Mental breakdowns: recognising one in progress?

[Boob Johnson]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. She isn't mental or near it in my opinion, she is just emotionally immature, extremely self centered & in need of some serious counseling. If you are able to pay this clown out, then do so, sounds like it would be well worth it to be rid of her.

[MotoGirl]

Cheers for that

Denial is a very powerful tool!! Unfortunately some people live in their own little worlds.. totally oblivious to the trail of chaos they leave in their wake!

As mentioned earlier, this kind of behaviour would suggest that she has very deep issues with insecurity, low confidence & very low self esteem. Some people with those traits often tend to reverse this & display outwardly by being bullies, control freaks & are often aggressive or passive people (both are manipulative). They NEED to be in control of everyone & everything around them.. in order to feel "safe" in their own little worlds.

Being defensive is a coping mechanism.. they will try & show "I'll get you" before you can "get them" type of behaviour.

Yes, there are definitely issues with self esteem, denial, and rejection here. I can understand that she will be hurt after her marriage split up after nearly 32 years but at the end of the day, she refused to deal with it and swept it under the carpet for months.

remember she is not your responsibility!

She may not be my responsibility but there is obvious pressure in the (extended) family to stay in contact with her. I guess this is a downfall of my entire family living in one city.

If I tell her to bugger off, she will annoy the other family members (she's so highly dependent) and they will lay the pressure on me to to take some pressure off them. Unfortunately, she doesn't make friends easily and the one she did have recently died so now there are only the family members.

[MyGSXF:Me]

Yes, there are definitely issues with self esteem, denial, and rejection here. I can understand that she will be hurt after her marriage split up after nearly 32 years but at the end of the day, she refused to deal with it and swept it under the carpet for months.

Karma has it's way of catching up....

She may not be my responsibility but there is obvious pressure in the (extended) family to stay in contact with her. I guess this is a downfall of my entire family living in one city.

If I tell her to bugger off, she will annoy the other family members (she's so highly dependent) and they will lay the pressure on me to to take some pressure off them. Unfortunately, she doesn't make friends easily and the one she did have recently died so now there are only the family members.

Maybe the "family" collectively, could kindly suggest that she seeks some counselling.. rather than just coming from one or two.. 'tough love' kinda thing...

[Number One]

Some of the symptoms you describe sound a little like a bi-polar conditiion - manic-depressive in the old money - probably skewed towards the depressive end of the scale.

My thoughts also - coupled with some personality disorder stuff.

I actually have someone pretty close to me that is very similar and some heavy attention from a psychologist has actually managed to make my person far more easy to deal with - hell even a bit pleasant now and then!

Good luck - not nice to deal with when you are in a position where you can't just walk away.

BTW - personally I would stay the hell away from 'counsellors' in my experience so many of them are as fucked up as the patients they are apparently trying to 'help'.

[fire eyes]

I definitely agree with Number One.

I have experienced some of the same behavior with someone close .. part of his behavior was gradiose, blowing things up completely into something it wasnt .. had an addiction to cars .. buying them without the means to actually pay for them .. a need for constant attention and creating dramas where he became the centre of attention ... sleeping patterns were quite extreme .. total lack of self-responsibility .. weight was up and down like a yoyo .. suicide attempts and threatening to do so .. the pressures of work and inability to cope actually brought it into the forefront ... he would shake upon going to work, muddled and confused .. he left a note for me before work telling me he needed help .. I rung the mental health crisis team whilst some family members went down to his work to get him out of work .. basically we saw it as a safety issue not only for him but also for others around him .. he was already on anti-depressants for about 3 years .. but things really began to spiral out of control .. once the crisis team got involved .. he had councelling, was then referred to a gp who then referred him to a psychiatrist who then diagnoised him as bi-polar.

For us .. then behavior took a sinister and bizzarre turn which had us on high alert .. it's a hard one to recognise but I say .. if the behavior is considered destructive not only to the person but also to ones around them then call a professional for advice .. even just for a sounding board .. it may come to nothing in the end ... but could help with peace of mind.

[Kemet]

Is there any way you could transfer the title of the house into a family trust of some sort.

I have 3 siblings myself. They have purchased a house together. I'm not in the house because I couldn't afford it at the time so I don't have to worry about it on a personal level. What I do know is, is that with them they have organised things because none of us are married or in long term relationships but of course that can easily change. However, they also don't want to be in a situation where if they are in a relationship/marriage that goes sour they don't want the house or equity from the house going to an ex who has had no financial contribution to the house. So what they have done is put it in trust (or registered as a company - one of the two) so that the house/equity is legally only available to them as a group and as a group they must agree on any changes (including buy-outs) and cannot be forced by a spouse to forfeit anything. An arrangement fair for all involved.

This may sound a little cold but whoever has a stake in this house that you jointly own, you may need to get some legal help and have a legal agreement drawn up and put in place to protect everybody.

Drifting a little bit away from the mental health issue but if this can help clear up one issue that is complicating things, to me, it makes it worth suggesting.

Just remember!! Don't forget to look out for yourself in this. You are just as important, too!!

[WolfCollared]

check out the depression thread...

[Forest]

I hate to say it, but a lot of the stuff you mentioned sounds like weakness of character rather than mental illness.

I'd start by making her get a job. Before she develops a case of "benefit-itis".

[MotoGirl]

Drifting a little bit away from the mental health issue but if this can help clear up one issue that is complicating things, to me, it makes it worth suggesting.

Just remember!! Don't forget to look out for yourself in this. You are just as important, too!!

Yes, this is a good idea and our house is already in two separate trusts. The problem is that she is a Trustee in one of these, hence she is responsible for signing any paperwork. Even if the five other Trustees signed something, she would go against us all if there was any chance of her getting more money by holding out.

I hate to say it, but a lot of the stuff you mentioned sounds like weakness of character rather than mental illness.

I'd start by making her get a job. Before she develops a case of "benefit-itis".

It's too late for that, I'm afraid. She's never worked since she got married (about 34 years ago) and she was always supported by her spouse. She doesn't want to work. I know this because:

• She's higher qualified than I am (she's doing a Masters in IT)
• She went to an interview for a helpdesk position only to tell the interviewers "I didn't do a degree to end up working on a helpdesk"
• Her expectations are unreasonable. She's in her 50's and expected to start as a Business Analyst (what I do) getting paid what I get, after years of working in the industry. Like I said, she has no work experience but thinks she's entitled to it because of her age and/or life experience.
• I have arranged casual work for her at my own workplace and she will leave after a couple of hours to go home and have a nap.

[discotex]

Doesn't sound bipolar to me. Bipolar suggests she's high and crazed like she's on P then comes down for a depressive episode.

See if you think 5 of these are applicable and have been for some time:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderl...IV-TR_criteria

If they are then there's a high likelihood that she's Borderline Personality Disorder.

If that's the case do whatever you can to sort the house situation or she will probably take you down with her.

[Burtha]

BP diagnosis is for the experts and borderline is such a general unbrella that most of us on a bad day could be under it!

Was there ever a time when you got on well and communicated - a special occasion that you could both reflect on?

I think its clear she is depressed, but where its going to lead to and when and what further triggers it only those with the skills will be able to help.

Definitely talk to your friend in the mental health industry.

Good on you for giving a shit!
As you can tell - its hard for most to care for those when others are like this, which is when they actually need at lot of support to help get over their insecurities etc.

[RantyDave]

"I didn't do a degree to end up working on a helpdesk"

I was exactly the same after I graduated. I was 21. Couple of good doses of unemployment sure as shit beat that out of me.

Dave

[2much]

So Neil's being a whiney little bitch again huh? Doctor says, put half a teaspoon of concrete in his coffee for the next 2 weeks... that should help him HTFU.


So anyway... how you doing?

[imdying]

(there's about a $40K variance)

Have her whacked... at least you've got a good idea of what such a job would be worth (to you).

[discotex]

BP diagnosis is for the experts and borderline is such a general unbrella that most of us on a bad day could be under it!

I totally agree BPD requires an expert diagnosis. But then so does depression as it also has such a wide range of symptoms it could be anyone on a bad day. In fact that goes for much of the DSM IV.

All the more reason to seek professional help when dealing with any mental health issues - i.e. you want psychologists/psychiatrists not GPs/councilors.