smart ... take a little knowledge and know the whole story ... shows how small your limited knowledge is ... all you have to do is ask for the whole story ... or not and make stupid assumptions. Well done! BTW some of us choose to not be involved .. others are forced into that ... thinking about it.
Nothing to what Mrs BP said at all ... you have to be allowed to have a connection ...
Life is a gift that we have all been given. Live life to the full and ensure that you have absolutely no
regrets.
For your parts needs:
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How about coming up with something altogether different to call the step-parents? I mean:
- The biological parent isn't comfortable with the step parent being called Mum or Dad. It's a shame but it's the way they feel. It will definitely keep causing tension. Is it worth it?
- The step parent isn't comfortable being called their first name by kids (my mother used to feel the same way and would bristle if kids call her by her first name. Now she has grand-kids and feels totally different. She loves being called "nana Dawn")
- So maybe work together with the kids to come up with another option altogether. A special family name that will be unique to their relationship with this special person in their lives.
I have a friend named Imogen whose step kids call her Immie. They call their biological mother Mummy and like it that they have a "Mummy" and an "Immy" in their lives. Nobody else calls her that, so it's a special name between her and the kids.
Let the kids come up with a few different options and try them out until they find one that fits. When they do find one, it will be unique and extra special.
There is no such thing as bad weather; only inappropriate clothing!
Me being pedantic. Not all biological, also environmental.
I'm adopted, so my non-biological parents are mum and dad. My biological parents are first name (I don't have contact with my b-mother anymore, but if I'm talking about her, it's by first name).
My sister calls her b-mother by her first name too.
My husband's daughter calls him dad and me by my name. It was her choice, I still don't feel it's right her calling him dad as he wasn't involved in her upbringing (circumstances, not lack of interest on his part).
Last edited by Nasty; 22nd March 2009 at 08:30. Reason: html
There is an old saying... you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your realitives.
I personally would prefer to be called by my partners children by my my first name... as a friend. Or, an agreeable nickname that is appropiate for us.
A name or title... dad, sir, Mr, if used in/as a mark of respect, if none is present, is lacking in real meaning... thus should not be used.
Respect is/should be... earned. Not taken for granted that it exists...
When life throws you a curve ... Lean into it ...
My 2 cents, not being a step-parent but almost was. "Mum" and "Dad" are special words and as a starting point, only two people in the world can be called that. They are the mother and father who raise a child from birth, even if separated.
Ok, that's the basic position. However, there are situations (such as with adoption or even fostering) that Mum and Dad are not the biological parents but nevertheless nurture and raise the child. They are rightly called Mum and Dad.
I might say at this point that I have no truck with the modern trend for children to address their parents by their first names, and cringe when I hear it. For me mum and dad are special names which no other man can take from me. But if you like to be called by your first name, no problem, just doesn't feel right to me.
Blended families are a conundrum and the variety of answers given here illustrate how difficult this is. I don't subscribe to the view that the children choose. By all means include them and their attitude is important, but not a commandment. They don't have the perspective of adults, especially of the mum or dad who is outside the new family. The wounds which unintentionally result can echo for decades.
I like the idea of mum and mummy, seems a clever answer. Generally my observation is step-parents are called by their first names - because they are not mum or dad - and that works out.
Blended families are just a pain in the arse. My parents only separated 18 months ago (when I was 26) so the step-parent being mum/dad is never going to be an issue for us.
I'm more conscious of the issues this will raise when Cajun and I have our own kids in terms of what they will call any prospective step-grandparents. My parents won't have much to do with our (future) kids so I'm expecting that it'll be Granny Karen and Janan, or similar. (I'll deliberately make my kids call them by really old-fashioned names.)
After reading such interesting views, feels like our family is out of date and not modern. My parents would have been married 28 years this coming weekend.
As for the "mum" "dad label" It depends on who are the people who raise the child predominantly during the youthfull years. A child may be adopted for example, just because the parents are not biological they have developed a loving bond and trust with the child. If the child feels loved then naturally the caregivers would earn the right to be called mum or dad.
With blended families its a grey area. The children are the innocent you can not force them to call you mum or dad if you arent the biologicial parent. My parents taught me to call older people by Mr... or Mrs.... but this old form of traditional respect has faded over time. It dosen't feel natural if a step parent is living under the same roof and you are calling him/her Mr or Mrs....see it more like a flatmate situation but as a step parent you have a little more authority and can guide as well as coach children.
My cousin married into a family with 3 young girls. She too was concerned about them calling her mum, and she didnt know how to interact with the instant family. I told her that you can care and guide the girls, but at the end of the day you should respect them as people and be their friend so that they can learn to trust her with confidence.
Children will develop their own special little bonds with step parents. Or they will rebel and try to make your life hell, by putting pressure on the relationship to break it up. Either way they will grow older learn their own values of what the words mum and dad mean to them. If the child says it has two mums or two dads whos to say it is wrong? Its their call, could be they say that because they trust you enough to call you that.
As long as they respect both people in the relationship and you mutually agree on what they call you who cares. I consider myself lucky to have both my parents married and still together. Even luckier to have my dad alive after curing his own cancer to be able to call him my dad still. You only get one biological mum and one biologicial dad no one can change that.
My bass is such a slapper.......I cant stop fingering those strings
I guess It does depend on the age of the child/children and the enviroment they are in.
A young child sorounded by other children using the word mum or dad naturally fall into using the same word
To see a life newly created.To watch it grow and prosper. Isn't that the greatest gift a human being can be given?
OP can also mean Opium Pusher, but I don't think that is relevant here.
Originally Posted by FlangMaster
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