Being an Aunt - if parents found out they would kill you

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Stupid Things you do with Nieces & Nephews

That if the parents ever knew they would kill you

I cringe now when I think back re some of my more special moments of stupidity/blondness regarding my niece and nephew.

It was my engagement party I was only 20 - and my sister brought my 3 month old nephew, Brent. Well he cried endlessly, so I put some brandy in his bottle, he went to sleep very quickly - no-one could understand it. These days he blames me for his love of spirits.

Same child, 18 months old - I offered to give parents a break and they could go away overnight somewhere. He kept me awake all night - I tried everything, feeding, changing nappy, more blankets etc so in the morning - some ungodly hour, he trotted in to my room. I was so tired I got up, put the tv on (and I am anti tv), sat him in front of it in a bean bag with a pot of chocolate yoghurt.

By now you surely have guessed I am not a parent.

I went back to bed. 10 mins later I hear Dirley Dirley yogi. I looked up over the covers and this kid is covered in chocolate yoghurt from arsehole to breakfast time. Shit I thought - then later I saw the bean bag - more cleaning. So I put him in the bath. Went into the bedroom - I had the heater on to warm the room (fkn freezing Palmerston Nth this was). Towelled him dry and threw the towel over yonder. Dressed him and we went into the lounge - I closed the bedroom door.

All was going smoothly for a good half hour and Brent trotts up the hallway then I hear Dirley Dirley moke moke, look Dirley moke. Now I really don't think you need a translation. Oh fk I have never run so fast - opened the bedroom door - and the room was full of smoke. The towel I had thrown had landed on the one bar heater and was burning away quite nicely. Well I aired that place out - hid the towel in the bottom of the rubbish bag. First thing my sister did when she got home - put the laundry in the wash house and pulled out the burnt towel from the rubbish bag.
She was not very impressed - especially in light of the fact that when I was 4 years old I burnt my parents bedroom down - trying to have a cigarette.

I got to look after him again when he was 8 - while his Mum gave birth to his sister.

When said sister was 13 (going on 30) (at 2 years old I put her on an automated kids 4 wheeler - she loved it) we were in my brother's souped up MR2 - his pride and joy. She was skiting she reckoned she could drive the car - ok it is an automatic. This was in the back blocks of Nelson so I went down a side road stopped the car and said right you drive. The shocked look on her face was priceless. She got behind the wheel and drove like a natural - by this stage sanity had returned and after about a minute (bloody long minute) I got her to stop. Made her promise not to tell her mother. So we go visit big brother - and of course she can't wait to blab. Those kids have a lot of dirt on me lol.

I'm not proud of the above but my sheer ignorance and stupidity does amaze me at times. I did mature eventually - honest.

[McJim]

What an appropriate name you have given yourself. Well done.

[skidMark]

No nephews...

But at my sisters 21st me and my best mate picked on my little cousin, popping baloons at him all night ( he was 10 or so)

Until uncle roy came down n threatened to beat us to pulp, uncle roy is big scary ambo driver

[slofox]

I did mature eventually - honest.

A likely story...

[sunhuntin]

my neice and nephews aint old enough. but i remember mum and i taking the neice for a walk around the lake when she was a bubs and teething. we had to go down some concrete steps, and i made mum take her as i was worried about letting go of the buggy. so down we go, bump bump bump bump. we get to the bottom and lucy's screamin blue murder cos mum had forgot about her teething! poor little mite didnt settle down for ages.

[Skyryder]

I did mature eventually - honest.

I did once but did not like it.


I can remember once when my youngest just use to cry and cry and cry, still reckon it was all the bawling that gave her a good pair of lungs, any at the end of my tether, (I gota be one of the original house fathers) I peeled a lemon cut it into quarter and gave it to her. Shit you should have seen th elook on her face as she munched into thelemon, still cracks me up to this day just thinking about it. Anyway she got such a shock with the bitter tast she stopped crying. Used that trick for some time. It workes.


Skyryder