Ante-natal classes

[nudemetalz]

Started our baby classes last week. Went in with an unsure attitude but actually finding it quite a laugh and informative.

One thing we learnt last night was that the fellah can basically catch the bubs as it's squeezed out of Mum. What the mid-wife tutor also said though...and this was the scary part....is that with all of the pushing going on, Mum's bowels can let loose.
Soooo.....I'm going to receive a 7lb baby kid and a 5lb baby turd !!!! :gob:
Niiiice.....

[ready4whatever]

Man you just scared me right out of the delivery room. One kiwi biker once said.. preserve the pussy cut the gut

[Maha]

Is there such a thing as 'Pro Natal Classes'?

[mashman]

Is there such a thing as 'Pro Natal Classes'?

they call it parenthood i believe :innocent:

Had to wait til the birth of my 4th to see the missus pooing herself... still, i got my stored up mileage out of it :woohoo:

[Maha]

they call it parenthood i believe :innocent:

Had to wait til the birth of my 4th to see the missus pooing herself... still, i got my stored up mileage out of it :woohoo:

Ah right, see I thought that 'Ante Natal Classes' was a Night School thing where you go and protest against a South African Provence.

[nudemetalz]

Feel free to come along to the classes if you're like Alan from "Two and a Half Men" and like the preggy chicks !!!

[mashman]

Ah right, see I thought that 'Ante Natal Classes' was a Night School thing where you go and protest against a South African Provence.

In acronym only!!! but apparantly you can by baby parts there!!!

And not just a horny Charlie...

[jim.cox]

Soooo.....I'm going to receive a 7lb baby kid and a 5lb baby turd !!!!

HTFU and get used to it

That baby's going to deliver you a whole more than just one turd...

[XxKiTtiExX]

Soooo.....I'm going to receive a 7lb baby kid and a 5lb baby turd !!!! :gob:
Niiiice.....


Maybe not!! Did they also explain that for a few days prior/up to going in labour that some women have to poo constantly? Its the bodies way of preparing for labour (crapping until there is nothing left).

Out of everyone my son was the one who passed a turd before he'd even come out (he was stressed from the labour being to fast). So I can already claim he's officially a little shit head.
:yes:

How much longer to go now? Goodluck with the antenatal classes (I avoided them both times).

Can't wait to see pics of the bub when he/she arrives :sunny:

[Brian d marge]

Drugs

The missus has had two kids , the first she was all natural and touchy feely ...the second

Drugs ...lots of em

oh and dont worry if you dont love the little shitting machine for a few months they do grow on you

My littlest had his first hangover the other morning,,,Daddy was so proud

the little shyt was unknown to us , drinking people wine from the table ,,, he had three glasses before someone noticed !

Stephen

[vifferman]

What the mid-wife tutor also said though...and this was the scary part....is that with all of the pushing going on, Mum's bowels can let loose.
Harden up, and all that. :Pokey: and all that...
It's a huge experience - the most scary, exciting, emotional, thrilling, boring (two of ours were over 24 hours long) time. Just be thankful you don't have to be the one giving birth!
Be grateful too that you're allowed to be part of this experience; in the 'old days' men were excluded, and 'they' are currently looking at returning to that way of doing things.

The thing that really got me with the first was that they have all these fancy machines and technology to help, but in the end it's still very primitive, messy and basic. Our first one they used the Ventouse cap - kinda freaky seeing this stainless steel thing with a big chain and handle - looked like summat out of Marquis de Sade's chambers. Second was forceps - they're not much better. :eek5:

[nudemetalz]

HTFU and get used to it

That baby's going to deliver you a whole more than just one turd...

ha ha,...when I say baby turd, I mean from Mummy....but you're right, I will need to HTFU.

And yes (clean) pics when bubs comes is born, the future Guzzi rider it will be :)

[Icemaestro]

Haha yeah the turd bit grossed me out too but it all depends on how long the labour is - ie if they've got a bit of time before the baby comes out then they can go to the toilet, and you're all good :-)
Congrats anyway:-)

[Trudes]

My mum said when she had me it felt like she was having a big shit, and I've been a little shit ever since.

[2wheeldrifter]

...and this was the scary part....is that with all of the pushing going on, Mum's bowels can let loose.
Soooo.....I'm going to receive a 7lb baby kid and a 5lb baby turd !!!! :gob:
Niiiice.....

For god's sake don't get them mixed up! :yes:

[Insanity_rules]

Ah right, see I thought that 'Ante Natal Classes' was a Night School thing where you go and protest against a South African Provence.

No that would be "anti"-natal classes :laugh:

Ante
The Latin word Ante, meaning "before" Funny how one letter can change the entire meaning of that sentence.

Hang on why am I being pedantic? Thats Hitchers job!


this was the scary part....is that with all of the pushing going on, Mum's bowels can let loose.
Soooo.....I'm going to receive a 7lb baby kid and a 5lb baby turd !!!! :gob:
Niiiice.....

Doesn't always happen but be prepared!

[pete376403]

back in the day (30something years ago) when our kids were born, I recall my wife had to have an enema some time prior to giving birth. Obviously didn't want to get lord god doctors hands dirty. Back then it was all about the medical profession, the parents were a long way down the totem.
first child of ours, I wasn't even allowed in the delivery room, had to wait outside. Now they encourage the whole damn family to attend

[EgliHonda]

Went thru this 3 months ago, so understand the feelings. Like you was really looking forward to classes (not) but all the blokes were in the same boat so wasn't too bad, actually having a barbie on Sat to catch up. Unfortunately none of the mums-to-be was a real hottie, although I was not seeing them at their best to be fair... :whistle:

Birth itself was ok surprisingly, managed to stay at the head end so avoided most of the gore. Just be prepared to stand there useless and bewildered by the whole event (and to get the odd withering stare by the one trying to push a baby out). Only thing I could do was go and get glasses of shaved ice for Mum to sip, had about 20 of the bloody things at one stage... :blink:

All worth it though, and you do get to buy bike related clothing, which is fun...

[nudemetalz]

Cheers for the advice, Egli :)

[Kiwi Graham]

Just under 5 yrs ago did the classes, still intouch with 4 of the other parentsa and have monthly ish get togethers and compare kids.
Unfortunatly ours didnt go stictly to plan, the Mrs had to have a caesarean section and had real difficulty breast feeding and gave up. Still all just a memory now and have two great kids (different birthdays, both 'C' sections).

Given the choice I'd rather witness the Mrs shiting herslf then see her flayed open like a fillet of beef....not a nice site belive me.

[XxKiTtiExX]

All worth it though, and you do get to buy bike related clothing, which is fun...

Woah what a head full of hair!! Gorgeous!!

[nothingflash]

Our ante natal class was full of frickin weirdo's - ok there might have been a couple of nice ones. One guy turned up wasted out of his tree most nights and sat there staring at the floor, one mother used to whip out for a cigarette at "tea time" and one couple couldn't speak English (ok that doesn't make them weirdo's).

There was this real young maori couple - honestly they looked like they lived under a bridge. On the second night completely out of the blue she asked if you have your nipples pierced can you still breast feed. "Yes, you can" said the "teacher" and then the guy says "are you sure miss...it won't come out like a garden sprinkler will it and make the baby choke". That must have been all they wanted to know because they never came back.

[YellowDog]

Started our baby classes last week. Went in with an unsure attitude but actually finding it quite a laugh and informative.

One thing we learnt last night was that the fellah can basically catch the bubs as it's squeezed out of Mum. What the mid-wife tutor also said though...and this was the scary part....is that with all of the pushing going on, Mum's bowels can let loose.
Soooo.....I'm going to receive a 7lb baby kid and a 5lb baby turd !!!! :gob:
Niiiice.....
Mate, if you aint there to hold the leg apart and catch the baby, it will fall on the floor.

It is a hands on experience.

A couple of Whiskeys before hand will be a good idea.

I have only one thing to say about Anti-Natal classes:

TOO MUCH INFORMATION

Make sure you take your Ipod.

[red mermaid]

You get to have an enema first!
That will be fun! :woohoo:

[peasea]

Ah right, see I thought that 'Ante Natal Classes' was a Night School thing where you go and protest against a South African Provence.

That's brilliant, will bling you when the mods grow a fucking brain.

[peasea]

You get to have an enema first!
That will be fun! :woohoo:

Isn't that some sort of 'other' people mover?

Oh no, hang on, that an Emina, my bad.

[Mom]

It has been many years since I attended ante natal classes, my baby turned 18 last weekend. Funniest experience in 3 lots of classes was the lesson, when I was having my son, on pushing and what to expect. After much talking about the whys and wherefores of the process we were asked to "practice"

Bloody hell, you should never make a heavily pregnant woman laugh till tears come I tells you. This couple in the room, him the local vet mind you, we all knew him, very seriously taking part and he "practice pushes" out the largest fart I have ever heard!

OMG! :gob: There was complete silence for a second or two, then slowly the sniggers started, then the choking sounds of people attempting to stop sniggering, followed by the first laugh, and after that it was all downhill. The entire class errupted into laughter. Poor bastard, I doubt he will ever forget that fart either :D

[Laava]

Poor bastard, I doubt he will ever forget that fart either :D

What did he call it?

[Mom]

What did he call it?

I dont remember exactly but I think it was ...

BOB!

[EgliHonda]

Woah what a head full of hair!! Gorgeous!!

Cheers, she was a bit crabby in that pic :crybaby: much better one in earmuffs thread where she is a bit older, and the T fits better...

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?p=1129509850#post1129509850

Looks a bit happier here, and the hair just keeps comin'... :Punk:

[XxKiTtiExX]

Cheers, she was a bit crabby in that pic :crybaby: much better one in earmuffs thread where she is a bit older, and the T fits better...

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?p=1129509850#post1129509850

Looks a bit happier here, and the hair just keeps comin'... :Punk:


She's so gorgeous!

My son was born with a head of hair but nothing quite like that. He's got just enough to make a mohawk though lol

[nudemetalz]

This is a great thread.
Actually, I think this is more informative than the classes, then again if it's on KB it must be true ;)

Cheers for the replies, peoples.

[EgliHonda]

This is a great thread.
Actually, I think this is more informative than the classes, then again if it's on KB it must be true ;)

There were no bikers in my group, so immediately didn't trust them. :shifty:

Told the missus I had enough friends so couldn't be arsed going to 'catch-up' meetings and the like, and besides, the only thing we had in common was knocking up our sheilas around the same time. Funnily enough she sees things differently, hence the upcoming bbq. Maybe they will prove a better bunch over a few beers on Sat arvo...

[Big Dog]

Started our baby classes last week. Went in with an unsure attitude but actually finding it quite a laugh and informative.

One thing we learnt last night was that the fellah can basically catch the bubs as it's squeezed out of Mum. What the mid-wife tutor also said though...and this was the scary part....is that with all of the pushing going on, Mum's bowels can let loose.
Soooo.....I'm going to receive a 7lb baby kid and a 5lb baby turd !!!! :gob:
Niiiice.....

And this was news to you?

Might i suggest as time draws near a high fibre diet... unless you wish to burn the clothes you are wearing and the bed she was on.

Fortunately the mother of my children recieved that nugget befor aforementioned nugget dispersal.

[ckai]

We start ours next week I think. The wife and I have a mutual understanding, I don't go near the business end. She suggested it, I quickly accepted it.

We also got the low-down on the classes from a friend who's a mid-wife. She knows the chick taking ours and said we can take the piss all we want because she's gonna dish it out. Should be interesting.

Don't really know what to expect but I'm keeping an open mind...and hand on car keys :D