What do I want?

[vifferman]

FerktifIknow.
It's my birthday coming up, and I realised (partly because I've been trying to ignore it, in the hope it'll never happen) that I have no idea what I want.
There's not really anything I need, and perhaps I'm turning into a woman, because I don't seem to know what I want, either.
Last year I got a new bike jacket, as a combined birthday/Christmas present. The year before, essentially nothing. The year before that, I was in a 747 en route to San Francisco, and got a Joe Bennett book.
I had thought an upgrade of the VFR's forks might be a go, but RT is busy at this time of year, and it's going to be nearly as expensive as my jacket was. Likewise an electronic carb tuner and 4-cylinder adaptor (the only other idea I had).

So come on, KBers - you're never short of good ideas and helpful suggestions, so start throwing them at me. It's not hard - so far the choice is nothing or fuck all, so all you have to do is improve on that.

[The Pastor]

a night with carver? i know i would

[vifferman]

a night with carver? i know i would

I was going to ask "does he root on a first date?", but then I realised a night with him would jeopardise many nights with the vifferbabe.
Is he available to do housework'n'stuff? My gargre is very messy.

[HEADACHE]

Go blow the vifferdork's whistle

[imdying]

Tools. You can never have enough. Ever.

A Meguiars bucket loaded up?

[Taz]

Vifferbabe could sponsor a starving african child for you. Might even get sent some lovely pics for your fridge.

[slimjim]

Oo...could send a goat oversea's.... well maybe not....

[The Pastor]

Tools. You can never have enough. Ever.

A Meguiars bucket loaded up?

couldn't. agree. more.

[Swoop]

A new rubber chicken?

Everyone has to have a rubber chicken and the old one must have worn out by now.

[gijoe1313]

I reckon you need one of those asian back scratchers, they don't eat much and can sleep out in the back shed, unless you prefer them warming your bed!

Failing that, how about a set of ginzu takahashi knives ... carry them in a pirate brace on your leathers and fling them into car doors if they do merkin things to ya! And if you buy them now ... they will throw in the chamois to mop up any accidental blood spills!

Arrrrrr! Pirating to be done me hearties!

[vifferman]

Tools. You can never have enough. Ever.

A Meguiars bucket loaded up?

Hmmm. both good ideas.

A new rubber chicken?

Everyone has to have a rubber chicken and the old one must have worn out by now.

I've never had a rubber chicken.
Sad, innit?

I reckon you need one of those asian back scratchers, they don't eat much and can sleep out in the back shed, unless you prefer them warming your bed!

I've mentioned several times getting one of those lingerie models you see in the advertising materiel / papers/ magazines / on TV in to do the housework, but the vifferbabe just rlls her eyes and makes Marge Simpson-esque noises, so I don't think it would be likely she'd buy one.
Plus all three of my mutant spawn prefer Asian babes for some reason, so that would be dangerous.

Failing that, how about a set of ginzu takahashi knives

Number 1 Son works part-time at the Butcher of Ozziness, and last Christmas bought us a BEAUTIFUL set of kitchen knives. They're REALLY sharp (we've only cut ourselves a few times, and the blood stopped eventually...) and they make a kewl "Ssschhhww-shing!" noise like a sword when you pull them out of the knife block.
I keep playing with them and wondering what it'd be like to stab someone (like a burglar) with them, which is worrying....
Don't break into our house!

But they're fantastic for cutting things (not just fingers) - they cut stuff when you just think about cutting it! Even the breadknife is better than our electric one.

[Lias]

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/warfare/

[imdying]

You don't actually sound like you need/want much... why not just take the money and secretly get the missus a diamond ring?

[vifferman]

You don't actually sound like you need/want much... why not just take the money and secretly get the missus a diamond ring?

*snortle*
[chortle]
True - I don't need or want much. A new house'd be good, just because the present one sux and needs too much maintenance, not because it'd do anything this one doesn't do. But that's hardly a boofdy present, am it?
Diamond ring? [chortle...snortle..]
Did that last year - spent ....ooooh.... several $k on bling (bracelet and a diamond ring), and she bought herself a Rado watch in Swissgnomeland this year. The Bling Hole is huge, bottomless and ravenous.

[imdying]

Yeah, but if it makes her happy and you can afford it... why not? Who knows what tomorrow might bring, might not get another chance for a while. Jewellery is often to woman what bikes are often to men... no rule that says you're allowed just the one