change and the pleading begin when you get custody of the kids.
And you don't have to prove that she is a bad mother or any of those things either
14 years as a solo dad taught me one thing, family is better than assets.
Of all the men I know that have gone through separations, the only ones who have come out on top have been the ones who have their kids custody, this does not mean that you have to keep them with you either, she can still look after them, etc, but if you have the legal custody YOU are the person who makes the major decisions.
You don't want to spend the next 15 years paying child support for them, it will cripple you.
If you don't, and she goes into another relationship, you watch your kids be turned against you, your rights will be slowly eroded until you are just a memory to the kids and not a dad.
And you have to pay the bills for the kids no mater what happens !

As I said , kids first, I fought a long, expensive and nasty battle for my munchkins....And won, quite rare in the UK and I'm bloody glad I did. Good luck mate, Obviously many on here can empathise with your plight.

[Maha]

It will be mony well spent...

Sure....I agree with that. But only when the situation is dire.
If its a case of...''we dont love each other anymore'' then it shouldn't get any tougher on either party than it already is. Yes, get advice...(but not from Kiwibiker, we only go on our own story's) No one has actually answered his question fully, just given their opinion (yes even me)

[sinfull]

Just tell her ya aint leaving unless she can come up with the refinance !

Best case / she fucks off and leaves the kids

2nd choice/ fucks off

next best/ she pays you out with a sizable profit which you put away to pay maintanance for a few years

Worst case/ you leave, she dont pay sfa, bank chases ya, mortgagee sale, you still owe the bank, ird takes ya for 20 % of what ya earnt in the last year, lawyer takes 20% more, and she poisons the kids against ya !

Here have a razor blade in case !

[Naki Rat]

The difference between a soliciter and a blood sucking leech??
-oops sorry oxymoron

But better to deal with her blood sucking leech using your blood sucking leech !

[FROSTY:Me]

But better to deal with her blood sucking leech using your blood sucking leech !

sorry mate um being serious here for a mo. I disagre with charging into the solicitors office right away.
A relationship thats gone off the rails might end up being a communication problem etc--something that might be fixable with help.
Hey maybee not too
But once the solicitors get involved it quickly turns friggin ugly

My ex and I broke up REALLY amicably.Every time a lawyer got involved they tried to throw some shit in to get her or my back up.
At one point WE both stood in her lawyers office saying-WTF is this shit you put in our Mat prop orders. Got them to redraft em on the spot

[skidMark]

When are they going to make it legal to marry a motorcycle, stuff marrying a women.

nor a man (yeah i just shut down the obvious own, deal with it)

[Maha]

sorry mate um being serious here for a mo. I disagre with charging into the solicitors office right away.
A relationship thats gone off the rails might end up being a communication problem etc--something that might be fixable with help.
Hey maybee not too
But once the solicitors get involved it quickly turns friggin ugly

My ex and I broke up REALLY amicably.Every time a lawyer got involved they tried to throw some shit in to get her or my back up.
At one point WE both stood in her lawyers office saying-WTF is this shit you put in our Mat prop orders. Got them to redraft em on the spot

Finally, someone on the same side of the road as me.
Its over to the Husband/wife what they want to do re Lawyers. If one gets one then the other has to as well. What a fucken mess then.
OP has not asked about the Lawyer thing, but the thread quickley turned all American.

[MyGSXF:Me]

Sorry to hear about your separation! never an easy time

Your wife will be able to apply for the DPB at WINZ. The money she will get should render her fairly self sufficient, as long as she sets up a good budget from the start! The weekly bills.. power, water, phone etc will be her responsibility. (A joint mortgage, I do not know about) The child support you will pay will unfortunately not go to her & the kids.. it gets swallowed up in the "systems" coffers! if she is on the DPB then you cannot make "private arrangements" it has to go through IRD! On the DPB, she will be able to get some assistance with childcare (how old are the kids?). If she wants to keep working part time, be aware that any income will affect her benefit/supplements eg: accommodation supplement. & her work pay will also be secondary taxed!! It is VERY hard work being a solo parent!! Being a parent is a full time job in itself.. being a SOLO parent is like having 2 jobs consecutively!!!! No matter what happens between you & her, the best interests of the kids must always come first!


I suggest that you seek legal advise asap (there should be a free legal service in your local "community house" that should be able to answer some early on questions.

This time will be a rollercoaster ride for you all, so please be gentle on yourselves, assure the kids its not their fault in any way & that you both still love them! Have them to be/stay with you as much as you can. & don't do/say/sign anything in the heat of the moment!! get a lawyer to look over everything!

All the best laid intentions to stay "amicable".. can go astray very easily! So if you can get a "parenting agreement" made up early on, can help in the long run. You can apply for 6 free counseling sessions at the family court, which I would encourage you to do, which may be able to help you to both sort some things out, without having to go down the "court" road.. coz it's NOT pleasant!

All the best