Fatt Max & The Biker of Porn

**Fatt Max** · 3rd May 2009, 16:36

Feck this is funny, happened literally an hour ago....

I had to dart out to Manukau with some gear so I had to cage it (gutted for that, have you seen the weather)

Anyway, heading back along Chapel Road towards Botany and there is a little 50cc scooter in front of me with a luggage pod that does not look secure in the least.

As the scooter gets to the shops just before the new bridge, the bike jolts (must have hit something, didnt see myself) and the fecking pod flys off the bike into the road. The lid opens up and all this stuff flys out of it all over the road.

I stop and pull over, not before beeping and flashing the scooter guy who has gone through the lights but has waved to acknowledge his folly.

"ok" I think, "let's be the good citizen and clear the stuff off the road". I see the scooter boy has turned around and is waiting at the lights.

I start picking up the contents of the pod.....now this is where it gets funny, well, a bit weird....

The contents as I remember were:

2 x copies of Aisian Houswives magazine
5 x copies of Senior Sluts
1 x copy of some foreign porno mag with a woman and a what looks like a donkey on the cover
2 x huge dildos
2 x tubes of some kind of lubricating chemical
1 x box of latex gloves
....oh yes, and the weekend Herald

Ok now, so who cares if the guy is riding around with some dodgy porn and a few accessories, but the headline on one of the Senior Sluts magazines got me...

"Check Out 85 Year Old Maggie's Taste for a Good Steamer"

Needless to say, I didnt turn to page 32 as invited.

By the time scooter guy turns up I am pissing myself. He removes his lid and I can see that he is a 30-something dude with a wedding ring and a fecking huge red face.

"Got any fat porn in there mate? I love'em big" I ask him. He just grabs the pod, mutters something under his breath and fecks off.

"Oi" I shout after him, "You forgot your bouncy cocks..."

But the guy had gone.

So, I'm standing outside some shops with all this junk in my hand. I place it all into a New World carrier bag that the lube was in and place it next to the bin outside the dairy. If you are quick you may even find it.....

Takes all sorts, eh.......

**Okey Dokey** · 3rd May 2009, 16:40

F*!&ing hilarious! I hope you didn't catch anything, fatt maxx!

**Virago** · 3rd May 2009, 16:45

The Weekend Herald...?

**martybabe** · 3rd May 2009, 16:47

Well clearly I was a bit embarrassed at the time, please return my bouncy cocks and I will send you a free copy of 'Fat mommas at pie time' monthly, by way of reward.

Yours sincerely, Hooters on scooters adult emporium x

**DMNTD:Me** · 3rd May 2009, 16:49

Originally Posted by Virago

The Weekend Herald...?

Yeah I know! Disgusting!

**Blatman** · 3rd May 2009, 16:57

"I place it all into a New World carrier bag that the lube was in and place it next to the bin outside the dairy"

And you expect us to believe that?

**Maha** · 3rd May 2009, 17:01

Though Ixion would have been on that Coro Loop ride?

**Fatt Max** · 3rd May 2009, 17:02

Originally Posted by Blatman

"I place it all into a New World carrier bag that the lube was in and place it next to the bin outside the dairy"

And you expect us to believe that?

Ok, I took the donkey mag with me.....it had a great recipie for sausage stroodle on page 16......I least I think it is a sausage that she is rolling in pastry and shoving up that guys rusty sherrifs badge

And yes, a New World bag is not quite true, how could any Kiwi disrespect netball....apart from the editor of 'Go Down On The Wing Defence Montly' of course

**paturoa** · 3rd May 2009, 17:13

Originally Posted by Fatt Max

2 x copies of Aisian Houswives magazine
5 x copies of Senior Sluts
1 x copy of some foreign porno mag with a woman and a what looks like a donkey on the cover
2 x huge dildos
2 x tubes of some kind of lubricating chemical
1 x box of latex gloves
....oh yes, and the weekend Herald

I was thinking spank
then Oldguy
then Bob
then Renegademaster
then it hit me - carver!