Choosing parenthood - Women vs men

**Stirts** · 30th March 2009, 15:14

Originally Posted by MotoGirl

An interesting response. I personally say bad luck for both of them purely on the basis that he chose to shag her knowing that the pill is only 98 percent effective yet he took no extra precautions to account for the shortfall.

Most definitely bad luck for both.

But how effective is any contraceptive? you cant get it tested! Condoms break! How far do you go to safeguard yourself from getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant, short of not having sex and quite frankly bugger that!!!

As a female I take FULL responsibility....at the end of the day it is me that will get pregnant therefore if I decide to keep the baby and poor boy over there doesn't want anything to do with it fair call I understand and I walk away!

**Monobrow** · 30th March 2009, 15:15

Originally Posted by MsKABC

Personally I don't believe so, but some people may feel that she has taken responsibility for the contraception and therefore the responsibility of the child is hers.

If you're in a caring relationship with someone you'd have to be a right cunt to abandon ship.

If you're not in a caring relationship you're the fool for not thinking to safeguard your arse.

Pay up the child support and stop ya whining.

**MotoGirl** · 30th March 2009, 15:22

Originally Posted by Stirts

Most definitley bad luck for both.

But how effective is any contraceptive? you cant get it tested! Condoms break! How far do you go to safeguard yourself from getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant, short of not having sex and quite frankly bugger that!!!

As a female I take FULL responsibility....at the end of the day it is me that will get pregnant therefore if I decide to keep the baby and poor boy over there doesn't want anything to do with it fair call I understand and I walk away!

Yep, you are right. How many guys do we know that would rather buck the condom to feel the sensation rather than wear it for the extra protection? (Based on a woman also taking the pill.)

**Stirts** · 30th March 2009, 15:29

Originally Posted by Monobrow

If you're in a caring relationship with someone you'd have to be a right cunt to abandon ship.

When you are in a caring relationship with someone you generally have the discussion about babies, and if you agree that you both don't want kids, and then she changes her mind without telling you or accidently gets pregnant and wants to keep it? I think someone else may be the cunt there!

**fireliv** · 30th March 2009, 15:36

Tough one.

If I was a guy (heaven forbid!) and I was having a 1 night stand or casual etc, even if the chick said she was on the pill, I would still use a condom, I mean no harm in that.

If I was a guy in a long term relationship, and something happened with the contraception, then too bad. Deal with it, be supportive and be a dad.

However I can understand guys might get tricked into having kids, and in that case the one who did the tricking should deal with the consequences.

**MsKABC** · 30th March 2009, 15:39

Originally Posted by fireliv

If I was a guy (heaven forbid!) and I was having a 1 night stand or casual etc, even if the chick said she was on the pill, I would still use a condom, I mean no harm in that.

And if the condom broke and conception resulted?

Would this situation be any different in a long-term relationship?

**Monobrow** · 30th March 2009, 15:44

Originally Posted by Stirts

When you are in a caring relationship with someone you generally have the discussion about babies, and if you agree that you both don't want kids, and then she changes her mind without telling you or accidently gets pregnant and wants to keep it? I think someone else may be the cunt there!

Talking about it before it happens and having it happen are quite different. Maybe up until that point the chick believed she didn't want kids then finds out she's pregnant and what her options are. Making a decision like that may not be so user friendly when it actually happens.

Changing her mind without telling you assumes deceit and that's a whole different playing field.

**fireliv** · 30th March 2009, 15:45

I think it would. But what would I know A) not a guy and b) never had a 1 night stand.

From my female point of view, I am also of the view that contraception is my responsablilty as well. If the condom broke, I would probably get the morning after pill as well just to be sure, even if I was on the pill.

**Mom** · 30th March 2009, 15:51

Originally Posted by fireliv

Tough one.

If I was a guy (heaven forbid!) and I was having a 1 night stand or casual etc, even if the chick said she was on the pill, I would still use a condom, I mean no harm in that.

If I was a guy in a long term relationship, and something happened with the contraception, then too bad. Deal with it, be supportive and be a dad.

However I can understand guys might get tricked into having kids, and in that case the one who did the tricking should deal with the consequences.

I knew a chick that did that to her boyfriend. Fucken terrible thing to do, stopped taking the pill and did not tell him. Of course a baby was made, she expected him to marry her on the spot. This was back in the days where a child born out of wedlock was not a cool look at all.

She told him she got pregnant, not that she had stopped taking the pill mind. He moved house, changed jobs and they set up house together, no wedding bells (also a no no back then). Baby was born, and things started to go down hill for them. She was an absolute harridan, gave him shit every hour they were together. He worked like a dog to support them and she was vile in the extreme. One day in the heat of yet another argument she told him she got pregnant on purpose.

That was it for him, he kept going to work, paying the bills and taking her shit, but he did not react at all, just went through the motions of life. One day he came home from work and the house was empty, totally devoid of furniture, she had taken every single thing there. He rang us and we went round, honestly you simply would not have believed it, everything gone, but he was grinning. We put him up for a little while till he got some replacement bits and peices.

She ended up back at her parents place (very strict dutch catholic family) nursing her injured pride taking the full heat from them, while he quietly went about getting on with his life. She eventually contacted him wanting to get back together, bet you cant guess his response.

This back before DPB, and when solo mothers were not cool. He used to send her some money each month for the baby c/- of her parents place as far as I know has never had anything to do with her again. Want to know who I feel sorry for? Their little boy.

EDIT: not so little now thinking on it, he must be 30

**Stirts** · 30th March 2009, 15:56

Originally Posted by Monobrow

Talking about it before it happens and having it happen are quite different.

I fully get that. Then I think the discussion needs to be re-addressed and decisons need to be made by both. But if it were me.....I wouldn't hold it against him if he walked away.

Originally Posted by Monobrow

Changing her mind without telling you assumes deceit and that's a whole different playing field.

For sure!

**Mom** · 30th March 2009, 15:58

Originally Posted by Monobrow

If you're in a caring relationship with someone you'd have to be a right cunt to abandon ship.

If you're not in a caring relationship you're the fool for not thinking to safeguard your arse.

Pay up the child support and stop ya whining.

Originally Posted by Monobrow

Talking about it before it happens and having it happen are quite different. Maybe up until that point the chick believed she didn't want kids then finds out she's pregnant and what her options are. Making a decision like that may not be so user friendly when it actually happens.

Changing her mind without telling you assumes deceit and that's a whole different playing field.

Two great posts in a row

**oldguy** · 30th March 2009, 16:02

Sexual intercourse, or coitus, refers in a strict biological sense to the insertion of the male's penis into the female's vagina for the purpose of reproduction. Sexual intercourse is found among all mammalian species.

Sexual Intercourse — The Most Intimate Behavior
In addition to recognizing a wider array of behaviors as constituting different types of intercourse, sex researchers and therapists have come to recognize that humans engage in sexual intercourse for many reasons beyond procreation. Sexual intercourse is among the most intimate behaviors possible between two people, and, for many people, it is also one of the most pleasurable and emotionally satisfying.

sure way not have an unwanted pregnancy anal or oral.
so if the guy had done this, she wouldn't be pregnant, he wouldn't be trying to do a runner.

Moreover, intercourse is not limited to partnerships between individuals of opposite genders. Same-sex or homosexual encounters, involving oral or penetration or stimulation, are also referred to as sexual intercourse. Some also include digital (use of fingers or hands) intercourse or mutual masturbation as yet another form of intercourse.

**Swoop** · 30th March 2009, 16:13

Condoms do break!! Damn bloody right they do.

Originally Posted by Mully

It's better than picking up chicks at family reunions. The rellys frown upon that.

Funerals are much better... All those grieving women needing comforting...

**Lonebull** · 30th March 2009, 16:43

Originally Posted by MsKABC

OK, I confess I was watching daytime TV, Dr. Phil to be precise. The show today was about men who have fathered children and wanted to opt out of taking any part in the child's life and/or paying child support. Their argument was that they made every effort to ensure a child was not created. They'd also made it clear to their partner beforehand that they didn't want to be a father and therefore they were under no obligation. They pointed out that no-one forces women to become parents against their will as they have the option of termination or adopting out (in many societies at least). Why should men be forced to take responsibility if women aren't?

I'd never really looked at it this way, and they do have a point. It's quite a double standard in many respects.

Thoughts?

I hear what your sayin and agree but the system is so heavily stacked in favour of women when it comes to children and families that such an argument at this point in time is on a hiding to nothing. Fair does not have a lot to do with it.
I know that there are some women out there who may disagree with me about the stacked system but I would say those women have never been though the courts as a male in a custody or access battle (Pardon the Homer Simpson moment). The "system'" is super sensitive to the "plight of women" and for good reason. We all know that in some cases there is entrapment and its not always the guys fault but the way things are in such matters I feel it will be "guilty until proven innocent" for guys for some time to come. The double standard is there no doubt and it does not stop with who the father of the baby is. Unfortunately as men we must pay the toll for every dickhead out there who can't handle his drink or his anger and takes it out on his wife or girlfriend. The thing is the statistics don't lie, women die every day and this has fueled the way that the courts and society structures its laws and views such things as the sanctity of "family" whatever "family" means nowadays. Then add to that the encroaching American Ethic that someone is always guilty and therefore has to pay and you get the picture. I totally agree that if a woman makes the choice as MsKABC has outlined then she alone should foot the bill. Trouble is that that view has no chance of even being considered unless some perceptions start to change. We can sit round and bleat about how unfair it all is or we can start to make some inroads. Balance needs to be restored but that will take time and some decent guys sticking up for themselves. We also need to jump up and down on those idiots who make it hard for us. Don't be part of a society that turns the other cheek. GET INVOLVED.

That's my two bits worth

Ka Kite