Any bearded ones here?

**98tls** · 21st February 2009, 20:07

Originally Posted by SARGE

i have worn a goatee for most of my adult life and i have rarely been known to shave more than twice a week since i have been a civilian.. yea,... it itches a bit for the first few years then you either get used to it or it stops

err cheers mate,hopefully plan B works.

**Dave Lobster** · 21st February 2009, 20:08

Originally Posted by 98tls

PPfftt......down here we comb the crabs outta hookers minge insert them in our beards to make them itch more.

PPfftt.. a real man would use a hooker's minge AS his beard.

**Virago** · 21st February 2009, 20:08

I've had a beard for the last seven years, grew it after my father died (he had a beard most of his adult life, so it was kind of a memorial). Started off with a few grey whiskers, now approaching 50/50, damn it...

I had two distinct itchy phases. A "prickly" itch at about one week, then a "tickly" itch at 2-3 weeks (the stage when the whiskers really start brushing against each other when your face moves). It doesn't take long for your nervous system to adjust, and you won't notice it any more.

I trim mine back every week or so, back to the two week length (nice and short). For some reason the grey whiskers grow much faster than the normal ones...?

Resist the urge to subconsciously "toy" with it all the time (like Ewan McGregor did in Long Way Round).

**98tls** · 21st February 2009, 20:10

Originally Posted by Dave Lobster

PPfftt.. a real man would use a hooker's minge AS his beard.

Tried that and got sick of having a sloopy head.

**SARGE** · 21st February 2009, 20:11

Originally Posted by 98tls

err cheers mate,hopefully plan B works.

i recently stumbled on this from Craigslist

thought it might be worth a giggle.. and since we are on the subject of shaving...

Don't Shave

I have recently made one of the biggest mistakes in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated. This was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny balls of shit were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ass-cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me knowing that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling place. Eventually I would have to do one of two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its 'Can't-Be-Flushed' threshold.

As I was contemplating this problem, I had what seemed at the time to be a brilliant idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair all together, and then my crap will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements, things like "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK, or "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know?

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two ass-cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. And I mean it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4-block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair, ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass-cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum-sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a Brillo pad. Well, that's what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

All I can say is friends don't shave your ass hair!

The end…

**98tls** · 21st February 2009, 20:13

LOL nice find Sarge.

**smoky** · 21st February 2009, 20:18

Only a couple of generations before us every one had a beard, it was unheard of for a man to be clean-shaven.
In the Middle East young boys serve as homosexual playthings for rich Arabs, and lived in luxury (go to the Middle East and you’ll still see them in their Ferrari's and wearing their Rolex’s). As they got older they lost their status and were cast off, so to look and feel youthful for their poo-punching pimps, they shaved their body hair.
They also had money and fashion – they lived the high life, travelling to places like Paris and Verona. Their clean look appealed to the effeminate poofy socialites in Europe (mainly gay). So it became the fashion with predominately gay French and Italians. It sort of grew from there.

How sad

**98tls** · 21st February 2009, 20:22

Originally Posted by smoky

Only a couple of generations before us every one had a beard, it was unheard of for a man to be clean-shaven.
In the Middle East young boys serve as homosexual playthings for rich Arabs, and lived in luxury (go to the Middle East and you’ll still see them in their Ferrari's and wearing their Rolex’s). As they got older they lost their status and were cast off, so to look and feel youthful for their poo-punching pimps, they shaved their body hair.
They also had money and fashion – they lived the high life, travelling to places like Paris and Verona. Their clean look appealed to the effeminate poofy socialites in Europe (mainly gay). So it became the fashion with predominately gay French and Italians. It sort of grew from there.

How sad

There ya go then,explains my hairy arse.

**Skyryder** · 21st February 2009, 20:28

Originally Posted by 98tls

How long did it take to grow yours mate?

that is you in your avatar

isnt it?J/k.

Yes freshy shaved and had a haircut. Ya should have seen me before I left the cave and became civilised.

Skyryder

**Skyryder** · 21st February 2009, 20:42

Originally Posted by smoky

Only a couple of generations before us every one had a beard, it was unheard of for a man to be clean-shaven.
In the Middle East young boys serve as homosexual playthings for rich Arabs, and lived in luxury (go to the Middle East and you’ll still see them in their Ferrari's and wearing their Rolex’s). As they got older they lost their status and were cast off, so to look and feel youthful for their poo-punching pimps, they shaved their body hair.
They also had money and fashion – they lived the high life, travelling to places like Paris and Verona. Their clean look appealed to the effeminate poofy socialites in Europe (mainly gay). So it became the fashion with predominately gay French and Italians. It sort of grew from there.

How sad

Sorta interesting but facial hair as far as western civilsation goes is relitively a recent fashion trend. And I am talking civilsation here not in the dark ages. Although monks were usually clean shaven in these times.

Beards were considerd barbaric. This too some extent is due to the Greeks enemy of the Persians who were bearded. The Greeks in the main were clean shaven and so were the Romans in general. It is thought that this came about due to hygene in an much as their solders did not have washing and hygene facilities out in the field and as such this filtered down to the the general population and fashion styles of the day. Lice was a problem and being clean shaven reduced this problem in the field.

The first world war changed the acceptable bearded look of Victoran England to one where the shaven face was the norm. The safety razor was mass produced doing away with the bothersome razor strop and lead and the cutthroat razor.

Skyryder

**martybabe** · 21st February 2009, 20:51

Beards are great, ya get to scare the children at Christmas.

**munster** · 21st February 2009, 21:04

Originally Posted by martybabe

Beards are great, ya get to scare the children at Christmas.

Love it. So this what Santa does when he's on holiday?

**TLDV8** · 21st February 2009, 21:36

Originally Posted by 98tls

Have a wee wager going with a mate re beards which has me a couple of weeks into not shaving after shaving every day for years,the itchiness of it is starting to drive me mad and i almost got up at about 2 this morning and got rid of,does this stop when it gets longer or have i this to look forward to until he gives in and shaves his off?.

Mike,it will get better,i have had a beard for ages,come to think of it, most of the ladies i have dated had facial hair also.