Modern families

[Jorja]

These days alot of families are blended. Combining kids and lives is not an easy thing to do and at times it can be a real struggle.
Kids have to adjust to new rules and a new aurthority figure.
Parents have to learn to let their new partners/husband or wife make decisions they are used to making on their own.

My question is

In a blended family, what do kids call their step parents? Especially when that new parent is the primary caregiver.

What if kids are calling their new parent mum or dad and their biological parent tells them it is wrong? Should the ex be allowed to say 'you are not allowed to call them that!'

Am interested to know how other people deal with this senario.

[Mom]

My kids call Maha by his name, as his kids call me by mine. I have the pleasure of being known as "my other mother" too, which is really nice. What about the boys call you mommaK or something along those lines? Personally I would not push to be called Mummy or Daddy by step children, that is for them to decide. I have had foster kids call me by name, and a few that used to call me Mum, but it was always their call.

Blending families is tricky, no doubt about it. We have been very lucky bringing our 2 families together, we have had no problems at all.

[Mully]

In my situation, I called him by his first name - I never had any intention or expectation to call him "dad".

I can see the point of the biological parent's issue, but I guess it's a matter of sitting down with the kids and telling them they can use whatever name they want, but their Dad will always be their Dad.

BTW, your bike field needs to be updated.

[Jorja]

actually in this case it was the kids choice and they do understand the difference. They like calling me mum and they call her mummy. I never asked them to, they just started doing it.

[yungatart]

My step kids called me by my first name, my kids called Mstrs by his first name.
I never wanted to be 'Mum' to my step kids, they had a Mum already, (even if I thought she had 'issues').
You have to go with what works for you, but it is best IMHO, not to do things that will aggravate the real parent...makes life too hard for everyone, but especially the kids.

[Mully]

actually in this case it was the kids choice and they do understand the difference. They like calling me mum and they call her mummy. I never asked them to, they just started doing it.

Ah, OK. Wrong way round from what I thought.

Umm, I guess if it's their (kids) choice. I guess it's just insecurity on their (biological) part.

[CookMySock]

What if kids are calling their new parent mum or dad and their biological parent tells them it is wrong? Should the ex be allowed to say 'you are not allowed to call them that!

The kid should do as it feels comfortable. One day, if the kid wants to call ANY person "Mum" or "Dad" the time is right for them.

Kids visiting our house use whatever they choose. If one day they use "Mum" or "Dad" then good for us. If not, then maybe I could do something different in my own life, rather than forcing a situation on them.

I don't think any parent should be instructing their kids which to use. That is more likely to be based on the parents' own insecurites, rather than what is right or wrong, whatever that is.

Love them and let it grow and just see what happens.

Steve

[riffer]

I'm same as Yungatart and MSTRS.

Gini isn't Jessie and Zach's mum, she's Gini. The other two call her mum.

They all call me Dad though...

[James Deuce]

Don't worry about it. By the time they're teenagers, they won't be calling you anything except "uh". In their 20s they'll ignore you and in their 30s a therapist somewhere will be thanking your for blending your family by buying a new Porsche.

[DMNTD:Me]

By our first names...

[Kevnz]

I thought the modern blended family had either two Dads or two Mums

[ManDownUnder]

My Step father was always "Jack". Dad is a special word reserved for a special man. I the ex should be entitled to keep that bond sacred and should have the right to reserve that word for him and him alone.

That's not a marital issue, that's a blood family issue which runs a lot deeper IMHO

[davebullet]

First names here too for the step-relationships.

As long as I don't get consistently called asshole, bastard or anything inbetween, then I feel I'm doing ok.

Kids usually don't have the problem... it's the adults insisting certain names are used. Adults need to look at their own insecurities and ask why that is.

Funny thing is, my ex has had a cutie little daughter to her new man. My kids call him by his first name, and the little girl calls me "daddy" when I see her, because that is all she hears my kids call me. Of course she gets a "biggie huggie" when I see her too.

[fire eyes]

First name basis for us.

I would prefer my kids to call my partner by his first name rather than Dad .. I would prefer my kids call any prospective step-mother by her first name. But they are only preferences .. it's not really an issue for us.

[Unit:Me]

Ive a lot of experience with being a step parent. Im not their mother, they already have one who loves them, I am an adult in their lives and they refer to me by my name.
My daughter, on the other hand calls her step mum, mum. Thats because when she was little (10mths old) she was taken from me by her father, for 12 years, and was brought up by another woman (yes, it took 12 years to find her again), so she naturally called her mum. She corrects herself now (shes 20 now) when she refers to her step mum as mum when talking to me, but Ive always told her that its OK, because well she was her mum during her early years.
I guess it depends on the situation really.