A couple of highly distasteful jokes - DON'T read if you're the sensitive type...

[Skinon]

Where do you send Jewish kids with adhd?

Concentration camp. :shit:

Whats the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

A prossie can wash her crack and sell it again.

How do you get a fat chick into bed?

Piece of cake!!

And some gross baby jokes.... again if you cant see the funny side dont read it!

Whats black and blue and doesnt like sex?

The baby in my closet...

Whats the best thing about fucking 23 year olds?

Theres 20 of them!

Hahah bad bad taste but fucken funny for the right type of mind...
dunno if thats a good thing :devil2:

[Maha]

Human Nature to read something that says 'DONT READ'....
And no, they are not funny, you cant even class them as jokes!
What 'type of mind' would joke about the Holocaust and having sex with 3 year olds?

[SMOKEU]

Good effort mate.:third:

[onearmedbandit]

Human Nature to read something that says 'DONT READ'....


If that's your case then read but don't comment. Obviously the 'jokes' weren't intended for you.

[Bikernereid]

Piss funny mate!!!!!!! Especially the 23 year old and the Jewish one.

[Maha]

If that's your case then read but don't comment. Obviously the 'jokes' weren't intended for you.

What I find humorous is, people who quote only part of a post...making it 'out of context'.

Can you answer this? What 'type of mind' would joke about the Holocaust and having sex with 3 year olds?

[Crasherfromwayback]

What I find humorous is, people who quote only part of a post...making it 'out of context'.

Can you answer this? What 'type of mind' would joke about the Holocaust and having sex with 3 year olds?

Someone who is warped and can realize that they're just jokes, bad taste or not.

[Maha]

Thank you crasher, all cleared up now, unbeleiviable but all clear :oi-grr:

[onearmedbandit]

What I find humorous is, people who quote only part of a post...making it 'out of context'.

Can you answer this? What 'type of mind' would joke about the Holocaust and having sex with 3 year olds?

How was it out of context? Maybe you don't agree with the content, that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way. But to answer your question it is human nature to make jokes out of tragic topics, it's a way of being able to cope. How do you feel about paramedics awarding style points to car crash victims who have been ejected from cars? Do you watch TV programs or movies with violence in them? That no doubt offends a lot of people as well. But instead of watching and complaining they simply don't watch.

Are you the type of person who see's a *Warning - Live wires - Do Not Touch* sign and touches them anyway?

[Maha]

How was it out of context? Maybe you don't agree with the content, that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way. But to answer your question it is human nature to make jokes out of tragic topics, it's a way of being able to cope. How do you feel about paramedics awarding style points to car crash victims who have been ejected from cars? Do you watch TV programs or movies with violence in them? That no doubt offends a lot of people as well. But instead of watching and complaining they simply don't watch.

Are you the type of person who see's a *Warning - Live wires - Do Not Touch* sign and touches them anyway?

Not at all, im the type of person that can get a reation out of anyone at will!
Its to fucken easy at times.

[Murray]

Not at all, im the type of person that can get a reation out of anyone at will!
Its to fucken easy at times.

Blingity Bling

[mashman]

What's pink and turns red at the flick of a switch?

A baby in a liquidiser...

[onearmedbandit]

Not at all, im the type of person that can get a reation out of anyone at will!
Its to fucken easy at times.

Oh my, how could I be so stupid. Man, you are good. I only just now see how you did that. You challenged my post, asked me for my reaction by challenging my post, which I in turn gave, and bam, hook line and sinker, you got me. Have you ever considered that you are too witty for the internet, 'cos man that was good.

Either that or you're a very sad person. Haven't made my mind up yet.

[Ronin]

How was it out of context? Maybe you don't agree with the content, that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way. But to answer your question it is human nature to make jokes out of tragic topics, it's a way of being able to cope. How do you feel about paramedics awarding style points to car crash victims who have been ejected from cars? Do you watch TV programs or movies with violence in them? That no doubt offends a lot of people as well. But instead of watching and complaining they simply don't watch.

Are you the type of person who see's a *Warning - Live wires - Do Not Touch* sign and touches them anyway?

I used to work with a lady who had only one arm. Amputation just below the elbow. She had the best sense of humour. She cocked up one day, I looked her in the eye and told her she was as much use as a one armed paper hanger. Everyone around us shut up, coulda heard a pin drop. Then she laughed so hard she nearly wet herself.

[terbang]

Whats the definition of making love..?

Something that your girlfriend does while you're fucking her...

[EJK]

Discretion was adviced so.... I move on.

[Maha]

I used to work with a lady who had only one arm. Amputation just below the elbow. She had the best sense of humour. She cocked up one day, I looked her in the eye and told her she was as much use as a one armed paper hanger. Everyone around us shut up, coulda heard a pin drop. Then she laughed so hard she nearly wet herself.

I always though it was ''as busy as a one armed paper hanger''?

[Maha]

Whats the definition of making love..?

Something that your girlfriend does while you're fucking her...

Good to see ya back posting Bruce.

[Ronin]

Whats the definition of making love..?

Something that your girlfriend does while you're fucking her...

LOL!

Are you even allowed to have those thoughts in that part of the world?

[Maha]

Discretion was adviced so.... I move on.

Whats with your logical logic EJ?

[Maha]

LOL!

Are you even allowed to have those thoughts in that part of the world?

Or, 'busier than a one armed brick layer in Beirut'

[terbang]

Good to see ya back posting Bruce.

Cheers, was just trying to raise the tone a little.

One for the girls just to prove I do care for them too... :blink:

What's a womans arse hole doing as she has an orgasim..?
.
.
.
.

He's down the pub drinking with his mates...

[EJK]

Whats with your logical logic EJ?

I wash my hands.
I leave the thread.

I'm on your side Mark, about the joke.

[terbang]

LOL!

Are you even allowed to have those thoughts in that part of the world?

Not too loud though..

[onearmedbandit]

I used to work with a lady who had only one arm. Amputation just below the elbow. She had the best sense of humour. She cocked up one day, I looked her in the eye and told her she was as much use as a one armed paper hanger. Everyone around us shut up, coulda heard a pin drop. Then she laughed so hard she nearly wet herself.

Yep, it's great watching other peoples reactions when one of my mates drops a joke at my expense, you can almost feel their discomfort. I say if you can't laugh at yourself then who can you laugh at. People who take themselves too seriously are delusional. No one is that important.

[Crasherfromwayback]

What do all woman that've just had massive multiple orgasms say?



Thanks Pete.

[sinfull]

Ppl need to be able to laugh at themselves !
Got a mate who rung me out of the blue once asking if i could drive my van 5 hours up the line to a mutual mates and rescue him, when i asked what was up, he said he was legless !
Of course i told him to go sleep it off and hung up on him !
Next call came the explaination, that his bike had rolled downhill on the slightest of slopes while he had his back turned and fallen on his legs , breaking an ankle !
The other was fine as it was wooden !

Hard bastard had got bystanders to lift his bike and help him on it, then rode the hour it took to get to his destination and rolled off it in the drive !

[Skinon]

Haha those woman ones are classic! Yea i agree they are funny but i def dont take shit seriously like that, im probably the most un pc motherfucker you ever seen haha...

Anyway Do you know what love is?

The white stuff that comes out the end :D

[firefighter]

Why could'nt the baby get through the cat door?

It had a javelin through it's head.

[Jonno.]

The difference between GUTS and BALLS.

Guts is coming home late, drunk as a skunk, your wife is holding a broom, and you say "Still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls is coming home late, drunk as a skunk, smelling of perfum with lipstick on your collar, and you smack the wife in the ass and say "You're next, chubby."

[Jonno.]

A string walks into a bar. The bartender says to the string "we don't serve your kind here".

The string walks outside and thinks for a moment. He then ties himself in a knot and ruffles up his ends. He walks back to the bar and the bartender says, "hey, aren't you that string?"

The string replies "I'm a frayed knot"

[Skinon]

Haha!!! some dam goodones in here, they will be filed under 'ron' for later on.

A politician walks into a bar with a frog on his head, the barman says ''Jeez mate, where'd you get that from?"

The frog speaks up "Oh, it started out as a wart on my ass."

[sosman]

What the difference between a Prostitute & a Slut?

A prostitute will sleep with everyone......

And a slut will sleep with everyone but You!

[Laava]

The good thing about paedophiles is they drive slowly past schools!

[Skinon]

haahahahah!!!

[Bikernereid]

What I find humorous is, people who quote only part of a post...making it 'out of context'.

Can you answer this? What 'type of mind' would joke about the Holocaust and having sex with 3 year olds?

If you need to red rep me for my sense of humour, when do I get sent to the gulag for the rest of my opinion and belief in freedom of speech?

[Maha]

Not really 'Freedom of Speech' online though is it?, I mean, lets be honest here, at best, all anyone ever does is offer up an opinion or thought.
There is no sound therefore speech does not come into this form of communication.
So you are right by using the word opinion, but freedom of speech? nup!

I offered up my opinion in the 2nd post and ole 'Slot Machine' came in with his opinion on my opinion, see how this works?

[Mully]

Bloke walks into his house with a pig under his arm.

Goes up to his wife and says "This is the cow I've been shagging"

Wife says "That's a pig"

Bloke says "I was talking to the pig"

[Skinon]

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if
they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest
and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate
ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

The king then explains the trial to him-you have to shove the fruits up your
ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.

The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was
killed and went to heaven.

The second guy arrives with ten berries. When the king explained the trial
to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in
laughter, therefore also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why
did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming, he was carrying pineapples."

[Skinon]

There were 3 explorers, exploring the mighty amazon when they are captured by head hunters.
They are taken back to the where they meet with the chief.

"You have tresspassed on sacred land, you must choose death. Or Roo-Roo."

The 3 explorers look at each other puzzled and fearful... The first explorer says,

"Well im not gonna die, so obviously i choose Roo-roo" He says with a smirk.

The chief says, "You have chosen Roo-roo!" and as he says that, a giant native comes out of one of the huts grumbling "Roo-roo...." This native is 7 foot tall 160kgs and is naked with the hugest cock you've ever seen.

He lumbers over to the shocked explorer and throws him over a cerimonial block and fucks him up the ass while the others watch in horror! Then lets him go and he sprints outta the village as fast as he can.

Next the chief looks too the other 2 remaining, and says "Death, or Roo-roo!"

Clearly distraught the next guy says "Well fuck it, i have a family i dont wanna die! just get it over with." -and immediatly is thrown over the block to be roo-roo'd till bleeding and sore, then he runs off into the distance.

Finally the chief looks at the last man. "Death, or ROO-ROO!"

The last man is alot stronger willed than his friends, and he says "Look, no way is that happening to me! So you can get fucked! hahaha! i choose death!"

The chief, without batting an eyelid, says "You choose death. Death by ROO-ROO!!"

[Skinon]

And just some favourite chuck norris facts...

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Ha... i should prob go to bed na...

[Grubber]

Not really 'Freedom of Speech' online though is it?, I mean, lets be honest here, at best, all anyone ever does is offer up an opinion or thought.
There is no sound therefore speech does not come into this form of communication.
So you are right by using the word opinion, but freedom of speech? nup!

I offered up my opinion in the 2nd post and ole 'Slot Machine' came in with his opinion on my opinion, see how this works?

He He He..lovely bit of sarcasm there. Just nuzzled it in without being noticed. The best kind.

[onearmedbandit]

Not really

I offered up my opinion in the 2nd post and ole 'Slot Machine' came in with his opinion on my opinion, see how this works?

Ka-ching ka-ching. Everyone's a winner!

(ooo, hope you don't get upset with me only partially quoting your post)

[Stirts]

What is 18 inches long, stiff and makes women scream at night?
Cott death.


What's blue and never fits properly?
A dead epileptic.


Why can't little black kids play in the sandbox
Because the cats keep burying them

[MSTRS]

3 whitemen are captured by Indians.
The chief tells them they can each have one wish before they die.
The first one wants a smoke. He finishes and the chief says "Now kill him and use his skin to make a canoe"
The second one wants a drink. He finishes and the chief says "Now kill him and use his skin to make a canoe"
The third one wants a fork. Then he stabs himself all over, saying "You're not making a fucking canoe out of me"

[Swoop]

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if
they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest
and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate
ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

The king then explains the trial to him-you have to shove the fruits up your
ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.

The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was
killed and went to heaven.

The second guy arrives with ten berries. When the king explained the trial
to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in
laughter, therefore also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why
did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming
You forgot the punchline of "and he was carrying pineapples".

[kevfromcoro]

A muderious pedaphile is walking through the bush late at night with a young boy.
Its pitch black,, and the boy says.... shit this scarry...
The man says... dont know what you are worried about...
I have to walk out of here bymyself.

[Stirts]

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.


How do you kill 100 files in one shot?
Slap an Ethiopian on the face

[Skinon]

Haha thanks for that, was quite early in the morn and i forgot the main part

[Skinon]

*Job application*

Young male wanted to act as mudflap for 1979 cortina
Must be flexible and willing to travel.

[Number One]

Went to my girlfriends the other day. She has a new baby girl. Gorgeous wee thing only 6 weeks old..soo teeny tiny.

Anyway she needed to nip to the loo so she asked if I could wind the baby...I agreed but while she was away I decided that it was a bit cruel to wind such a small baby so I gave it a dead leg instead :)