True Racism stories - allegedly

[Biff]

BA

Scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg and London. A white
woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously
disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess. "Madam, what is the matter,"
the hostess asked. "You obviously do not see it then?" she responded.
"You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone
from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat." "Be calm please,"
the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will
go to see if another place is available." The Hostess went away and then
came back a few minutes later. "Madam,just as I thought, there are no other
available seats in the economy class. I spoke to the captain and he informed
me that there is also a seat in the business class. All the same, we still
have one place in the first class."Before the woman could say anything, the
hostess continued: "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from
the economy class to sit in the first class. However, given the
circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone
sit next to someone so disgusting." She turned to the black guy, and said,
"Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a
seat awaits you in first class." At that moment, the other passengers who
were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded. This is a true story.

Tommy Hillfiger

Many of you may have watched the recent taping of the Oprah Winfrey show
where her guest was Tommy Hilfiger. On the show, she asked him if the
statements about race he was accused of saying were true. Statements
like"..."If I'd known African-Americans, Hispanics, Jewish and Asians would
buy my clothes, I WOULD NOT have made them so nice. I wish these people
would *NOT* buy my clothes, as they are made for upper class white people."
His answer to Oprah was a simple "YES". Where after she immediately asked
him to leave her show. What a wanker - alledgedly...

[Motu]

Two little boys,one black,one white were killed in an accident and waited at the Pearly Gates to see St Peter.The little white boy had his interview with the Saint,they talked about what a good boy he had been etc,then St Peter told him to enter and go over to the right to get fitted with wings - ''oh! am I going to be an Angel '' he asked in glee...yes,you are said St Peter.

The little black boys turn was next,he talked with the head Saint about his life and what a good little boy he was,finally St Peter told him to go in and get his wings fitted - ''Oh,am I going to be an Angel?'' he asked - no said St Peter...you are going to be a fly.

This is a true story,told to me by a fly in my ear.

[jrandom]

Three Maoris turn up at the Pearly Gates. St Pete asks them what they're after.

"We wanna see God, bro."

St Pete tells them they need an appointment, but they are very insistent.

So he tells them to wait while he goes and sees whether God can squeeze them into his schedule that day.

He makes it into the Divine Presence.

"There's three Maori dudes out front wanting to see you, God."

"Well, let them in, then, I've got a few minutes spare."

St Pete hurries back out. A few minutes pass, and he sprints back in again.

"God! God! They've GONE!"

"What, the Maoris?"

"No! The Pearly Gates!"

[Yokai]

Tommy Hilfiger - Not racist
http://www.snopes.com/racial/business/hilfiger.asp

Almost verbatim version of the South African airline legend
http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/obnox.htm

[Motu]

A middle-aged woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special". Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"

The confused clerk ran away to get the store manager in front a growing crowd of customers. The manager goes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"

She explained the problem with the toaster, and HE tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!" And doing so draws and even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that? In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I AM BEING SCREWED!! The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded

[MSTRS:Me]

"I used to get on well with me mate Rangi when he was a pakeha, but now that he is a Maori things are different.
In the old days he used to be called Mark and we'd roam the rivers and beaches as friends with scarcely a care in the world. These days he hates me, wants to own the rivers and beaches and only uses a bone fish hook as a decoration about his neck.
I have no problem with him being a born again Maori, except that I think he's being a bit one-eyed about the whole deal. It started with him researching his family tree, which unlike pakeha trees, only has branches up one side. Actually, I think it originally had branches up both sides, but Rangi is pretty adept with a chainsaw and it took him no time to lop the pakeha ones off.
This must have made his Maori ancestors proud that he has gone to such lengths to embrace the old culture, but it must have annoyed the hell out of his pakeha grandmother that he'd disowned her. I mean, surely his granddad wouldn't have married her if he thought she was trying to rip him off. I feel sorry for Rangi, because both my grandparents gave so much to me and it must be a real bummer to have only one grandparent that did anything to be proud of. Of course, it's easy for me because I wake up in the morning and say, "I'm a kiwi and bloody proud of it."
Poor Rangi wakes up in the morning and says, "I'm proud of 25% of me." Rangi does have an advantage over me because he can slag my heritage without being racist. The moment I stand up and give voice to the argument, I instantly take on that mantle. I don't think I'm racist, I just like the playing field to be level. If the same rules applied to both sides, the world would be a different place.
Rangi argues that his ancestors got to New Zealand first, making them indigenous people and entitled to privileges ahead of the rest of us.
Ed Hillary was the first to the top of Mt Everest, which bodes well for the rest of us kiwis. Now that we are the indigenous peoples of the Nepalese highlands we should be able to charge royalties on all those that roam there. Cool, eh?
Rangi would have to agree with my logic, because according to his family tree, his ancestors own the rights to the haka. He now wants royalties for his whanau every time the All Blacks perform it. It is only fair that one culture shouldn't miss out.
I can live with that, because the royalties we get back every time Rangi performs Ten Guitars at the hui will be immense. And now that the National anthem is sung half in Maori, it's going to be good to see the haka performed half in English. After all, it's only fair that we recognise the customs of both cultures in this country.
Rangi has a point when he argues that he has customary rights and should be entitled to do as his forebears did, but I think he's getting a little carried away with the concept. Fishing is the obvious one. Rangi reckons that fish is his traditional kaimoana and that, if he's holding a hui, he should be able to get a feed for the gathering.
“What about the laws that apply to the rest of us?" I asked him recently.
“That's the beauty of customary rights," he replied. "Those are pakeha laws and don't apply to me."
"But Rangi," I pointed out, "Your ancestors caught fish for food. They didn't take it down to the pub to raffle it for monetary gain." I went on to point out that the 3 tonne of crayfish on the tray of his ute was very obviously destined for the black market, and not a hui. By doing that, he was flouting customary Maori law.
“Whooey to you." He shot back. "It's the pakeha part of my ancestry that's doing that and customary Maori law doesn't apply to pakehas." The argument got heated at this point, with Rangi claiming that the crayfish had been caught legally, under quota in commercial pots. He added, that as most commercial fishermen slept at night, they
couldn't blame him for getting to the pots first under the cover of darkness and pinching them.
“But that's illegal, Rangi. That's breaking the law." I countered. Not as Rangi sees it. He reckons that because he was first to the pots, it made him an indigenous fisherman and it was his customary right to help himself. Not normally one to get petty in an argument, I blame frustration for causing me to resort to hitting below the belt.
“If you want your customary take Rangi, shouldn't you be using customary techniques for catching your fish?" I went on to suggest that it would only be fair if he rowed out in a canoe and fished with bone hooks.
Rangi smiled and dragged his fingers through his crop of thick, blonde hair before fingering the carving about his neck. "Nah mate, that would be turning my back on progress and besides, you'd need a big canoe and a truck load of line to get to the orange roughy beds."
I could see that I was fighting a losing battle and that the argument was always going to be one-sided, so I took a leaf out of Rangi's book. I have since researched my family tree and with pleasing results. It turns out that I can trace my ancestry all the way back to Adam and Eve. I guess that makes me an indigenous people wherever plant my feet, so the laws of the indigenous people now equally apply to me. I have already applied for a trademark on the haka, Ten Guitars and the National Anthem. I will soon be claiming royalties on the sun and anyone who uses, or enjoys it will have to cough up. Whenever I wish to go fishing, I will write myself a permit retrospectively and if you don't believe me, pop down to the pub and take a ticket in my raffle. Thursday nights I will be raffling scallops, Friday oysters and Saturdays I will be specialising a fisherman's basket. Rangi's. I got out there under the cover of darkness and raided his pots. Being there first made me an indigenous fisherman and entitled to my customary take.
You can do the same, thanks to our ancestors, Adam and Eve.

Isn't it great to once again be able to roam the rivers and beaches with scarcely a care in the world?

[onearmedbandit]

From the snopes page on the airline story;

Unfortunately, such legends, though they have their uses in helping us feel better about our world, can also prove damaging and hurtful to those tarred by their brush. In 2001, Hubbard Foods of New Zealand, a company that produces breakfast cereal, erred by including the "South African woman seated next to a Black man" legend as a travel story in a children's newsletter inserted in boxes of its product. The tale had been selected for inclusion as an uplifting story imbued with a moral message, and no one thought to check its accuracy.

South Africans living in New Zealand were outraged by it. They saw the leaflet as unfairly painting them as racist, furthering an apartheid-era stereotype that is no longer valid. Hubbard Foods apologized but claimed it was too late and far too expensive to withdraw the boxes from store shelves.

[StoneChucker]

I am outraged!

[Sniper]

I am kinda of outraged, but I dont know what about

[Sniper]

Why do black men cry after sex???




-They have mace in their eyes.

[Sniper]

Why do black men keep pidgeons?

To teach them how to walk

[Motu]

Why do Italians grow mustaches?

To remind them of their mothers.




Why is Italy shaped like a boot?


You can't fit that much shit in a sneaker.




The other day I spit right in an Italian girl's face and she thanked me.


Her mustache was on fire.

[Lou Girardin]

A middle-aged woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special". Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"

The confused clerk ran away to get the store manager in front a growing crowd of customers. The manager goes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"

She explained the problem with the toaster, and HE tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!" And doing so draws and even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that? In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I AM BEING SCREWED!! The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded

Straight out of "Dog Day Afternoon", Motu. Where Al Pacino asks a cop to kiss him, because he likes to be kissed while he's being fucked.

[Motu]

How can you tell when an Asian has broken into your house?

Your homework is done,your computers upgraded,but two hours later he's still trying to back out of your driveway!

[Sniper]

How do you know when a Vietnamese breaks into your house?

Your homework is done,your computers upgraded, the housework is donw but your dog is missing