How do you tell your kids you can't see them anymore?

[Blakamin]

What sux the most is the fact she'll prolly have legal aid and you have to find $10k outta your pocket.... fuck, family court is just bull shit!!!

is there a website for that fathers group? (cant remember what they're called but they have a fuckin good handle on family law)
Might pay to look into them...

Good luck... and if ya need anything, just yell

[Ms Piggy]

Hey Simon,
I am so sorry about your situation. Thats really all I can say. I'm not a parent so I can only imagine what it must be like for you right now. My thoughts are with you.

[Rainbow Wizard]

Isn't there some redress to this farcical situation? A higher, more-commonsensical bureaucrat you can appeal to?:spudwhat:

You must be bloody joking!

[Skyryder]

This is one of the reasons so many kids are fucked. One parent acts ...............well I am not going to state the obvious. Don't have all the answers for this one but keep it simple. You asked the question 'How do you tell your kids you can't see them." There is no answer for that question but I think you both need to know that this will not be forever. Kids grow up and become adults. Just hope all pans out for 'all' of your family.

Skyryder

[SPman]

Bad news mate.
Tell your daughter straight out and why.
Kids arent stupid.
My brother went through exactly the same bullshit. His sons are now 19 &17 and are a bit screwed up - which the ex, surprise surprise, blames on him! But at least they can see him now.

try this link http://www.menscentre.org.nz/links.htm

[soundbeltfarm]

feel for you mate.
if i couldn,t see my kids dont know what i would do.
sounds loike she needs the therapist.
why are people so blind to the needs of their children in split ups.
she just trying to hurt you and not thinkingof the children.
and she is hurting you... fucken bitch.
when your kids are older they hopefully will come with you.
same thing happening to a member of my family as we speak.

[Ghost Lemur]

This doesn't quite sound right to me. Did the caught make this order, or was it a demand from her lawyer?

If the latter ignore it. If the former, was it a one off thing? Going through my battle with the ex, we ALL had to do one, including the kids. Although with them it was just the guy coming out and observing them. If it's a one off just do it, tis nothing to worry about and pretty standard.

If it's a court order demanding on going psychotheraphy... I don't know you or your circumstances... but I'd do two things, contact my local mp, media, absentee fathers support group and two, appeal.

Stay strong and remember your kids are not kids forever. Yes it may be fucking with them emotionally and that's a scary thought, expecially when you have no control over the situation. But they will make there own choices when they are adults. Then she (your ex) will be unable to dictate the relationship you have with them.

Most importantly though is that you kids know you haven't given up, and they are still important enough to keep fighting.

But get more professional advice, we're all here for support but aren't of much use above that.

Stay strong.

[FROSTY:Me]

Mate methinks its time to stop playing mr nice guy (with her)
Apply to the high court and get a court order exactly and specificly giving times of access etc. This totally sucks mate and I so feel for you a ginny.
-ya know Im goin through the same shite with my lil girl doncha.
I think if she doesn't comply with high court judgments she can be held in contemp of court.
Stay strong me lil buddy -Im prayin for ya

[riffer]

Thanks guys. The support means a lot to me.

Obviously there's a lot more going on here then I can discuss in a public forum (what I can say about the family court system is limited).

Suffice to say:

My ex is a control freak.
Everything she is doing was previously done by her mother to her father.
She has major issues with her father.
Our breakup was not amicable.
She was unfaithful.
She has accused us of many things during this two-year court battle, most of them untrue.
Lawyers are extremely expensive
The children love us unconditionally despite their mothers behaviour.

It is an absolute shame she has to drag them through this crap.

[Coyote]

1. that I undergo psychotherapy with a psychologist
2. that she has the right to direct how I am to be counselled
4. that I pay for this out of my own pocket.

That's incredible. How can someone have the nerve to demand that? Wouldn't the court see her as a raving lunatic? And psychotherapy? What have you done for her to be asking that?

Hope you make it through ok, with you all the way

[Joni]

with you all the way

Yes remember that Simon, I wont talk for anyone else here, although Im sure there are many people who say the same. If you need anything let me know.

Jo

[madboy]

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and from an Upper Hutt slapper too) but fortunately for me circumstances were different to yours and I'm the one with the kid tucked up in bed in my house now.

Only advice I can offer is get a GOOD lawyer (they're certainly not all created equal - sell the bike, car, get a loan, but make sure they're GOOD) and don't EVER get into the slanging match. She can say you did everything under the sun, but don't bite back.

You're the one who has to live with your actions. As many have said before me, your kids will be adults one day and they will be able to see the what really went on, and it will reflect accordingly on those involved. Needless to say, if you can hold your head high and say you conducted yourself like an adult - then you will be the winner.

[wkid_one]

Si man - that is cruel. You are welcome over here anytime for a brew....

I unfortunately have only fought for custody over my dog!

I can see how young Celtic is one you would miss, he is a gem......I can only imagine if the daughter is similar ---- it must be tearing you apart.

Anything I can do to help - let me know.

[Hooks]

Simon I really feel for you ... I am about to go through something similar but caused by in laws as my ex still overseas. The fact that I have done this with 4 kids on my own with little or no support means nothing and now just because I'm trying to do something for myself in my life they think they have right to control how we live !!
The family court system is probably the most useless thing the B'crats have ever put together !!
Is there no way that your daughters therapist can over-ride the court as far as her well-being is concerned ?? If they know what is happening then surely they must be bound to ensure her wefare and offer a solution as well as casting some doubts on the stability of your ex ??
I can't offer more help than that ... but if you need something like references or anything then I will gladly supply what I can for you ... good luck and hang in there ...

[inlinefour]

I successfully defended myself and had everything dropped. However that is of no help.
I can say that eventually my ex realised how much of a cunt she was being and how it was impacting on our son.
I am a Psychiatric Nurse and consider that if I had to do what is asked of you in order to proove myself then I would have taken great pleassure in prooving that she was a complete liar. However throught the courts we prooved that. The law is an arse, no two ways of seeing that and I reaaly empathise with you and your situation.
Have they come up with a clear reason why you need the assessments? If not then its your right to challenge it, but yes it will all cost if your working. My episode cost around $6500-00, before she folded.
If you need any more advice and think I could be helpfull PM me. I am a trained health professional and consider confidentiality paramount.
Good luck to you my friend.