Spending time apart: how much is appropriate?

[MotoGirl]

If a couple love each other, they are normally comfortable together and prefer being together.

And if they don't "prefer being together" because every weekend is spent apart, what does that say about the relationship?

[Str8 Jacket]

And if they don't "prefer being together" because every weekend is spent apart, what does that say about the relationship?

Its going through a tough patch and needs some work. If neither party wants to put in any effort into the relationship then its best to break up. IMO.

[Beemer]

Yup, depends on the couple! And what their respective interests are. I know one couple where she is into horses (she has a bike as well) and so she goes off to horsey events and he goes motorcycling or does other things some weekends.

My husband and I are both into bikes and cars so we do tend to spend most of our leisure time together as we both want to go and do the same things. However he goes trail riding many weekends over summer and I am not into that so I stay home. He also does the 1000 Miler (Grand Challenge) every year and I sometimes go up and travel home with him afterwards, but most times I stay home.

Last weekend we went to a car club event together, and this weekend we are going away to the Beach Hop together - and last month we went to a few bike club events together. We don't HAVE to spend all our time together but we actually enjoy it. We trust each other so it's not a matter of "I want to know where he/she is and what he/she is doing every minute of the day", it's more a matter of enjoying each other's company, liking the same sorts of things, and wanting to experience them together.

[klingon]

You've chosen an intersting site to ask this on. Bikers should know as well as anyone how wonderful it is to get out their on your own and concentrate on nothing but the bike, the road, and your riding. Literally put everything else out of your head for a period of time and just do something you enjoy doing, on your own.

Even if you take a pillion along for the ride, they are still not the one in charge of the machine and if you're thinking about them too much you're not going to be doing a very good job of riding.

When I used to work in retail I liked nothing better than to go home at night to my one bedroom flat, shut the door, and be alone. I found that a whole day of forced interaction with people was all I could handle and I woldn't have handled it so well if I had to come home to someone else who needed me to interact with them. Friends wanted me to go out at night and be social but I rarely did - I needed to be alone for a while.

But as other people have said, if there is a difference between the needs of the two people in the relationship, then that's what needs to be addressed. She needs to be assured that him going away for the weekend does not mean he doesn't love her. And she needs to accept that he needs time on his own.

[Trumpess]

the longer your together the more time you want to spend apart

Although my family are my world, I like my freedom.

[MsKABC]

Usually I either do the grocery shopping so she can do other things, or we do it together.

Good on you I hate sending my hubby grocery shopping - he spends way too much money and forgets half the things on the list. I don't like shopping with him either, it takes too long and he wants to buy too much junk food!

[Trumpess]

Good on you I hate sending my hubby grocery shopping - he spends way too much money and forgets half the things on the list. I don't like shopping with him either, it takes too long and he wants to buy too much junk food!

God ... that sounds sooo familiar!!

Ohhh and it takes twice as long to get the job done!

[cynna]

my girlfriend is off to london for 6 and a half weeks in may. thats the longest we have been apart in 6 years

we often go our seperate ways for a few days if i go away on my bike or off to see a band up north that she is not into and vice versa. her family is in auckland so she often goes up there. no big problem - looking forward to my 6 weeks of freedom tho...............

[FJRider]

Motorcycles are an escape from "normal" life... the lack of the restrictions(pressures), that can be imposed on you at home/work, make it easy to want to get out on the bike and just go. If you always have ... just gone when you felt like it... you always will. Sometimes a jab in the ribs (so to speak) to say ... I dont like that....lets talk about it... NOTHING will change.
I like the freedoms on the bike... but I dont see myself, as selfish as to assume MY wants are more important and have priority over my partners wants.

If it is not discussed, nothing will change

[Stirts]

And if they don't "prefer being together" because every weekend is spent apart, what does that say about the relationship?

What does it say about the relationship? Feck only the two people in that relationship will truly know. They may have good quality "relationship time" during the week and their weekends are "me" time. Who knows and who am I to judge their relationship.

When you are in a relationship you find that your relationship constantly changes the longer you are in it, as you grow as a person and as you get to know each other etc etc, sometimes your needs and wants change. It comes down to one simple little thing.....communication. Being straight up with how you are feeling, and where you want the relationship to go. What works for some may not work for others....EVERY relationship is different.

[BMWST?]

it does depend.....but on the face of it i would say that your exampme is over the top,every weekend and sometimes ALL weekend!

[Magua]

My ex-girlfriend and I were never apart for more than a week at a time, often far less. Although it seemed like we were tied at the hip we could still do our own things. Sometimes she'd go to partys with her friends and vice versa, or I'd go for a ride.

[vifferman]

Good on you I hate sending my hubby grocery shopping - he spends way too much money and forgets half the things on the list. I don't like shopping with him either, it takes too long and he wants to buy too much junk food!

Nah, I'm pretty good at it. I had two years of being a house-husband, so I got pretty good at grocery shopping. Hated it though - usually did it on Tuesdays during the day, and the suburb we lived in was full of old retired people. I'd be wanting to whizz around and shop quickly and efficiently, and the aisles were almost invariably clogged by people who either forgot what they were looking for almost immediately after they'd perused their list, or who stopped to gab to all their geriatric mates about who'd died or was about to.
Sometimes I find it hard - I've had to do the shopping recently even though suffering from mentalness, but managed to get everything on the list, plus stuff that wasn't on there but needed buying. It took supreme control to fend off the panic attacks, or the desire to kill other shoppers who repeatedly get in my way. The other day I did brilliantly well, until I realised I'd forgotten to buy flour, so doubled back. In doing so, I ended up not going down every part of every aisle. Checked my list: yup - everything bought. Forgot the very first entry: milk. It happened to be at the beginning of the very last aisle, so if I'd gone up it, I would've remembered to get it.

Shopping is (as you know) entirely different for (non-gay) males and females. Men just bag stuff (like hunting prey - that one'll do, get it before it gets away, we don't have to look at every animal in the entire forest). Get in quick, bag it, get out before the predators are attracted by your activity.
Women are used to browsing: examine ALL the fruit and greenery on offer, pick the very best, shiniest and ripest stuff. Take your time, make an outing of it.
When you apply this built-in programming to shopping together, it's fkn disaster. The guy just wants to buy the first thing that meets the criteria and is a reasonable price. The woman wants to look at EVERY FREAKING THING IN THE ENTIRE SHOP AND ALL SIMILAR SHOPS IN A 10km RADIUS to make sure she's got the very best colour / size / price / brand / packaging.

To be truthful, when I shop with my wife, I have to often supress my urge to scream and run away. I've learnt to go into a semi-catatonic state, retaining just enough surface awareness to instantly snap to attention if asked a question. While I've learned to be very good at shopping (f'rexample, I'm brilliant with colours), I find it less pleasurable than say, giving blood, visiting the doctor or dentist. Thankfully, I've also learned to be honest with the vifferbabe, and she's learned to recognise when I'm growing agitated or showing signs of stress, and ignore it...

I share activities such as shopping with the wife as a sacrifice - it's something she (usually/sometimes) appreciates, and I (sometimes/rarely) get brownie points for this selfless act.

[MotoGirl]

But as other people have said, if there is a difference between the needs of the two people in the relationship, then that's what needs to be addressed. She needs to be assured that him going away for the weekend does not mean he doesn't love her. And she needs to accept that he needs time on his own.

This is the reverse of that situation. She spends all day dealing with customers yet still goes out regularly with girlfriends during weeknights and sometimes both days on the weekend. Adding to this, a weekend getaway with a girlfriend would happen at least twice a month.

[MsKABC]

Nah, ...

to everything you just said!