AS told at a-nutter board by GOldwing ...
ENjoy ... :spudwave:
SCene settin Scotland ...
I bought a gixer with the prime intent of reselling ( not my style of bike) and got everything fixed up and ready to go.
I went to sell my Gixxer ( Nitro'd and over bored) through Autotrader
No response first week and got a free advert the second, decided on a price of £2200.
Again no response until I get a phone call, call went summat like this
Hello I am phoning about the Kawasaki for sale
Hmmm..... says not got a Kawasaki for sale but got a Gixxer
Caller says Oh aye thats the one
Me thinks fucken prat
Asks couple of questions likes what colour is it
Thinks this is an arsewipe cause all this info is in the advert
Then says what condition is the plastics
Says don't fucken know mate cause its a streetfighter and doesn't have any.
Can I come and see it, yeah yeah come and see it I say not expecting the muppet to show up.
Well about 4 hours later I gets a phone call, its him asking for directions to the house, he is about 10 mins away. gives him directions and quickly goes and checks bitch of a bike will start.
About 15 mins later I see this big fuck off mercedes arriving outside the house driven by a dolly bird of penthouse persuasion, and then outsteps himself, jeezus fuck it was like looking at a gaint packet of polo mints, green and white one peice leathers, green and white gloves with matching handbag and boots obviously never seen the light of day before. You know the type of suit that is fartproof that takes a few minutes for it to bubble up your back and come out your neck
I took me all my time to contain my water I can assure you.
He had travelled from Glasgow - about 4hrs drive and 200 miles fully kitted out in biking gear.
I offered him and his bit of totty a coffee and showed him the bike.
Walking around it became obvious why he asked the questions on the phone as he had only been told about the advert from a friend ( as the story transpires you will see having friends like this is a liability)
After a couple of mins and some very strange ideas about bikes he asks if he can try the bike out - bear in mind the bike is Suzuki blue and white and he looks like a breath freshener. So I said sure as long as he could show me his licence and insurance and leave full payment on the bike that would be ok
Well this tit from pololand produced his licence and it was a provisional and a pass certificate, he had only passed his test the week before, I said sorry no fucken way are you riding my bike but I wil take you out as a pillion to let you see what it is like, this was acceptable
NB ( for Umericans, a provisional only allows you to ride a 125 cc bike so here he was buying an overbored, nitrous streetfighter having only ever ridden a CG125)
Well I told him I would take him out to the old airfield and let him see the Nitro kit working
Everything went according to plan up to the airfield, when I told him I would tap him on the leg and hit the Nitro.
Fuuuuuucccckkkkkk Meeeeeeee
60mph hit nitro button, front wheel lifts and so does his fucken legs, right up under my armpits lifting arms off the bars, Suzi now in severe bitch mode with us trying out some fucken gay sex ritual on the back.
Got the bike under control - to this day that will remain on of those biking moments that make me proud. Yeeeeeeee fucccckkkkeeeeennn Haaaaaaaaa
Anyway I digress
I took Mr polo back to my house and when he took the helmet of his face was completly devoid of blood - those new leathers were certainly needing cleaned.
Well after a coffee to calm his nerves and me to re enter orbit he says. OK I am interested in buying the bike ( Really.......)
However I am only prepared to offer you £2800
Me thinks long and hard
Does not want to sound too keen
Says ok you have twisted my arm
Money is settled
Paperwork is done
Now in front of my house there is a gravel driveway with a big dip onto a single track road, I have been riding for probably around 40 years and would not even dream about having both feet off the ground when leaving my house.
Well tit for brains fresh out of training school starts up right foot covers back brake and moves off, left foot up hits dip, pulls on throttle and Ohhhh Fuckkk he lands in the hedge on the other side of the road. Miss Penthouse centrefold at this point is just sitting shaking head.
Helps him pick up bike and point it in right direction for him to drive straight off
I can see the road from my house for a mile and honestly I could still see him easing up this road for about 5 minutes.
Now part of the story I have not told was that I was a lazy bastard when fitting the Nitro kit, I could not be arsed fitting a new relay (electrics not my strong point) so used the horn button instead ( well who needs a fucken horn) I did tell him though, just if he forgets the first driver that cuts him up and he toots the horn is gonna get a shock when this Suzuki and giant packet of polo mints inspects his anus.
Before he left I asked him to phone me when he got home ( about a 4 hour slow drive)
Well it took him around 7 to get home and when he phoned me the first thing he asked was if I would buy the bike back. I said no and was sincerely glad i was not not complicent in the death of a "biker"
The story continued a couple of weeks later when I got a call from a Glasgow bike dealer asking if I could confirm the details and mileage - well the bike had been driven home definitely no more I even suspect it was not riden all the way home - he traded it in for a Honda 600 hornet ( just hope it was green and white)
There you go it was really funny at the time and was relayed to the board as it happened, always wonder if that silly cunt is still alive
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Originally Posted by avgas
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