Modern families

[jrandom]

First names all the way.

'Mum' and 'Dad' are biological terms, doesn't feel right to try and shift the tags.

I know I'd go a bit apeshit if my kids started calling my ex-wife's partner (she doesn't have one, but I'm sure some day she'll find a man who'll be able to put up with her...) 'Dad'.

Maybe the 'new mum/dad' thing would be more likely to work OK for split/mixed families that are no longer closely involved with the ex-partner(s), or where one parent has died and the survivor has remarried? Dunno. Still doesn't feel right to me, though.

[Mrs Busa Pete]

I'm with everyone else first name. My kids where a little bit older when i started going out with pete so he has always just been called pete.

Now on another note i now have grandkids and i also believe they call pete by his first name as they already have a grandfather (prick that he is). He now won't talk to one of my daughters because she won't let her boys call his wife nanna.


I beleive that there are two many kids out there with two many mums, dads, nannas and pops. And then if any of these extended relationships part 9 times out of 10 they dont want anything to do with said children. Again who gets hurt the inocent kids. Should i now duck for cover.

[FROSTY:Me]

I disagree that the word Mum or Dad is a birth right. I believe its earned by being the central figure in a childs life.Its earned by giving them a warm loved enviroment to grow up in.
Incidently of course I dont think the two are nessasarily mutually exclusive DAD can be father
I guess Im old fashioned but a child to me does not call an adult by his or her first name. I concider that disrespectful.
In Jorja's case its not a matter of the child having issues.The child prefers to call her mum.

[Mrs Busa Pete]

I disagree that the word Mum or Dad is a birth right. I believe its earned by being the central figure in a childs life.Its earned by giving them a warm loved enviroment to grow up in.
Incidently of course I dont think the two are nessasarily mutually exclusive DAD can be father
I guess Im old fashioned but a child to me does not call an adult by his or her first name. I concider that disrespectful.
In Jorja's case its not a matter of the child having issues.The child prefers to call her mum.

Sorry Frosty can't agree with that as your kids have a mother that does play a part in there lives if she didn't that would be something else altogether.

[toymachine]

I had a step dad late, and was a step dad early, so personally i never called my stepdad, dad, i always called him by his first name.

Likewise, when I was a step dad, I wasnt ready to be feeling like a dad, so i was called by my name or some kiddie version of it.

[Nasty]

You know I find this thread rather interesting ... interesting from a couple of angles ...

1. I am a stepchild
2. I am/was a stepparent

1. My stepfather was told that I didn't need another father, but I would like if he would be a friend. His parents are not my grandparents, but on that nore I have six grandparents ... they all have their own titles as well ... Nana June and Ron, Nana Daphane and Granddad and Nana and Pop ... multiple nanas .... but I know who each is and what they bought to my life.

2. little less on this, the kids were a blessing, their mother was not.

Kids as they grow up will decide themselves on what to call people, they receive guidance over the years, but inherently it is their decision.

Mum and dad are not hard and fast labels - nor are they things that you get as a right - it seems that the amount of people who think they only had a right to a word grows .. but being a sperm donor or egg donor does not give you anything - being a parent and bringing up a child may earn you that.

If a step-parent is called mum or dad by one of the kids there is something endearing about it .. .does that mean as a biological parent you are of less significance - probably not - but what it does mean is that the step-parent plays a significant role in their life and for them they have given them a significant name/title.

In todays blended families there is a true blending of the roles ... but not really a blending of the labels for them .... maybe that should be recognised somehow ...

[Mom]

You know I find this thread rather interesting ... interesting from a couple of angles ...

If a step-parent is called mum or dad by one of the kids there is something endearing about it .. .does that mean as a biological parent you are of less significance - probably not - but what it does mean is that the step-parent plays a significant role in their life and for them they have given them a significant name/title.

In todays blended families there is a true blending of the roles ... but not really a blending of the labels for them .... maybe that should be recognised somehow ...

Interesting take Nasty. I also think that if a biological parent feels threatened by their child calling a step parent Mum or Dad it is coming more from insecurity than from an actual dislike of the use of the word. I am opposed totally to forcing kids to use labels when adressing adults. For example I was made to call friends of my parents Uncle this or Auntie that, I hated it. They were not my family. I used to call them nothing.

I actually get very uncomfortable when people are visiting and their kids get told to call me Mrs Elliott. That is my ex-mother-in-laws name, not mine, I am Anne thanks. I dont find it disrespectful to be called by my name at all.
As far as blended labels go, my kids had it down pat when they were little.

They had a Nana and Poppa, a Grandad and a Grandma (who were remarried). So we had Grandma and Poppa Harry, and Grandad and Iris, their names for their grandparents.

[FROSTY:Me]

Incidently the CHILD has no issue. Not asked to or forced to use a or any name

[Nasty]

Incidently the CHILD has no issue. Not asked to or forced to use a or any name

I thought this was a generic issue, from what the OP says in the first post. Not a family only issue which should be resolved inside the family - the confines of which include the blended areas.

[Nasty]

Interesting take Nasty. I also think that if a biological parent feels threatened by their child calling a step parent Mum or Dad it is coming more from insecurity than from an actual dislike of the use of the word. I am opposed totally to forcing kids to use labels when adressing adults. For example I was made to call friends of my parents Uncle this or Auntie that, I hated it. They were not my family. I used to call them nothing.

I actually get very uncomfortable when people are visiting and their kids get told to call me Mrs Elliott. That is my ex-mother-in-laws name, not mine, I am Anne thanks. I dont find it disrespectful to be called by my name at all.
As far as blended labels go, my kids had it down pat when they were little.

They had a Nana and Poppa, a Grandad and a Grandma (who were remarried). So we had Grandma and Poppa Harry, and Grandad and Iris, their names for their grandparents.

I have a host of aunts and uncles who are not family .. and most people who know me call me Kari .. I expect no less .. hate mr ms mrs .. find lables are a pathetic try to make me something that I am not I also like my name its unique and is part of who I am ... like yours too mom

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Interesting to see that some pepole admit to dis owning stepkids after the link is brocken whitch hilights the point about of labaling people with family referances instead of there names

[Nasty]

Interesting to see that some pepole admit to dis owning stepkids after the link is brocken whitch hilights the point about of labaling people with family referances instead of there names

I take it this is Busa Pete .. or it would have said Mrs Busa Pete - would that be right???

Have no idea who has disowned their stepkids ... Or is it a case of the stepkids disowning them .... really on here, little snipbits of stories .. I don't think that these sorts of assumptions are that helpful ... in the thread or relevant to the OP.

[Mrs Busa Pete]

I beleive that there are two many kids out there with two many mums, dads, nannas and pops. And then if any of these extended relationships part 9 times out of 10 they dont want anything to do with said children. Again who gets hurt the inocent kids. Should i now duck for cover.

[QUOTE]

2. I am/was a stepparent

I take it this is Busa Pete .. or it would have said Mrs Busa Pete - would that be right???

Have no idea who has disowned their stepkids ... Or is it a case of the stepkids disowning them .... really on here, little snipbits of stories .. I don't think that these sorts of assumptions are that helpful ... in the thread or relevant to the OP.

That is correct at the end of the day you cant pull the wool over kids eyes .basicly do unto others as you would have others do un to you .the choice is yours to make the conection with the kids and dont get in the middle of them and there biologicail gardian/perant .

It come's back to what wendy said in her post.

[FROSTY:Me]

ok Im hooked---what in heck is an OP???

[SARGE]

after my mom died.. dad remarried a few years later.. ( i was WELL out of the house by that time).. Born Again Nutcase .. hooked into dad HARD ( and his wallet)

for years .. she kept saying


"You can call me Mom.."


" but you're NOT my mom..you're my Dad's old lady..theres a difference.."

she never understood...


no... we didnt get along from day 1


my stepkids call me by my first name ..