Summer school classes....

**KiwiGs** · 24th November 2009, 08:35

Summer Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Novenber 30, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a K-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Had a quick search couldn't see this.
Apologies if this is a repost....

**<G>** · 25th November 2009, 21:02

Hi Folks: Classes for MEN at our local Learning Center for Adults -
Sign-up by Feb. 1st.

I believe you will find this both fulfilling and rewarding. . . --
Dottie Comm -- -- --

CLASSES TONIGHT -- Please Sign Up NOW ! NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their content, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.

TOPIC 1 -HOW TO FILL UP THE ICE CUBE TRAYS - Step by step, with
slide presentation.

TOPIC 2 -THE TOILET PAPER ROLL: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? - Round
table discussion.

TOPIC 3 -IS IT POSSIBLE TO URINATE USING THE TECHNIQUE OF LIFTING
THE SEAT UP AND AVOIDING THE FLOOR/WALLS AND NEARBY BATHTUB? - Group
Practice.

TOPIC 4 -FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER AND THE
FLOOR. -
Pictures and explanatory graphics.

TOPIC 5 -THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: CAN THEY LEVITATE
AND FLY INTO THE KITCHEN SINK? - Examples on Video.

TOPIC 6 LOSS OF IDENTITY: LOSING THE REMOTE OR ALLOWING OTHERS TO
USE IT. -
Help line support and support groups.

TOPIC 7 -LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS: STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE
RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE
SCREAMING. - Open forum.

TOPIC 8 -HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR
HEALTH. -
Graphics and audio tape.

TOPIC -9 REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST. - Real life
testimonials.

TOPIC 10 -IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE
PARALLEL PARKS? -
Driving simulation.

TOPIC 11 -LEARNING TO LIVE: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LIVING ALONE
OR WITH OTHERS. -
Online classes and role playing.

TOPIC 12 -HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION. - Relaxation,
exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

TOPIC 13 -HOW TO FIGHT CEREBRAL ATROPHY: REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS,
ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING
TO BE LATE. - Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies
offered.

TOPIC 14 CAR KEYS AND OTHER ITEMS. - Practice on developing skills
of putting things back where they belong so that they can be easily
found.

Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to any
survivors.

**<G>** · 25th November 2009, 21:04

Man Schooling:

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating
marriage - under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage. Southwest Tech is offering a new 2 year associates degree....

TWO YEAR DEGREE: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an associates degree in MA (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program
outline.

FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to getting in at 2AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Passing Gas Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her

I, too, apologise if this is a repost.

**crazyhorse** · 2nd December 2009, 17:07

BECOMING A MAN - TWO YEAR DEGREE COURSE

A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in:

Becoming a Real Man. That’s right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an MA degree. (Male Arts)

Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS-Learn To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under Things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101: Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A: What’s Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120: How NOT to Act like an arse when you’re Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SE#X 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SE#X 102: Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SE#X 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How To Put the Toilet Seat Down

(Elective) (See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don’t Look Like Brad Pitt
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*!@ from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket after Farting Is NOT Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask For Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important II

Course Electives:
EAT 102: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 103: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-In-Law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

**Edbear** · 2nd December 2009, 17:56

You mean I could have saved the last 32 years and learned all that in two...?

**McJim** · 2nd December 2009, 18:06

That's the course on how to be a real pooftah. Real men drink beer, burp, scratch their nuts and are waited on by womenfolk.

**Edbear** · 2nd December 2009, 18:11

Originally Posted by McJim

That's the course on how to be a real pooftah. Real men drink beer, burp, scratch their nuts and are waited on by womenfolk.

Bet you haven't shwon this post to the Missus...

**crazyhorse** · 3rd December 2009, 07:28

Originally Posted by Edbear

Bet you haven't shwon this post to the Missus...

ha ha - bet he hasn't either...........

**Pussy** · 3rd December 2009, 07:34

That's a SILLY post, crazyhorse!
Get back in the kitchen and cook some eggs......

**Stirts** · 3rd December 2009, 08:12

"MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket after Farting Is NOT Necessary"

This is just all wrong!!

You are supposed to do like so......
Fart, wait a few seconds for the aroma to react to the warmth of the bed thus increasing the intensity of the aroma, grab your partner by the hair and pull them under the covers and say "while you’re down there....."