Lone Ranger Joke

[Fatt Max]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are screaming across the desert chased by hundreds of crazy indians baying for their blood.

"Look Tonto" says LR; "Over there, a Fort with the American Flag flying high. Quick head for there, we will be safe...Hi HO Silver..."

So, our two heroes head for the fort and get there just in time for hundreds of arrows to smack into the big doors as they close behind them.

"Gee Wiz Tonto" puffs LR, Getting his breath back; "There sure was a lot of injuns chasing us. I wonder how many?"

"One moment Keemosappy" says Tonto; "I shall tell you".

Tonto gets off his horse, clears a patch of sand, recites a quick prayer and places his ear to the ground;

"There are 342 indians in total Keemosappy. 280 of them have bows and arrows, 21 have rifles and the rest have tommahawks. All of them ride male horses"

"Thats amazing" says LR "you can tell all that by listening to the earth?"

"No Keemosappy" replies Tonto; "I can see under the gate"

[AlBundy]

Good one...

[Clockwork]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through a canyon. Suddenly The Loan Ranger sees indians lined along the top of the canyon to his left staring down at them. He says out the corner of his mouth, "Tonto, check out those indians up there!. What should we do?" Tonto replies "Kimo sabe, that is an Apache war party. We must not run or they will attack. Keep going, do not look up there."

They proceed along the canyon and The Lone Ranger realises that there is now a line of indians along the right of the canyon ridge. He points this out to Tonto also. Tonto says "That, Kimo Sabe, is a Comanche war party, this not look good, they ready to fight, we must not run but should get out of this canyon, it ends round the next bend."

As they approach the end of the canyon more indians appear and block the exit. Tonto says, "these are Cherokee, they are not a people we should attempt to reason with, Kimo Sabe, we have no choice but to return through the canyon."

They turn around and head back into the canyon, still at a walk but the Cherokee follow them, also walking. The Comanche and Apache still line the tops of the canyon but make no agressive moves. As they approach the end of the Canyon The Loan Ranger is begining to relax, he can see daylight and the indians surrounding them have not yet attacked. But to his dsimay they exits the canyon to find yet more indians and they have built what appears to be an enormous unlit fire with a pole through its centre. The Loan Ranger turns to Tonto and says in exasperation "Well, what are we gonna do now, Tonto?" and Tonto turns to The Loan Ranger, frowns and says "What do you mean 'WE', pale face?"