In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia, and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.'
He gave Noah the plans, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the Unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'
'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Shire Council for a decision.
Then ERGON demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees because the Environmental Protection Agency say it will upset the balance of the local ecological system.
I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from extinction - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA prosecuted me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
The Transport authorities said it would take six months after completion of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed.
Then the DPI ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until I had arranged and conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Anti Discrimination Commission on how many 'Stolen Generation' persons I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
The Federal Government has insisted that I provide them with a list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are not Illegal Immigrants and they have valid Work Visa's.
UNIONS say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, ATO seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally without lodging appropriate Tax Returns and the Customs people are threatening to prosecute me for taking Native animals out of the country.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.'
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'
'No,' said the Lord.
'The Government has beaten me to it.'
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