Broke my back

**Donut** · 4th December 2008, 07:27

tired, i cant sleep from the pain, im sleeping every 3rd day just from exaustion im on 75mg dicoflenac 60mg codein and 1gram paracetemol and have tryed a bit of the green and it didnt help, got rid of the pain yes but with all alse thats going on it just made me waaaay to paro :S... so what color bling do i get if i keep getting warned lol

Originally Posted by DangerousBastard

How are you feeling today bud?

I trust you have discovered the magic and science of drugs? 200mg Diclofenac is the bizo - it'll take the ouch out that nasty snapped bit, and help you sleep. A bit of the green is really helpful too.

Can you move around a bit? Try cooking something - cooking is fun, and its great for your self-esteem when everyone goes "yum that was nice bro", and if its a reject then you can just chuck it in the bin.

Theres lots of bits around on trademe and richardhyosung, so start hunting and emailing people! I won't go dig all them out for you, as you need all the interesting stuff to do that you can get.

It's gunna be a great day.

Steve

**jrandom** · 4th December 2008, 07:29

Originally Posted by vtec

Here's some more thoughts on how to help you get through this time.

vtec really knows what he's talking about. Pay heed!

**jonbuoy** · 4th December 2008, 08:17

Originally Posted by jrandom

vtec really knows what he's talking about. Pay heed!

+1, & don't go getting bitter and twisted & thinking all women are evil, there are some outstanding ones out there too - just keep looking and putting it about. And don't ever let someone have that sort of power over you ever again

**karla** · 4th December 2008, 08:36

Originally Posted by jonbuoy

+1, & don't go getting bitter and twisted & thinking all women are evil, there are some outstanding ones out there too - just keep looking and putting it about. And don't ever let someone have that sort of power over you ever again

Boy, this thread has some outstanding stuff, I'm humbled.

I agree with Jon - there are ways to prevent losing our power in relationships - good lessons to be learnt while we are in "withdrawal" and before we attempt to have another relationship. Relationships can be like a drug addiction - wonderful to have the choice but deadly if hooked or having to go cold turkey.

Google relationship addiction, there is plenty of help out there 'cos there are many others who used to suffer as well. Those who do not make it through or suicide often do so because they never knew there was a solution.

Sleep is our bodies way of healing itself, don't fight it

**Donut** · 4th December 2008, 11:31

shows us bikers arnt just road raged rugged peoples...
i aint fighting the sleep its the pain im in that keeps me from sleeping, tripped out on condine last night nd i still couldnt get to sleep

good old google has the answer for everything huh :P ill try it

Originally Posted by karla

Boy, this thread has some outstanding stuff, I'm humbled.

I agree with Jon - there are ways to prevent losing our power in relationships - good lessons to be learnt while we are in "withdrawal" and before we attempt to have another relationship. Relationships can be like a drug addiction - wonderful to have the choice but deadly if hooked or having to go cold turkey.

Google relationship addiction, there is plenty of help out there 'cos there are many others who used to suffer as well. Those who do not make it through or suicide often do so because they never knew there was a solution.

Sleep is our bodies way of healing itself, don't fight it

**vtec** · 4th December 2008, 12:18

So have you managed to split your assets fully yet? I want an update on your progress. You've got time on your hands to work out fair solutions. Only once you can stop having anything to do with her will you be able to start making progress. It will be hard work the first six months but it's life, and how we deal with the hard times makes us who we are, and actually I know I'm 100x stronger than I was before I went through my tough times. Every time you want to contact her just remind yourself that you'll reset your "break free timer".

No more self destruction mate. Now it's all about freedom fun and life. Another tack you can try, but it might do your head in is trying to improve yourself to the point where you are way out of your ex's league, but again that's going to do your head in a bit because it means you are hanging on to material things, and you are really doing it to prove yourself to her. I started my mending process this way, but then it started to conflict with some of my freedom philosophy's.

Work out who you are trying to do things for. I had issues with constantly needing to prove myself to my parents and grandparents and other relatives and friends. Only leaving the country let me get clear of their expectations, and what a relief it was. Now I know something will come along eventually, and if it doesn't I'll make sure I've enjoyed as much of my life as I can regardless.

Remember, a life without hard times is a life without purpose and meaning. And most likely not a very memorable life. You are creating the "Donut" story, it will enrich your personality and you will gain wisdom from all this crap. Seriously watch "into the wild" then "you me and dupree". And don't smoke weed. I'm not a fan of medicating most mental illnesses.

I've got friends who are bi-polar, OCD, and Manic depressives. The bi-polar guy (I think his cause is hereditary) can get scary so he needs something, but I think a lot of his mental damage is from being on the drugs too long, he thinks smoking weed kicked off his illness. The OCD guy (a brilliant long distance runner), his illness is on the mend with the help of councilling, the drugs he was on for it were bad news and has managed to get clear of them. My manic depressive friend, I believe his depression was caused by exercise addiction (he was an awesome Ironman), he used to drink himself to oblivion and attempted suicide which is why his wife left, he's not on medication anymore, and again just some good councilling has helped him. Funny thing is they are ALL amazing guys, and the best company in the world.

I question my sanity sometimes, but I've always managed to get through it with some deep thinking and some smart friends giving me good advice. I think the first time I really wanted to suicide I was probably about 12, but now I know it'll never even be considered because I've got some sweet philosophy's that I live by.

It's hard to explain all my philosophys, I'd need to write a thesis about them. Let's just say that it looks at the really big picture, but I don't believe in god as such.

Another thing, if you find the hurt builds up, you have to let it out. This is going to sound whimpy, but seriously get somewhere where you can just houl and nobody can hear, I remember doing it while riding my motorbike over 100. Nobody else can hear, and you are alone. A big part of my depressive mate's problem is that he can't cry... ever, I think that's destroying him. I'm back in NZ this saturday, so I'll catch up with him. Not sure if I'm fully ready to be back.

This was when I first broke down properly:
http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh...18#post1144718
Before the ex finally broke me about this time last year and I bought my ticket to Aussie that very same night.

**Donut** · 4th December 2008, 15:23

Originally Posted by vtec

So have you managed to split your assets fully yet? I want an update on your progress. You've got time on your hands to work out fair solutions. Only once you can stop having anything to do with her will you be able to start making progress. It will be hard work the first six months but it's life, and how we deal with the hard times makes us who we are, and actually I know I'm 100x stronger than I was before I went through my tough times. Every time you want to contact her just remind yourself that you'll reset your "break free timer".

spliting the assets.... its not going to work i went to the bank today to see about finacial advise with regards to selling the house or having her buy me out, we bought the house for 252k, with the recesion it is now work 187... selling the house or having her buy me out would make me bankrupt. i cant move out because at the moment i have nowhere i cant afford it and i cant do anything for myself not even shower... but yes i can go to the toilet :P

No more self destruction mate. Now it's all about freedom fun and life. Another tack you can try, but it might do your head in is trying to improve yourself to the point where you are way out of your ex's league, but again that's going to do your head in a bit because it means you are hanging on to material things, and you are really doing it to prove yourself to her. I started my mending process this way, but then it started to conflict with some of my freedom philosophy's.

self destruction... yeah im on the mend getting better as for having fun im not sure i can ever ride a bike again with the way my back is going at the moment, hence seeing the bank today i wanted to find out if i could get a 5k loan to buy a car otherwise im screwed i cant get to work or anything i have no transport.....turns out im screwed i have one last option and that is asking my father in law for a loan but i dont like my chances. he is curently going through devorce with my mother and has had to buy her a house

Work out who you are trying to do things for. I had issues with constantly needing to prove myself to my parents and grandparents and other relatives and friends. Only leaving the country let me get clear of their expectations, and what a relief it was. Now I know something will come along eventually, and if it doesn't I'll make sure I've enjoyed as much of my life as I can regardless.

i am trying to do things for myself but nothing seems to work out and living with her means that i am constanly doing things for her and following her around with my tail between my legs. which means my break free clock hasnt even started yet. so far the only clock i have is the number of days with out sleep. leaving the country i feel would be the best thing for me but theres that same problem i cant afford it. i have completly tied myself down with this damn house

Remember, a life without hard times is a life without purpose and meaning. And most likely not a very memorable life. You are creating the "Donut" story, it will enrich your personality and you will gain wisdom from all this crap. Seriously watch "into the wild" then "you me and dupree". And don't smoke weed. I'm not a fan of medicating most mental illnesses.

im no drugie i smoked weed twice in the last week to try and relieve the pain. previously i hadnt touched any form of illegal drug in over 7 years and it didnt work either times so i am not going to try it again

I question my sanity sometimes, but I've always managed to get through it with some deep thinking and some smart friends giving me good advice. I think the first time I really wanted to suicide I was probably about 12, but now I know it'll never even be considered because I've got some sweet philosophy's that I live by.

all my philosiphys have been destroyed by what has happend, i dont no who i am anymore. after all this i think donut will be a former self, i dont want anything the same i want a completly new life new friends new surrounds new family... unfortunatly im stuck with what ive got.
god is just a figment of imagination im with you on the disbeleif

Another thing, if you find the hurt builds up, you have to let it out. This is going to sound whimpy, but seriously get somewhere where you can just houl and nobody can hear, I remember doing it while riding my motorbike over 100. Nobody else can hear, and you are alone. A big part of my depressive mate's problem is that he can't cry... ever, I think that's destroying him. I'm back in NZ this saturday, so I'll catch up with him. Not sure if I'm fully ready to be back.

i cant ride the bike so i cant shout it all out on there and i have no other transport to get away and have that space... i can also hardly walk and there really is no where close enuff for me to walk to. oh and it hurts to shout :P

i really do hope it goes well for you on saturday and for how ever long your down for and i appreciate all the help, from you and everyone

and sorry for the shit grammar :P

**vtec** · 4th December 2008, 15:54

Jesus that's tough mate. I think you know what you have to do now. It's not worth your life.

Sometimes you have to be broken to be fixed. You probably can't see this right now. Does the woman care about you enough to let you go? Maybe you need a mediator to help you escape.

You'll probably have to suck it up and take the shit till your back is good enough for you to look after yourself. Then do the mediation and property splitting. You need to do it.

I feel sick in my stomach thinking about if I was in that situation with my ex. Stay strong man. You'll get there. And you'll make new philosophy's while you go through the mending phase. Maybe you need a counsellor to help you decide how to escape, it sounds like she's making it hard for you. Does she realise what she's doing to you? You can't be in that same house mate. Do you have family you can stay with? Can you pull your stuff out?

And with regard to the bank giving you financial advice. They can get fucked. hahahahaha. They will say that's not an option, because they will lose heaps of money on it. Fuck 'em. Go bankrupt, they have caused part of your problem and should thusly be shafted. Just try and get out the stuff that's important to you first, give it to your family or friends or something to hold onto for you.

If you're bankrupt, you're bankrupt. No point trying to dig yourself out of that hole to help a woman that doesn't give a shit about you. Separate and go through bankruptcy proceedings. I don't see house prices rebounding for a long time. In fact I predict further declines. Have PM'd you with further advice. It's not worth your life. Go and remake yourself anew. This is taking back your freedom and balls. And you smashed your Hyosung up anyway, so they are welcome to take a smashed bike off you (plus it's just a Hyobag). This will solve all of your problems.

Don't think for a second you're the only one going through financial hardship/failure. Most of the world is. It's rooted. So there's no need to feel embarrassed about it. Read this:
http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article7601.html
Market oracle kicks arse. New world order coming mate. Productive economy might get the chance to earn its worth and the vampire economy called the financial sector hopefully gets put in a shallow grave.

Get a touring bicycle a tent and rice and vitamins and go visiting KB'ers on it around NZ. Can you taste the freedom now. You would become legendary. Just have to wait for the back to heal then it'll all fall into place. Don't tell the evil one your new scheme. From what you've told me you've got nothing in your life worth holding on to. You're truly free. I'd be jealous if I wasn't nearly that free myself. Or perhaps you could go work on a fishing trawler. What do you do for a living? Does it make you happy? Try and think of a job no matter how menial or wonderful that could help you relax and daydream. Maybe a high rise window cleaner, or a posty. You don't have to do it forever, something better will probably come along, but you might fall in love with the simpler life. Let go of everything trapping you and making you unhappy and desperate, stop wanting stuff. Try wanting happiness and life experiences. Life is about people and experiences not stuff.

Let me know when you've watched "into the wild" and "you me and dupree". I want a review from you about them.

Remember, be the complete charmer with the ex. It'll do you a world of good. Even if you hate her, treat her well until you've escaped. Hehehe. And be nice forever. It's the best thing you can do. But be convincing. Don't be so nice that it's greasy or looks like you're trying to get back with her. Just be straight with her but as congenial as possible.

Other people please feel free to comment on my these ideas. I don't want to get Donut into further difficulties, I need someone who's not as damaged as me to provide some impartial light on the situation.

**Donut** · 6th December 2008, 04:02

donut just hit rock bottom.
the ex told me basically that she was trying to decide between me or him, and she told me to take a step back and just b a friend and that thats all this other guy was and all he was doing too... sounds fair and reasonable...ok

he asked her to come stay with him for the night to help clear her confusion ..... yeah wtf and ive taken a step back and that she has said the same to him ......
then he txts a msg with i miss you muah xoxo one hundred times over......

what the fuck why does she lie to me why is this unfair on me why am i treated like shit and draged through the mud as a back up ..... why cant i hate her, why cant i not keep going back for more crap treatment whats wrong with me. i dont know what to do and i dont know if i can handle this crap WHAT DO I DO!

**jrandom** · 6th December 2008, 06:47

Originally Posted by Donut

i dont know what to do and i dont know if i can handle this crap WHAT DO I DO!

Bro, you need to cut her out of your life. Right now. She is being downright evil and fucking your head up.

Burn all bitches!

It's probably real hard to see right now, but there really are plenty more fish in the sea. You almost certainly have a long and happy life ahead of you with women who care about you and treat you well, but you must take the first step now by chopping out the cancer that's strangling your mind.

Tell her to never contact you again, and then be strong and stick with that.

Work on your feelings without her as a part of your life. In that situation, they will quickly clarify and you will find your anger and self-respect, and you'll be able to work through it and come out the other side.

Kia kaha!

**roy.nz** · 6th December 2008, 06:59

Sorry to hear that mate. At least you can still walk again. Peace out

**roy.nz** · 6th December 2008, 07:04

Originally Posted by Donut

donut just hit rock bottom.
the ex told me basically that she was trying to decide between me or him, and she told me to take a step back and just b a friend and that thats all this other guy was and all he was doing too... sounds fair and reasonable...ok

he asked her to come stay with him for the night to help clear her confusion ..... yeah wtf and ive taken a step back and that she has said the same to him ......
then he txts a msg with i miss you muah xoxo one hundred times over......

what the fuck why does she lie to me why is this unfair on me why am i treated like shit and draged through the mud as a back up ..... why cant i hate her, why cant i not keep going back for more crap treatment whats wrong with me. i dont know what to do and i dont know if i can handle this crap WHAT DO I DO!

Mate give her a big drop kick outa your life, she is just gonna fuck your head over. Some woman can be so cruel..

**karla** · 6th December 2008, 08:27

It's not easy to let go. Relationships make us feel good at the start, then they stop working but we keep on looking to them to get a high, even when they are killing us. We say "I cannot live without this", yet we cannot live with it.

When we lose the power of choice we also lose respect for ourselves, and along with that confidence and trust.

You are worth more - what would you tell your best friend if this were him going through this?

It is like a balance sheet - you do not lose points when you make a stand, you gain. Sometimes it is not until we are completely bankrupt - financially, emotionally and spiritually, that we are able to start again.

I hated it when people told me this, but it is true - sometimes the worst things that could ever happen to us, turn out to be the best.

Kia Kaha ~

**Donut** · 6th December 2008, 09:08

i think one of the worst things for me at the moment is that im not even worried about myself i am just trying to do right by her and make sure she is ok even though i was the one that was done wrong by. but when i see the state she is in i want nothing more then to be there for her and help her, just hurts to feel that this dosent work both ways

at the moment the only place i have to talk to anyone is on here, im just letting it out... i would usually talk to my 2 best mates who are a couple but the other night they went off at me and told me im not even a man anymore and all this other nasty shit so i told them to fuck off and leave me alone and never contact me again. sucks to no that everyday i just get more alone