Pros and Cons, and DOs and DON'Ts of marriage

[TOTO]

Hey all, I was in a thinking mood today and was curious to find out the pros and cons of a marriage in simple terms as well as DOs and DON'Ts, what makes it work and what doesn't etc...

I realize this is a deep can of worms, snakes, and probably dragons, so can you keep it simple if possible.

Nowhere near that stage myself and most of my friends are unmarried too so thats why I'm turning to you wise folk to educate us youngsters on "what to expect" so to speak.


Thread mood is set to "Hmmmmmm' mode so lets hear ya voice.


chur chur

[XRVrider]

Ha ha... you remind me of a good pal.

First up, learn "yes dear", you aint got to agree, just learn the fucking words.

Secondly, dont do everything for em, dont get all cunt struck, and fawn all over em. They say they love it at the time, but you aint getting any respect in the long run. On the other hand, you better do more for em than you do for yourself or you are fucked.

Thirdly, it can really be nice, a good partnership, and special friend for (hopefully) life is amazing, there's nothing like true love. I seen it in movies.

Hope that helps for when you either get a girl up the duff, or get "all cunt struck" or really meet the right chick.

Chur

[NewRob]

Hey mate, it's just a simple give and take...you give and they take, hahaha...Enjoy life as you go thru the process together learning each others ways and how/just to deal with it.

[The Stranger]

as well as DOs and DON'Ts

I can help you with that.





Don't fucken do it.

[TOTO]

Ok , some real constructive feedback here, I think we are on the right track

[XRVrider]

Alright, perhaps the image of marriage is a wee bit lacking so far. Whats your situation, you got a girlfriend? if so how long have you been together? and why you asking about marriage?

DOs : The dishes
DONTs: The dish who live 2 houses over

Shit my parents are up to nearly 50 years. Must be good if its been that long. Or you get too old to pull new birds. Anyway, either way, who is up the duff?

[muzz]

The way you start is the way they expect you to continue, so tell them:
I can cook, do dishes, vacuum, do laundry, mow the lawns, wash and service the bikes, pay a hooker or have a wank.
what do I need you for, so just remember that you are here because I want you to be.
Then the trick is to get them to do all those things so you can go for a ride:whistle:

[sosman]

Have one & find out!:2thumbsup

[CookMySock]

Imagine ten years into the future and visualise where you will be at with your personal relationship with her. Write it down carefully on a piece of paper and look at it for a while, and then close your fist around the ballpoint pen and write firmly and boldly below it all "It's not going to fucking happen."

Basically, what you think you are going to get from it is complete bullshit. It's a fucking fantasy. Your fantasy. So forget it.

Once you get this one idea out of your head, you will be fine. ;)

It helps to debunk a few other ideas you make have in your head too - like no person ever has to do anything your way, you can never make any person understand anything, to understand someone you have to throw away your preconcieved ideas. Just general crap like that.

Lol good luck.

Steve

[SixPackBack]

Married 21 years!.............Make sure she can cook and root, earn enough money to keep her plied with clothes and shoes.
I'm serious.

[Fatt Max]

Twice the fun and half the money

Mind you, they do say that marriage is the quickest way to stop your girlfriend from giving you a blowjob

Seriously though, I look at life with Mrs and Mini Max and cant imagine it without them. As long as you look past life's bullshit, dont sweat the small stuff and always have a laugh every day, it's all good. We can all take the piss about 'er indoors but that is part of the fun I suppose. Would'nt change it for the world.

Tis funny though, we have so many friends around us that have either split up or are on the verge of doing so. When you drill down into the reasons, it is usually something small that was left to fester and grow. If they had pulled their heads in, gave bollocks to any sort of pseudo pride and just got it sorted , they would still be ok. It saddens me to see people who were so good together now ripping lumps out of each other (and none of these relationships involved 'another' person), I just wish they could have sat down at the first signs of trouble and straightened it out. Appreciated that we really dont know what goes on in people's lives but sometimes I canny understand the reasons.

My $0.02 in what I am sure will be a fascinating and enlightening thread

Oh, and the worst thing about bigamy is 2 mother-in-laws....beware yous fellas

[TOTO]

Married 21 years!.............Make sure she can cook and root, earn enough money to keep her plied with clothes and shoes.
I'm serious.

that does make perfect sense.

[The Stranger]

Ok , some real constructive feedback here, I think we are on the right track

Tell you what, answer me this, why would/should you get married?


Imagine ten years into the future and visualise where you will be at with your personal relationship with her. Write it down carefully on a piece of paper and look at it for a while, and then close your fist around the ballpoint pen and write firmly and boldly below it all "It's not going to fucking happen."

Basically, what you think you are going to get from it is complete bullshit. It's a fucking fantasy. Your fantasy. So forget it.

Once you get this one idea out of your head, you will be fine. ;)

It helps to debunk a few other ideas you make have in your head too - like no person ever has to do anything your way, you can never make any person understand anything, to understand someone you have to throw away your preconcieved ideas. Just general crap like that.

Lol good luck.

Steve

Well Steve, you do have rare moments of crystal lucidity, and that's one of them.

[geoffm]

"If it flies, floats or fucks, it is cheaper to rent than buy" :done:

[klingon]

My single piece of advice:

Make sure you can stand up on your own before you decide to lean on someone else.

Never marry someone (or enter a relationship) because you think you need them or they need you. You will end up finding your own independence and not needing them any more.

Only get married when you are perfectly capable of standing on your own two feet (and so is she) but you want to be together. Then stand side by side, as strong, independent adults, and continue to be together because you want to be together, and because you love each other. :love:

[98tls]

Before considering marriage take a long look at the future mother in law,if ya dont like what you see then forget it,chances are:shutup::shifty:

[SixPackBack]

My single piece of advice:

Make sure you can stand up on your own before you decide to lean on someone else.

Never marry someone (or enter a relationship) because you think you need them or they need you. You will end up finding your own independence and not needing them any more.

Only get married when you are perfectly capable of standing on your own two feet (and so is she) but you want to be together. Then stand side by side, as strong, independent adults, and continue to be together because you want to be together, and because you love each other. :love:

$10 sez you're not married....not hatin', just saying:sunny:

[MSTRS]

A marriage is a partnership. It operates on mutual trust and respect, not necessarily on common goals (although there must be some). Within that partnership is 'him', 'her, and 'them'. By that, I mean that you must retain your individuality, but as a couple you add up to much more than two people together. A marriage is also hard work, and both must put in the work, esp in the early years. If you want kids, then wait until you are both settled...kids need the stability of two loving parents under the same roof.
Oh...and wedding cake is the female form of bromide.

[allycatz]

Make sure well in advance if they are looking for a partner and not just another mother....never believe they are only at massage parlours for just a 'massage'....the crabs did NOT come off the public toilet seat while driving through Taihape....the new shirt and $ 1000 suit has NOT been in your wardrobe for over a year....if you want your socks and shirts in colour coded order then put them away yourself....salad is not 'rabbit food'.....you will NOT lower your social standing if you eat sausages for dinner...babysitting your kids does not mean getting your mother round and sneaking off to the pub anyway...the two asian barbies in your hotel room in Thailand were NOT the cleaners!

[CookMySock]

never believe they are only at massage parlours for just a 'massage'....the crabs did NOT come off the public toilet seat while driving through Taihape....the new shirt and $ 1000 suit has NOT been in your wardrobe for over a year....if you want your socks and shirts in colour coded order then put them away yourself....salad is not 'rabbit food'.....you will NOT lower your social standing if you eat sausages for dinner...babysitting your kids does not mean getting your mother round and sneaking off to the pub anyway...the two asian barbies in your hotel room in Thailand were NOT the cleaners!Oh stop being a wet blanket and join in the fun. :innocent:

Steve

[klingon]

$10 sez you're not married....not hatin', just saying:sunny:

LOL technically you are correct. But I am in a long-term committed relationship "in the nature of a marriage."

I was married for ten years to a man who I still like and respect, and who likes and respects me. We worked very hard to try to 'save' our marriage, because we knew we were both good, smart people and if anyone could make a relationship work, surely we could do it!

In the end it didn't work out, because during the course of the relationship our values and priorities had diverged and we no longer had enough common ground that we wanted to still be together. Breaking up was very difficult, but I believe we handled it well.

I don't see this as a 'failed' marriage. On the contrary, we both gained a lot from the ten years we were together and we have no regrets.

So you are right, SPB, and I won't be taking your $10! But I do believe I am qualified to comment on this subject. :done:

[Sidewinder]

the only ring i will wear is the bitchs ring peice!

[FROSTY]

Best advice I got from my dad (married 40 years) was "sometimes son being married is just hard work"
I agree tiotally.

[allycatz]

Oh stop being a wet blanket and join in the fun. :innocent:

Steve

I 'participated' for 18 years of marriage.......lol!

[MisterD]

Best advice I got from my dad (married 40 years) was "sometimes son being married is just hard work"
I agree tiotally.

So do I, but then nothing that's worthwhile comes easily...my Grandparents' advice to me (and they acheived somewhere in the high 60's of years until death did them part) was to never go to sleep angry with each other.


So far, so good at 9 years for us.

[Flatcap]

...never go to sleep angry with each other.


So far, so good at 9 years for us.

Does it count when she's angry with you , but you're quite happy with the world?

[allycatz]

Does it count when she's angry with you , but you're quite happy with the world?

Thats 'selective hearing'...very good skill to acquire before walking down the aisle

[Beemer]

Don't even think of getting married if you have ANY doubts. So many times people have doubts before they tie the knot but go ahead anyway and a few years down the line it turns to custard and they split.

I think the best advice is to ensure the person you are marrying is also your best friend, someone who will be there for you in good times and bad.

I married for the first (and hopefully only!) time in my 40s and although I wish I'd met him earlier, I am glad I didn't settle for second best and marry the guy I was engaged to in my 20s. I think I was just flattered that anyone would want to marry me and luckily I woke up a month or so later and thought "what the HELL am I doing?" and ended the engagement.

I had to fill out a survey yesterday and put how much time you spent face to face with your partner in the last week. I couldn't work it out exactly, but it was in excess of 60 hours. That's a long time to spend with someone if you aren't sure you want to be with them, so I'm glad I can honestly say I enjoyed those hours spent with my husband.

We're both into cars and bikes, but we don't spend EVERY moment together. He's into trail and off-road riding so he will often go off with his mates to do that while I stay home or do something else. But most of the time we do things together and we really enjoy that.

Oh, and we don't have kids - so maybe that's one stresser we don't have to deal with!

[oldrider]

Before you get married you should meet and get to know "all" of the people involved in the relationship!

There are more of them than the average person realises!

For a start, there is you, the person you think you are!

Then there is the person you really are!

Then there is the person you really want to be!

Then there will be a host of personalities that you're not even yet aware of!

The list goes on and on and that's only getting to understand "you"!

Wait until you start to get to know her and vice versa!

Even if you think you get it right first time, you are still gonna be in for a few "big" surprises, shocks even!

But hey, if you are prepared to be tolerant, understanding, accepting and above all patient, you can work it all out OK!

At the end of the day you will look back and realise that it really has been a hell of a lot of fun and you have invested a lifetime in the relationship!

When you finally look around you the spin-off's and accumulated assets (usually family) are amazing and it all starts with "I do" and standing by your word!

The risks are high but get it right, the rewards are supreme!

Good luck but nobody ever said it would be easy! :shifty:

[slofox]

Remember this piece of advice....

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

A: Marry it...

[Ixion]

was to never go to sleep angry with each other.



Fuck! No wonder the country has such a problem with fatigued driving. All these people on the roads who haven't slept for days , weeks even. And angry with it!

[scumdog]

Ok , some real constructive feedback here, I think we are on the right track

Well here's more:

It's a wise man who knows who wears the pants in the family.

And lets her wear them anytime she wants.

[Fatt Max]

My missus asked her mother the night before our big day as to what to expect on the day of the wedding.

Her mum said "it's easy darling, you will walk up the isle, stand next to the groom at the alter and we will all sing hymn"

So, on the big day, as she was walking along to the wedding march, she kept repeating key words of this advice lest she forgot....and all anyone heard as she passed them in the pews was;

"Isle......alter....hymn"....

Didnt work though, I'm still a fat bastard who loves loud music, drinks far too much piss and farts a lot. I even have a bike now, eh......

[Forest]

Marriage?

No thanks.

[Tony.OK]

Do's and don'ts.......mmmmmmm???

DO everything your told to do

DON'T even think about thinking for yourself

= Happy Marriage:blink:

[Headbanger]

You fuck a cunt, You don't marry one.

Been married for 11 years, Best thing I ever did.Hooked up with an awesome lady.

[Skyryder]

Well here's more:

It's a wise man who knows who wears the pants in the family.

And lets her wear them anytime she wants.


Jeez SD so true. It's knowing when to take them off, :love:

Skyryder

[Latch]

It happens my very settled, very happy, very supportive, very successful 5 year relationship has just come to an end... We were very successful at being a domestic couple, but I don't think we were really meeting one another's needs at all (except for the domestic bit, obviously). We were comfortable, but basically unhappy; tha's not good. When we started breaking up, I did a check of the Big Three, and to my astonishment, realized we'd scored none for three; despite the happiness and settled situation, etc. The theory goes that for any relationship to be successful, the partners must agree on the following: money, sex, & babies. I reckon if you actually feel the same way about those things (that is feel the same way, not agree to disagree) then it'll be sweet. Let us know how it's going in five years!

[SixPackBack]

LOL technically you are correct. But I am in a long-term committed relationship "in the nature of a marriage."

I was married for ten years to a man who I still like and respect, and who likes and respects me. We worked very hard to try to 'save' our marriage, because we knew we were both good, smart people and if anyone could make a relationship work, surely we could do it!

In the end it didn't work out, because during the course of the relationship our values and priorities had diverged and we no longer had enough common ground that we wanted to still be together. Breaking up was very difficult, but I believe we handled it well.

I don't see this as a 'failed' marriage. On the contrary, we both gained a lot from the ten years we were together and we have no regrets.

So you are right, SPB, and I won't be taking your $10! But I do believe I am qualified to comment on this subject. :done:
Very well qualified I would say. Both you and your ex husband share a high level of emotional intelligence that many spilt relationships could learn from.

[Street Gerbil]

Pretty simple, really. Ask yourself the following: are you confident that you will have each other's back for the rest of your lives? Are you ready to take her side in every conflict including that with relatives and friends? Is she ready to take your side in every conflict? If you have doubts about any of the above, run like hell.
Married for 10 years and counting.

[Headbanger]

All this sharing your hopes and dreams stuff is a hard case, But it means nothing, People grow as they age and people can grow in different directions, no matter if at some stage you were on the same page.

To keep it simple, You need to be able to put up with her shit, and she needs to be able to put up with yours.

If either of you cant or the shit gets to much to bear then its time to move on.

Of course...My hopes and dreams pretty much consist of a cold beer and some titties to play with.......

[mstriumph]

Best advice I got from my dad (married 40 years) was "sometimes son being married is just hard work"
I agree tiotally.

'sfunny - my grandfather warned me that marriage was an institution and, if i felt ready to GO into an institution i should, by all means, get married

- he was joking ... i think :confused:

my own piece of advice is don't pick someone you can live with --- pick someone you can't live without. :sunny:

[davebullet]

Don't let her walk over you - she'll lose respect for you. Stand up for what you need / want. Keep your identity.

Don't do nothing - surprise her every now and then (not all the time - relates to respect above plus constant surprises are, well... no longer surprising)

If she has to ask you to do something - then you've already missed the boat. If a woman needs to ask you - you are not in tune with her needs. Be more aware of the little things and do them. Like - new roll of toilet paper, empty the rubbish, tidy the phone table when it is piled with assorted paper etc...

Watch for periods. they make the usual emotional rollercoaster even more fun!

PS: I have been through one marriage "washing cycle" = epic fail, so am not qualified to comment.

[DMNTD]

If you can't love the "worst" of your partner then ffs, don't do it.

[Highlander]

One life one wife.

It does not take 100% commitment to see it through.
It takes 100% commitment from EACH OF YOU.


Someone earlier said don't go to bed angry. To expand on that, never let the sun go down on an argument. You need to talk, not rant or lecture but plain, honest open talk to each other.

That said, we celebrated our 20 year anniversary earlier this year and I can't imagine it any other way now.


If you can't love the "worst" of your partner then ffs, don't do it.

Warts and all.


Afterthought: It is ok (healthy even) to have some activites you do individually, you don't have to do everything together, you are after all 2 individuals that have chosen a life together.

[Sheba]

My single piece of advice:

Make sure you can stand up on your own before you decide to lean on someone else.

Never marry someone (or enter a relationship) because you think you need them or they need you. You will end up finding your own independence and not needing them any more.

Only get married when you are perfectly capable of standing on your own two feet (and so is she) but you want to be together. Then stand side by side, as strong, independent adults, and continue to be together because you want to be together, and because you love each other. :love:

Very wise words. Therefore, don't get married til you're like 40 or something.

[Sheba]

I married for the first (and hopefully only!) time in my 40s and although I wish I'd met him earlier, I am glad I didn't settle for second best and marry the guy I was engaged to in my 20s. I think I was just flattered that anyone would want to marry me and luckily I woke up a month or so later and thought "what the HELL am I doing?" and ended the engagement.


See, wait until you're 40.

[Oakie]

First up, learn "yes dear", you aint got to agree, just learn the fucking words.


Ha ha. That was the first thing I thought off too. It was also the advice I gave my son in law when he married my daughter ... along with a list of 'what women really mean' when they say certain things (like "sure, go ahead" really means "don't you f*cking dare!".

[Cheshire Cat]

I can help you with that.





Don't fucken do it.

Don't be so negative:sunny:

[YellowDog]

Don't be so negative:sunny:
Marriage is an easy one to address:

Find the right person for you at the right time of your life.

It is different for everyone.

The first challenge is working out where YOU are at before looking for someone to share it with.

As has already been rightly said, make sure you can stand on your own two feet before looking for someone to lean on.

Good luck.

[The Stranger]

Don't be so negative:sunny:

I thought it was pretty positive actually.

[Cheshire Cat]

I thought it was pretty positive actually.

Funny guy eh?:mellow:

[froggyfrenchman]

I just worked on the theory that you should find a great woman that also rides, that way she understands my obsession with spending all avaliable coin and time on building, riding and racing bikes.

It is important to make sure she is too short to ride any of your bikes though, those tires are expensive!

You may think i jest, but 10 years together and 3-4 of them married (whos counting) says this is the way to go.

[Skyryder]

Next to woman, if you excuse the comparison, marriage is the biggest mystery of all.

If you ever get to figure it out one thing is certain: you will regret it.

Been married thirty five years next Feb 2010. It's been been like running the river. Smooth pools with rapids fast approaching, jagged rocks with steep cliffs and gorges with nowhere to go. Exhilerating at times, mundane at others but never ever boring.

I once attended a wedding many years back and after the bride and groom had gone there were a few close family and friends at the end. The subject came up on what makes a successful marriage??

The once answer that I have never forgotten was from an eldely gentlman and his wife, problay long since dead.

"There are only two kinds of marriages and both are like railway crossings. There's the modern new fangled marriage that when the bells start ringing the lights start flashing.............THE BARRIERS COME DOWN.

Then there is the railway crossing with just a single sign. STOP LOOK and LISTEN. Words I've never forgotton and will the the theme for my youngest daughters wedding.

Skyryder

[mossy1200]

Im all spasticated now.

[Bren]

My personal opinion....

A "sane" man will only do it once....

If it works thats all good...

...and if it dont then he aint ever going down that road again!

[Timber020]

Men go into marriage thinking the woman will never change but she does

Women go into marriage thinking the man is going to change but he doesnt.

There are no rules, marriage is contextual.

[EJK]

I don't know how lonely I will be if I live alone :sunny:

[Beemer]

I just worked on the theory that you should find a great woman that also rides, that way she understands my obsession with spending all avaliable coin and time on building, riding and racing bikes.

It is important to make sure she is too short to ride any of your bikes though, those tires are expensive!

You may think i jest, but 10 years together and 3-4 of them married (whos counting) says this is the way to go.

My husband and I may have the perfect marriage then! We met at a motorcycle rally so he knew I was into bikes. We went to the Big Boys Toys show and I bought a new bike. We had our wedding photos taken with my bike. I bought a new bike on our honeymoon - which had to be cut short as I had tickets to see the Crusty Demons!

I encouraged him to buy a new bike - and he bought two instead! (Both second hand but late model.) Then when we were loaned a Corvette to take to Americarna and loved it so much, I talked him into adding it to our mortgage. We're booked to do Americarna and the Beach Hop next year, so I'd say we're both into the same things!

I can only ride one of his bikes though - I'm only 5'1" so most are way too tall for me!

[vifferman]

I've been with the vifferbabe nearly 33 years now (married for 27), and it's great! She's my best friend, I enjoy her company (most of the time), and I miss her when we're apart. Sure, it's not all plain sailing, there are ups'n'downs, but the good outweighs the bad.
Important things are that you're both prepared to make some compromises, rather than trying to change the things in the other that bug you. If both of you are more about giving than taking, it works, otherwise it will turn into a battle.

Accepting that it's OK to be different and you don't have to agree on everything helps, although you also need some common ground. While we like the same food, have the same colour sense, like doing many of the same things, there are some things that differ. We mostly listen to the same music, but I listen to heavy metal when I'm on my own, and I've never liked pop music like Abba. The vifferbabe's not really that into bikes, but a few years ago she decided to get more involved with my hobby, and started riding with me. Similarly, although being a male I hate shopping the way women like to do it, I will accompany her on some expeditions, to offer advice on clothes etc., but I'm honest if I really don't feel like going, and she's OK with it.

What's very important: Honesty, trust, communication, being prepared to compromise on the minor issues, being prepared to admit when you're wrong (or even being prepared to let go, and say sorry, even if you know you're in the right, just to get past a disagreement), having some interests in common, both of you understanding that men and women ARE fundamentally different in some ways, and building a loving relationship based on these things are what it takes. If either of you are fundamentally selfish, or have major issues of any kind, or even one major belief/value that you can't agree on or aren't prepared to change, then you'll find it very hard going. Marriage should make both partners grow and develop. If either of you can't compromise or let go of things, you're going to struggle.

Most important: keep the fun alive, and find new things to do to keep things fun.

[Big Dave]

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[coffeejunkie]

My view is marriage is over rated....Balzybuell& i have been togeather for 18 years on the 17th of this month....we have a child & live as a married couple but what makes us work is the fact that after all these years we are NOT married

[MSTRS]

My view is marriage is over rated....Balzybuell& i have been togeather for 18 years on the 17th of this month....we have a child & live as a married couple but what makes us work is the fact that after all these years we are NOT married

And that helps define what that nebulous term 'marriage' is...
It's primarily a state of mind. Two people commit themselves wholeheartedly to sharing their life with the other. Sometimes, the legal state of marriage (the bit of paper) can represent a shackle. And for some people, that can feel oppressive, like they have somehow signed away their freedoms. Poor them, because it's all in their head, and they miss the point of commitment, on paper or otherwise.

[vifferman]

My view is marriage is over rated..
We lived together for a few years before getting married, and I was quite surprised that it made any difference getting married - it definitely felt different, even if it made no real practical difference from a legal perspective. (Plus it mean my wife no longer had to spell her name to everyone who asked what her name was...)

The thing was I guess to some small extent I wasn't totally committed before we were married. When she suggested getting married, I realised that some part of me was subconciously waiting for some "perfect" partner, and when I thought about that, I couldn't bear the idea of a future without her in it, so I totally let go of any thoughts of her not being "the one", and we made plans to get married. One of the best things I've ever done, and it more than makes up for a multitude of dumb decisions.

[Skyryder]

My view is marriage is over rated....Balzybuell& i have been togeather for 18 years on the 17th of this month....we have a child & live as a married couple but what makes us work is the fact that after all these years we are NOT married


All good stuff and what works...........works........and that is the important bit.............no matter what.


But as a parent with two girls, my son in law did me, my wife, and daughter, proud when he stood up in front of us, his family and friends and said "I shall have no other." As a parent that bit was important.


Skyryder

[Beemer]

We lived together for a few years before getting married, and I was quite surprised that it made any difference getting married - it definitely felt different, even if it made no real practical difference from a legal perspective. (Plus it mean my wife no longer had to spell her name to everyone who asked what her name was...)

Same here! We had lived together for five years by the time we got married and we certainly didn't expect to feel any different but we did. It is really hard to explain but we just felt more 'together' if that makes sense.

As for not having to spell my name any more, wish that was true for me! I had hoped to get rid of my Welsh maiden name that didn't sound anything like it was spelled and vice versa, but there are a few names that don't go with Faye and the guy I married just happened to have one of them! As a journalist by trade, going through life being called 'faking' wasn't going to make it!

[vifferman]

Money.
Sort out finances before you get hitched.

We've had a joint bank account since before we got married. There's no problem with that, but we do have different values about money. My wife is very security conscious, and money has always been a big issue for her, whereas it's no biggie for me. I don't give a rat's what she spends money on, or how much, but the same is not true for her. So, nearly every single argument we've ever had has been about money or finances. This could have been avoided if we each had an account of our own to use for personal discretionary expenditure.

[Bass]

My personal opinion....

A "sane" man will only do it once....

If it works thats all good...

...and if it dont then he aint ever going down that road again!

Well, I'm on the second time around and it's just magic - no comparison at all with the first one. I honestly didn't know it could be this way and yes I am well aware of just how lucky I am.

There is however an old adage that my personal experience says is very true.
It goes: -

A woman marries a man thinking that he will change and he doesn't.
A man marries a woman thinking that she won't change and she does.

[jim.cox]

As far as I can tell, marraige has no advantage to a gentlemen, and many many disadvantages...

Just dont do it

[Swoop]

The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. lan Patrick Herbert

A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.
Andre Maurois (1885 - 1967)

I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more. Candice Bergen (1946 - )

All marriages are mixed marriages. Chantal Saperstein.

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
Clint Eastwood (1930 - )

A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Dave Meurer, "Daze of Our Wives"

Marriage. It's like a cultural hand-rail. It links folks to the past and guides them to the future.
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Our Wedding, 1992

I wonder, among all the tangles of this mortal coil, which one contains tighter knots to undo, and consequently suggests more tugging, and pain, and diversified elements of misery, than the marriage tie.
Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937)

Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife.
Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)

Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain.
Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC), Alcestis, 438 B.C.

One man's folly is another man's wife. Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950)

Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.
J. R. R. Tolkien (1892 - 1973), Letter to Michael Tolkien, March 1941

I pay very little regard...to what any young person says on the subject of marriage. If they profess a disinclination for it, I only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person. Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Mansfield Park

My marriage had its ups and downs like anyone's, but when it came down to it, I knew it was solid. I miss that sort of security, and that sort of connection with someone. John Scalzi, Old Man's War, 2005

Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony, not a piece of paper from the state. Kathleen Norris

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. Mae West (1892 - 1980)

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney (1920 - )

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin

My toughest fight was with my first wife. Muhammad Ali (1942 - )

We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. Nick Faldo

If you would marry suitably, marry your equal. Ovid (43 BC - 17 AD)

That is what marriage really means: helping one another to reach the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not run away from life. Paul Tournier

A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love. Pearl Buck (1892 - 1973)

You get married at twenty, you're going to be shocked who you're living with at thirty. Peter Blake, House M.D., Fools For Love, 2006

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner.

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' Rita Rudner

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC)

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. Voltaire (1694 - 1778)

American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers. W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely. William Penn (1644 - 1718)

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen (1935 - )

I know nothing about sex because I was always married. Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919 - ).

[ManDownUnder]

Don't wait till you have enough reasons to get married...wait until there are no reasons to not get married.

... and don't bullshit yourself about it. There's the happiness of 2 lives at stake, as well as the security of any other lives you happen to create.