Thought I was doing quite well, no encounters for a while.......until just now...
Cruising merrily and happily down Lunn Ave thinking happy christmas thoughts like:
Ooh, pies
Lots of piss
Ooh, more pies
...and even more pies
when I notice the bright red shiny Holden in front of me swerving a bit, then a bit more then.......Faacckkkk....on go the anchors...then speeds away, then swerves then finally stops at the traffic light queue waiting to get on to the Ellerslie Highway. In readiness for some fun, I unzip my pocket and get my cellphone into camera mode....
So, what do I see this time...
I pull up alongside the passenger door and there, in the passenger seat, is a very blond, very Paris Hilton looking young lady holding up one of those toy dog Chiuaua type deals.. (you know, small, yappy, great on a bar B etc etc).
The dog is wrapped in a Burberry blanket and no wonder the car was swerving, she is holding the mutt up to the face of the driver who looks like Hugh Grant with a burst colostomy bag on his head. He is giving it the old "Who's a pretty boy bubsy Wubsy" abd she is giving it heaps of "Ooohh, see snuggle buns, da da wuvs you too..tee hee".
The dog is wondering what the fuck is going on and who the fuck are these coneheads....you know, he has the type of expression on his face me or you would have after going to the khazi, dumping last nights Vindaloo then putting your finger through the toilet paper, that sort of thing....
So, I now have the camera at the ready to get the perfect shot when Paris looks over, sees me (fat biker with camera pointed at her and jeans rucked up so it looks like I'm cracking a trouser spanner) and goes fucking mental...
"arrrgghhhh" she cries,
"What the f**K!" exclaims the driver
But this is the best bit....
"Woof" woofs the dog and with the shock of it all immediatley sinks his little needle teeth into Mr Drivers hooter.
"Fuuuuccccckkkk" says the driver because now he has the following meelee happening around him,
1. A fat stalking biker taking pictures of his blond girlfriend
2. Said girlfriend going crazy ape bonkers in the front seat and,
3. An enraged mexican dog stuck to his face
I decide to leave this sureal scene that I am 100% responsible for a bit lively. I pop the bike into 1st and speed off.........dropping the phone and watch it get flattended by the dude in the Nivara behind me (thats 2 phones now in 2 weeks.....clucking bell..!)
The animal lovers take off in the oppoiste direction. No doubt Paris was busy scrabbling for a pen to write down my rego while at the same time looking for a needle and thread to sew up the tooth gash in Hugh's snozzle.
I think the dog will be ok though....
So, the moral of this story is.........
............f*****d if I know, any ideas?
Cheers....
Reply With Quote
Once again, the Biker Gods have gifted you with their ludicrous sense of the surreal! 
Originally Posted by Fatt Max
Bookmarks