How do you tell your kids you can't see them anymore?

[jrandom]

Sounds like things are looking up a bit there, Simon.

Don't stop fighting, and remember, the kids won't forget you, and one day they'll be grown up, living a few suburbs away, and visiting with your grandchildren every weekend. And all of this will be just a bunch of bad memories.

[StoneChucker]

I'm happy to hear that Simon. I'm sure you must be relieved too... All in good time my friend, stay strong.

[MSTRS:Me]

Yippee a bit of good news!



no more mr nice guy...

See - things are not usually as bad as they seem. Very happy to hear that good news. Still, don't get complacent - sorry to be the bearer of bad news - people such as you describe your x seldom roll over easily. Keep up the good fight - you and your kids can only be winners.

[ManDownUnder]

Yippee a bit of good news!

According to my lawyer:

1. My ex cannot set terms for any psychotherapy;
2. She cannot be told what I discuss;
3. She cannot withhold access as it is court-directed.

As a couple of people have said, it's time to stop being so nice.

I have a legal right to access to my kids and I can, and will now, have the children picked up if I have to.

no more mr nice guy...

Awesome - glad to hear something's come of all this...

Hey as a thought - keep a diary too. Anything to do with this whole process is worth noting, picking the kids up, not having access to them, any changes or comments by the kids.

Don't make a big deal of it, and keep it complete. The facts are always useful when you least expect them to be, but it really is good to recount "what happened" when needed... as opposed to "what you THINK happened".

It's harder to argue against facts than it is against memories.

Stand strong man... this will be a long journey and I know you've got a lot of good people around you - even if only in the KB forums.

MDU

[riffer]

this will be a long journey...

grrrr. Been three years, two lawyers, $10,000, two sold cars, 18 affadavits, three suspension of access requests, three access agreements violated, 12 visits to family court, two section 19 psychological reports and I've lost count of the sleepless nights...

and I had to rebleed the clutch this morning before I could go to work.

It was really interesting riding home last night. The clutch failed at the turnoff to Haywards Hill, and there was traffic backed up from there all the way due to a crash at Moonshine Rd Bridge.

Changing down with no clutch in the rain on a 200kg 750 sport bike makes for some interesting moments. I almost thought I was Gary McCoy a few times...

[ManDownUnder]

Changing down with no clutch in the rain on a 200kg 750 sport bike makes for some interesting moments. I almost thought I was Gary McCoy a few times...

If you ever make it up to Auckland, PM me - you can take the RF for a squirt... there's some fun roads around here...

[Maximus]

As a couple of people have said, it's time to stop being so nice.

I have a legal right to access to my kids and I can, and will now, have the children picked up if I have to.

no more mr nice guy...

Dude, im really glad that you got some "hopeful" news, Its hard to imagine why some people would deprive their children of their parents, just plain stoopid, how the feck are these children spossed to grow up normally!

Looks as though you may have to get a bit inventive with just how you do get to see your kids, but don't give up!

[riffer]

If you ever make it up to Auckland, PM me - you can take the RF for a squirt... there's some fun roads around here...

Cheers MDU. I'm seriously considering an RF900 for my next bike.

As soon as I pay off the lawyer.

[MSTRS:Me]

grrrr. Been three years, two lawyers, $10,000, two sold cars, 18 affadavits, three suspension of access requests, three access agreements violated, 12 visits to family court, two section 19 psychological reports and I've lost count of the sleepless nights...

Sounds like you'd have a good chance at recouping some of that cost thru a court order. My wife was dicked around something shocking by her x & the court ordered $5000 against him to be paid straight to her. Mind you, the x did threaten to take out his lawyer right there in the courtroom.

[ManDownUnder]

Cheers MDU. I'm seriously considering an RF900 for my next bike.

As soon as I pay off the lawyer.

Just for that I'll throw in a tank of gas for you too...

Dude - when it's all said and done - you've got people out there looking out for your interests. Glad you had the moxy to let off some steam in here..

... and I'm bloody happy to here you fighting for the rights to see your kids... I just can't relate to the guys that walk away... it would rip me apart I tell ya... WTF is up with that?

On the support side, I have a brother, sister and Bro in law that are all lawyers so I have access to the occasionl bit of free advice. I don't want to abuse that priviledge but if I can get a 2nd opinion on something, ask away. I might need to say no, but you don;t know if you don't try.

Good luck chap, stand strong and keep fighting.

MDU

[scroter]

Hey all.

In the latest family court debacle, my ex has demanded:

1. that I undergo psychotherapy with a psychologist
2. that she has the right to direct how I am to be counselled
3. that the psychologist reports back to her lawyer to ensure this is successful
4. that I pay for this out of my own pocket.

and:

5. that my access is suspended until I do so.

This is not going to happen, therefore my access is suspended indefinitely.

My daughter turns seven tomorrow. She is suffering from huge loss issues based on her mother only letting her see me six times since her last birthday. I know this because her psychotherapist said so in writing.

She rings me twice a day while hiding in the backyard of her mother's section so they won't hear her on the 'phone. She says her mother won't pay her any attention and she misses me heaps. My son only talks to me when he sees me, which isn't a lot.

So, how do I tell my daughter that her mother won't let me see her any more?

let me guess she squeeled hes an angry man with a violent side. got a mate going thru the same thing for the last six months, thing is his son is only six months old. seems accusations are believed as long as you get in first.

[thehollowmen]

Best wishes mate
might wanna pick up the copy of time that was posted out today...

[ManDownUnder]

Best wishes mate
might wanna pick up the copy of time that was posted out today...

Why's that (for those of us not subscribing...)?

[Blakamin]

Nothing wrong with Gary McCoy.... at least you'd be an aussie

[Ghost Lemur]

Yippee a bit of good news!

According to my lawyer:

1. My ex cannot set terms for any psychotherapy;
2. She cannot be told what I discuss;
3. She cannot withhold access as it is court-directed.

As a couple of people have said, it's time to stop being so nice.

I have a legal right to access to my kids and I can, and will now, have the children picked up if I have to.

no more mr nice guy...

Glad you consulted your lawyer. Although our circumstances are quite different here's some advice from my experiences...

1. Make sure your lawyer is working for you. If you doubt their ability or commitment to your cause look elsewhere. Even if it's just getting a second opinion.

2. Keep track of everything. Every phone call, visit, times, etc. If necessary, take a third party when you pick up your kids, have meetings, etc. Even now, even though I finally got my custody sorted, I still refuse to be alone with my ex in the same room. It just be too easy for her to start something, or make something up, and although I'd eventually be cleared (not too bright that one), it'd still be more hassle than it's worth.

3. Have some faith in the system... This is a real hard one. That's why I used the word faith. Although you know as well as I do that the cards are stacked against you, you still have to have some belief in the system are you are extremely reliant on it at the moment. You need the system more than she does as she has possession (not to make your kids sound like objects).

4. Remember judges are generally pretty smart people. They can spot bullshit as good (if not better after years of experience) the rest of us. Your ex will put foward bs, she will try to provoke you into getting angry and making a slip up but don't. The judge will take note of the overall picture over time.

Has there been a psyche assessment? What sort of contact do you have with your kids lawyer?


I'll put in a number 5 here, although it's a bit too late unfortunately in your case, and hopefully no one else reading this will have to contemplate it.

5. KEEP THE KIDS. Unfortunately, through my experience I found this to be pretty much the sole reason I still have my sons. When my ex left she left alone, as I refused to let her take them. Except for the day she broke into my house (a neighbour was looking after them while I went for my first visit with a lawyer) and snatched them, they've been with me ever since. And so I was able to have a little more control than fathers in these situations generally are. Even then I had to keep giving in to her rediculous demands, every time concerned what emotional damage was being done to the boys. Crawling through a process that took over two years (and this was an open-and-shut case, I had everyone from my family to her family to CYPS all saying the kids should be with me etc), unable to truely get on with my life (new partner commitments etc) until it was finally sorted. The reason it ONLY took just over two years was she finally came to her senses and gave up the fight preferring for a negotiated settlement, otherwise I'd still be going through the motions.


As has been mentioned before, look at support groups in your area. I'm generally not a fan of "support groups" and all that. But I think being about to sit down and talk to other guys who are in the same circumstances could help. Whether it be for specific advice on how to deal with a particular situation or more generalized "been there brother" support.

Stay Strong.