Why men cheat.

[Winston001]

Monogamy is a cultural imposition.

No more - no less

Source?

How many major societies are monogamous?

All.

Why would any culture impose monogamy if polyandry or polygamy was the preferred choice of humans?

The answer is that humans are naturally monogamous.

The only major culture which recognises polygamy is Islamic, yet most Moslems are monogamous. Furthermore the Koran has strict requirements = laws, regarding second wives to the extent that its discouraged unless you are wealthy.

[Sharry]

Not all of us will roll over in response to your contradictory grunts as readily as that well-trained hubby of yours does, y'know.

Having met said hubby I don't think he had to be trained, maybe unlike yourself, he is naturaly pleasant and respectful.

[Foxzee]

Wot the fuck we are not all perfect...true love is wot we are all searching for...fantasy, dreams, reality are all part of our minds and thoughts we think but at the end of the day this is not always realistic for a number of reasons whether it be family, friends etc.....When you have seen death to many close people or watch people die slowly that is pain and in that process you really think about where your life is going and want to live it......so come on why do we have this sort of post....people will do what they want for many many reasons that will never be clear to anyone else except them and they have a right to feel and choose their course of action from there...and no it doesn't suit everyone but they are doing it for a reason only known to them ....so I say back off and let people get on with it if they are happy.

[Nasty]

Wot the fuck we are not all perfect...true love is wot we are all searching for...fantasy, dreams, reality are all part of our minds and thoughts we think but at the end of the day this is not always realistic for a number of reasons whether it be family, friends etc.....When you have seen death to many close people or watch people die slowly that is pain and in that process you really think about where your life is going and want to live it......so come on why do we have this sort of post....people will do what they want for many many reasons that will never be clear to anyone else except them and they have a right to feel and choose their course of action from there...and no it doesn't suit everyone but they are doing it for a reason only known to them ....so I say back off and let people get on with it if they are happy.

This thread originated from an Oprah show ... its was a man on there talking about a new book ... that opened a interesting line for the poster. That some people are putting individual situations into this thread is silly - as the orginal poster did not ask for that .. but for discussion on a book.

That is why this thread is ... the way a thread takes on a life of its own - reflects the time and space that the users of a forum system are in ... should it be that way .. probably - but should there be personal attacks - NO ... there is no need for them ....its a pity when things turn that way ... because the reality is that the original poster saw a book being promoted and asked questions. If people are unhappy with their decisions - that is their choice, airing dirty laundary of others - is just plain rude and unthoughtful.

[Edbear]

So, would a wife who deceives her husband by promising to "...Love, honour..." etc, then doesn't fulfill that promise also be a cheat?

Yup! And vise-versa. Marriage is a two-way street, it takes two to make it work but only one to break it. A good marriage is the whole package, but in my opinion and in the Bible, (not that this need be a religious discussion, I said that infidelity hurts no matter who or what you are), sexual infidelity is the only acceptable reason for divorce. I have the greatest respect for a person who can be the "victim" of infidelity, yet forgive the cheater and keep the marriage together.

I doubt the marriage can ever be the same again, though. Perhaps there are those here who have done this and can tell their experience?

MAny marriages drift apart for the reasons you have given and that is sad.

Reading these threads as they pop up from time to time makes me realise how lucky I am.

We (Mrs O and I) were married 45 years ago on the first of this month.

It's been a bit tricky at times "but"

I think the secret to our success thus far has been due to her impeccable good taste in men and my extremely forgiving nature!

Whatever, it seems to work. John.

Congrats! And goodonyermate! I tried telling my Missus that but it just resulted in hilarious laughter...

Monogamy is a cultural imposition.

No more - no less

You married...?

[Edbear]

Heard and totally respected - but to use your words and enlarge the topic a little...


Semantic correction on this one. There's a number of promises made, to have hold, love, honour and obey are usually among them. That's a lot of work - but all worth investing in.



Which raises the question of cheating - or more precisely the definition of it. Sex with another? Love of another? Longing for another? Internet pron... etc

A general discussion starter for ten...

See my post above for my opinion on divorce, but you raise points I agree with. Fantasising about another person or viewing pornography is, in my own opinion disrespectful of your mate. Specifically, if a wife sees her husband viewing porn, how does she feel? Pornstars are usually attractive with nice figures, (or so I've heard...), so if one's mate is feeling less than perfect it can reinforce her insecurities.

I know many men here will argue with this, but all I say, is, "Why are you viewing porngraphy?" "What, really, is your marriage like?"

[Edbear]

This thread originated from an Oprah show ... its was a man on there talking about a new book ... that opened a interesting line for the poster. That some people are putting individual situations into this thread is silly - as the orginal poster did not ask for that .. but for discussion on a book.

That is why this thread is ... the way a thread takes on a life of its own - reflects the time and space that the users of a forum system are in ... should it be that way .. probably - but should there be personal attacks - NO ... there is no need for them ....its a pity when things turn that way ... because the reality is that the original poster saw a book being promoted and asked questions. If people are unhappy with their decisions - that is their choice, airing dirty laundary of others - is just plain rude and unthoughtful.

Good post! I'll try not to be too personal...

[jrandom]

Fantasising about another person or viewing pornography is, in my own opinion disrespectful of your mate.

Fair call. Not necessarily an opinion all would share, but fair call.

Presumably if the pornography is to both spouse's tastes and used as part of their shared sex life, that criticism no longer applies, though? Or would you still consider the viewing of it 'disrespectful'?

Bear in mind, too, that we have a number of polyamorists and swingers on this forum, some of whom have enjoyed long and happy marriages incorporating those slightly less conventional lifestyles.

I'd suggest that it's not so much any exact activities that should be tagged as 'disrespectful' or 'unfaithful', but rather an attitude of selfishness, disregard and dishonesty.

[CookMySock]

Yup, that anomally has me stumped too.

Guy roots lots of women: He's a stud.

Woman roots lots of guys: She's a slut.

Yeah I don't get it either. It's not fair to label females because they like to bonk (as well). Everyone likes a bonk with some tasty new partner - its yummy. Time to quit getting so insecure about it I reckon, and just enjoy what we all like.

Steve

[Edbear]

Fair call. Not necessarily an opinion all would share, but fair call.

Presumably if the pornography is to both spouse's tastes and used as part of their shared sex life, that criticism no longer applies, though? Or would you still consider the viewing of it 'disrespectful'?

Bear in mind, too, that we have a number of polyamorists and swingers on this forum, some of whom have enjoyed long and happy marriages incorporating those slightly less conventional lifestyles.

I'd suggest that it's not so much any exact activities that should be tagged as 'disrespectful' or 'unfaithful', but rather an attitude of selfishness, disregard and dishonesty.

Fair comment, too. I did say it was my own opinion and obviously not one shared by all, and I agree that it is the heart motivation and attitude that is at the root.

However I believe that a study of human nature lends weight to the view. I doubt "open" marriages are truly happy, especially for the woman. Regardless, though, I do know that a truly monogamous couple who really love and care for each other, who work on building a close bond, can achieve a relationship beyond anything else on Earth. They truly become "as one".

Such a relationship is built on an attitude of "selflessness, regard and honesty" and I have always said that it is attitude and motive that counts above action - though attitude will guide one's actions.

[Winston001]

I have the greatest respect for a person who can be the "victim" of infidelity, yet forgive the cheater and keep the marriage together.

I doubt the marriage can ever be the same again, though. Perhaps there are those here who have done this and can tell their experience?

There is an excellent book on this very topic - After the Affair - http://www.fishpond.co.nz/Books/Heal...t_info/650918/

Recommended. Down to earth advice based on studies of marriages which continued. Its more common than we'd think.

[Skyryder]

Source?

How many major societies are monogamous?

All.

Why would any culture impose monogamy if polyandry or polygamy was the preferred choice of humans?

The answer is that humans are naturally monogamous.

This is incorrect. There is an element in some relationships called love.

It transcends the physical attributes of lust and ego.

One of the most famouse of these relationships was Shah Jahan the builder of the Taj Mahal. As total ruler of the Moghul Empire his wishes were absolute law. As such he had the choice of all the unmarried woman within the realms of his empire yer he married only one. Such was his devotion to his wife Mumtaz Mahal he was not known to sleep with any other woman.

There are other instances where men of power who have the option of other woman decide not too becasue of love and this too is natural state other than wanting to stick it in all and sundry.

Skyryder

[vifferman]

It really fucking depressing to read this thread actually and see that a large percentage of guys seem to believe they are almost doomed to cheat given their 'instincts and blah blah fucking blah'....frankly I still think that is bollocks and it implies that men are not capable of 'free will or self control'...surely they are more sophisticated than the apes we all used to be.

Mebbe not.
While it would be nice to think that, the primal urges can be very strong, to the point that the small brain can easily overwhelm the big(ger) brain in the right circumstances (loneliness +/- drunkenness +/- temptation +/- distance from home ++ horniness).

[Number One]

Mebbe not.
While it would be nice to think that, the primal urges can be very strong, to the point that the small brain can easily overwhelm the big(ger) brain in the right circumstances (loneliness +/- drunkenness +/- temptation +/- distance from home ++ horniness).

Hrmmmm...yup depressing alrighty.
I must say though I am jealous of the fact you fellas can pee anywhere WHILE standing up

[98tls]

Mebbe not.
While it would be nice to think that, the primal urges can be very strong, to the point that the small brain can easily overwhelm the big(ger) brain in the right circumstances (loneliness +/- drunkenness +/- temptation +/- distance from home ++ horniness).

In saying that the reward for listening to the bigger brain is far larger than by comparison the reward for just saying fuck it she will never find out anyway though i will admit myself to back in the day listening to the smaller one,guilt sucks.I guess for me anyway its just a matter of not wanting to hurt someone by going through with it,simply not worth it.