Finding peace.

[madbikeboy]

You lot, my friends, are cheaper than therapy, and since I'm not a talker, this is my outlet that I'm forcing on you all.

I am sitting on the top floor of a new apartment building on Marine Parade,the beachfront road that demarc's Napier from the sea. The sea is gently curving in 6 foot swells, and I have found a moment of peace and shelter amidst the chaos that is my soul. The sound of Hotel California is rising into the air, the crashing surf giving it balance, and underscoring the Eagles in a gentle and continous bass note. Running away is sometimes the right thing to do.

I needed some time off the bike, and away from my home life, which isn't home to me at the moment. So, after packing, and then upacking, then repacking, and then finally after thinking about it some more, I decided to leave Scoot in the garage, and instead take the hated Silver Slug. I stood beside the bike and literally threw my gloves across the garage in frustration and angst; that was the moment that decided it for me.

I have had a few days of self imposed stand down from Scoot, I'm too angry to ride - and I've had a close call after not having my brain engaged. I am trying to detox from the rush, to sober out, to find some peace. Scoot is frenetic and angry, a perfect companion for me, and my uncontrolled right hand which has a mind of its own.

So, a road trip. Leaving work, I had all my bike baggage, and little else. I travelled from Auckland, south, foot buried deep into the carpet at any opportunity, slow car, stupid drivers, planning needed for overtakes. Zigging and zagging across the country, lapping Mt Egmont, Wanganui, Palmerston North and south, then back, finally discovering the road.

Robert Frost writes of the road less travelled, and if you're reading another of my crap posts, your favourite author probably isn't the guy who wrote "pull tab to open"

The road - it snakes and winds like a live animal from Taihape to Napier - a local stopped me and warned me against taking a shiny BMW, "40 odd kilometers of 160 are gravel, you'll get stuck". He was right, but fuck it, I was willing to risk losing the car in order to find adventure. I have bruises on the sump, while playing WRC following a guy in a Ferozza - sideways out of each corner. I can only imagine the fun of having a KTM along that stretch.

I've destroyed all four tires, they're delaminating, and the bumper will straighten out... "That shit'll buff straight out"...

So, I sit here, a quiet respite, watching the lightshow of sun fading, lovers walking hand in hand - peace for my soul, and for my mind, even for a few hours.

Would I have this on the Scoot - this I ponder. In a fit of honesty, I wouldn't have arrived in this random place - I'd have been setting new lap records.

In moment of silent lucidity, I realise the animal caged within is the fear and self loathing that needs to be banished for me to ride Scoot again...

Theres a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run to in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didnt realize it and you were scared
Its a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the tears
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension

I-will be watching over you
I-am gonna help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...in silent lucidity

[jrandom]

So is it the bike your missus doesn't like, or do you just not get along?

Why are you even still with her? Episodes like this should be a bit of a red flag.

[Headbanger]

A full belly and a comfortable chair is all I need to find peace....

[mikeey01]

umm ok I'm a little lost !
I'm not sure if it's the vino that's impaired my understanding or I am lacking that Auckland-itis thingie or I'm just plain stupid!

[98tls]

"harden up"Kidding eh,nice words.Sounds like your in a tough space at the moment,its called life i guess,no doubt you will get it sorted soon enough,good luck.

[madbikeboy]

So is it the bike your missus doesn't like, or do you just not get along?

Why are you even still with her? Episodes like this should be a bit of a red flag.

I think it's me that's the problem, not her. I don't have a lot of people left in my life, and the ones that are are sometimes overprotected by me...

EDIT - actually, that's a stupid answer, it is definitely me that's the problem; a round peg in square holes.

[EatOrBeEaten]

I used to do this, I always found having a bit of distance from the situation I found myself in helped me clear my head out and let me look at things a bit more rationally. I don't know you or your situation but it sounds like you have some hard choices to make. Give yourself some breathing room, sit down with a beer or something and write it all out. Usually by the end of the first page you'll have found your answer.

Sounds bollocks I know but it's an approach that worked for me when my situation became untenable. PM if you want someone neutral to talk to.

[FJRider]

Lucky barstard...

[beyond]

Deep stuff there bud.
Don't know where you are at right now but chill out, take some much needed rest, stop and think about all life has to offer or hasn't (whichever the case may be right now ) Sometimes it's just great to sit and do nothing and let your mind work things out. I've been known to do this for a few hours on end at times, especially after a few wines when I'm feeling mellow.

Chin up. You're buggered now anyway, biking gets in your blood

[Grahameeboy]

You can run but you cannot hide...is that it too deep?

[jrandom]

I think it's me that's the problem, not her. I don't have a lot of people left in my life, and the ones that are are sometimes overprotected by me...

That didn't make any sense whatsoever. Are you pissed?

Edit: OK, you edited it, better.

This thread's kinda self-obsessed, y'know. Makes you sound like a bit of a cock. "Waaa, my life is so hard, I drove my BMW to a seaside resort apartment and now I'm tingling with the awesomeness of my middle-class ennui."

Perhaps it's that cock factor, as much as or more than what you like to see as your 'overprotectiveness', that turns her off about you.

How about you just dump the woman if you're not into her, or get on with life and stop whinging on the internet like a spoiled little bitch if you are?

And if you don't feel good about riding your bike, sell it and buy a jetski. Jesus. Stop being such a girly-man.

[Grahameeboy]

That didn't make any sense whatsoever. Are you pissed?

Edit: OK, you edited it, better.

This thread's kinda self-obsessed, y'know. Makes you sound like a bit of a cock. "Waaa, my life is so hard, I drove my BMW to a seaside resort apartment and now I'm tingling with the awesomeness of my middle-class ennui."

Perhaps it's that cock factor, as much as or more than what you like to see as your 'overprotectiveness', that turns her off about you.

How about you just dump the woman if you're not into her, or get on with life and stop whinging on the internet like a spoiled little bitch if you are?

And if you don't feel good about riding your bike, sell it and buy a jetski. Jesus. Stop being such a girly-man.

Encouraging words....

[madbikeboy]

And if you don't feel good about riding your bike, sell it and buy a jetski. Jesus. Stop being such a girly-man.

JRandom - jesus, you make me chuckle. Already blinged you.

[MsKABC]

That didn't make any sense whatsoever. Are you pissed?

Edit: OK, you edited it, better.

This thread's kinda self-obsessed, y'know. Makes you sound like a bit of a cock. "Waaa, my life is so hard, I drove my BMW to a seaside resort apartment and now I'm tingling with the awesomeness of my middle-class ennui."

Perhaps it's that cock factor, as much as or more than what you like to see as your 'overprotectiveness', that turns her off about you.

How about you just dump the woman if you're not into her, or get on with life and stop whinging on the internet like a spoiled little bitch if you are?

And if you don't feel good about riding your bike, sell it and buy a jetski. Jesus. Stop being such a girly-man.

*sighs*

[jrandom]

JRandom - jesus, you make me chuckle.

Good. That's an improvement on maudlin circular thinking right there innit?

Now all you have to do is mix yourself another drink and decide whether or not to dump her.

Don't do it via txt, though. That's just uncivilised.