Retarded complaints

[Scuba_Steve]

these are always fun for shitz 'n giggles, retarded customers complaining.
Post your best one's here regardless of whether they were complained to you personally, you were the retard complaining, it was a "mate of a mate", you saw it published somewhere, or one of the internationally known ones (like the comp in the power-cut) I want to hear them.

Here's a couple from sunshine uk to get started

* On a trip to the Canary Islands off northwest Africa, a woman complained that the sand was too hot and her children could not walk to the sea for a swim.

* A man who went to the Costa del Sol in southern Spain complained that as a result of the buffet in his all-inclusive hotel, he had put on "at least 2kg" during his trip.

* One man holidaying in Portugal was unhappy his hotel bed was "too comfy" so he overslept when he would have "preferred to be making the most of it".

And one from my experience working at DSE

Had a power cut one day (Higgins cut through the power line) so we have to shut shop as one we can't operate without power & 2 it's an OSH hazard (store goes into darkness).
So we're all out front as we're not allowed to be in the dark store and some dude comes walking towards the store to which we politely inform him the store's closed & why, his response came back (in a disgruntled voice) as "I thought you were supposed to be an electronic store" :facepalm:
Obviously doesn't know the difference between electronic store & power plant :weird:

[oneofsix]

Obviously doesn't know the difference between electronic store & power plant :weird:

It all use electrons :yes: Like to see the results when he feed 230V direct into his i-whatsit

[mashman]

I was onsite a few weeks ago and overheard the conversation of a woman hounding the service desk... she had recently moved desks and was getting increasingly frustrated at her monitor not working... I lifted the monitor lid on her laptop, noticed the lack of picture, then pushed the power button et voila... "oh, it's ok, he's just fiddled with the cables and it's come good" :facepalm:

[Whynot]

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time' - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel 'inadequate'.

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff, when in fact, she had mistaken the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The beach was too sandy."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be okay staying here?"

[slofox]

Do suggestions like these count as complaints?

As recorded by Forest Service somewhere or other...


# "Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."

# "A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call."

# "Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness."

# "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."

# "Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals."

# "All the mile markers are missing this year."

# "Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."

# "Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."

# "Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."

# "Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."

# "Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."

# "The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."

# "Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights."

# "A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."

# "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."

# "Too many rocks in the mountains."

# "Need more signs to keep area pristine."

[Scuba_Steve]

some from the UK housing council

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant



Microsoft technical help-desk
Agent: Right, now I want you to close all the open windows.
(after 5 minutes of silence)
Customer: The only window that was open was in the bathroom…I’ve closed that, now what?

Au Natural
Customer: Hi, I am looking for candles.
Agent: OK, is it just any kind of candles?
Customer: No, it’s those scented ones…now what do you call them? That’s it, incest candles.

[MSTRS]

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and she would like it in the garden before we move house.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6a.m., his cock wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.

...that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

[Maha]

Genuine personal complaint ...
I went to a gathering once, and there were people there...:angry:

[slofox]

Dear Domino’s
that’s it. I’ve had enough of this post-pizza rolling on the floor holding my ass. I will run you over. I will find out who is reading this letter (You are. It’s you.) and I will run you over with a car. Don’t think I’m serious? I AM WRITING THIS IN MY CAR. That is how not fucking around right now I am. I am writing this on my steering wheel and it is honking every time I write a letter and now the police are coming and I will have to cut this short.
OK, they’re gone.
Die-HONK-Die-Die-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-Die-Die-Die

[Mully]

http://notalwaysright.com/

Millions of them.....

[superman]

Me at dairy, grabs lift plus from fridge, big label $1.99. Bring to counter.

Dairy Owner :$2 thanks.
Me: Oh the fridge says $1.99, and I'm paying with eftpos.
DO: $2 take it or leave it.
Me: *walking off* you've displayed a price on your fridge, you're not providing customers with accurate prices and misrepresenting your stock. I guess you can't understand the issue, though that's probably why you're a dairy owner and not doing something else.

I know it was one cent, but I was iffy about wanting a drink and that just set me off. Lol. Such a stupid complaint though.

[sunhuntin]

had a goody when i worked at bp.

woman rang up and said she had purchased a phone top up earlier that day. she had mistaken it for a receipt and thrown it out, and wanted to know if she could get a free replacement. :facepalm: i told her she could come get another one, but would have to pay for it. strangely enough she didnt come in, hehehe.

edit, just remembered a beauty. i always read out the price down to the cent, instead of rounding it up, reading what the computer gives me [ie, $1.99 instead of $2] and i had one woman rip into me cos the computer didnt round up. i told her it wasnt up to me, and that all tills do it. she went on for quite a while about it. was glad to see her leave.

[rwh]

Dear Domino’s
that’s it. I’ve had enough of this post-pizza rolling on the floor holding my ass.

You've got the trots from what's in the box with the dots?

Richard

[steve_t]

Oldie but a goodie

<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-SL3e6L9Kd0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[hayd3n]

not so much a complaint but a retarted question
from a old m8 of mine
at the local fish n chip shop
"how much is a dollars chip?"
it took him about 5 minutes to click on what we were all laughing about

[Gremlin]

On the retarded questions front (perhaps it needs its own topic), I had one.

After informing the local bike shop of my departure from my motorcycle whilst riding it, the parts guy asked me, without thinking, did you survive?

I answered quite quickly, with a straight face, no, I died twice.

You could almost hear the inwards groan, as he realised what he had asked, and admitted, you ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer. :lol:

[sidecar bob]

I had a client come & say "you replaced my cambelt a few weeks back & now, on the weekend, my car overheated really badly"
"Ok" i say, "tell me how it happened"
She, "well, it was parked in town on Saturday morning for a few hours, & when I came to get in it, the steering wheel & dashboard were so hot i could hardly touch them, & i had to sit there with the windows down for a few minutes before i could even drive off!!"

[Woodman]

We sell amongst other things "Start ya bastard" engine start. I had a genuine complaint from a gentleman about it being on the shelf in the showroom with the filthy language etc etc. He made quite a song and dance about it.:tugger:

I listened, apologized, did nothing and never saw him again.

[The Stranger]

In IT you pretty much get all the standard ones power cords and switches and the likes were common place but most seem to have cottoned on to this one now days.

A common one in the earlier days of colour printers was running out of colour ink. People seemed to think that ink should last forever, despite the pop up warnings. I suspect that this was cost motivated, but it didn't help when they got my bill too.
Not removing the plastic cover from the ink cartridge caused another call out.

My favourite however is the woman calling me one afternoon to ask why I hadn't fixed her email yet when she had emailed me to tell me her mail wasn't working that morning.

[The Stranger]

We sell amongst other things "Start ya bastard" engine start.

Perhaps you could place a sticker over the "engine start" bit and make big money marketing it to women?

[Laava]

I had a client come & say "you replaced my cambelt a few weeks back & now, on the weekend, my car overheated really badly"
"Ok" i say, "tell me how it happened"
She, "well, it was parked in town on Saturday morning for a few hours, & when I came to get in it, the steering wheel & dashboard were so hot i could hardly touch them, & i had to sit there with the windows down for a few minutes before i could even drive off!!"

Noooooooooooooo!

[slofox]

Me at dairy, grabs lift plus from fridge, big label $1.99. Bring to counter.

Dairy Owner :$2 thanks.
Me: Oh the fridge says $1.99, and I'm paying with eftpos.
DO: $2 take it or leave it.
Me: *walking off* you've displayed a price on your fridge, you're not providing customers with accurate prices and misrepresenting your stock. I guess you can't understand the issue, though that's probably why you're a dairy owner and not doing something else.

I know it was one cent, but I was iffy about wanting a drink and that just set me off. Lol. Such a stupid complaint though.

I did exactly that in a shop in Mount Maunganui - I insisted they eftpos me for the exact amount. They did, too - much to my surprise. I was having one of those days when I was ready to tear someone's throat out...:angry2::ar15::ar15::ar15:

[Bald Eagle]

:Offtopic:Regularly used to visit a dairy that 'rounded up from 9.98 to 10.00 whenever I was paying by eftpos I called them on it every time.

[sidecar bob]

Noooooooooooooo!
I couldnt make shit like that up, but i can go one better.
I had a lady come in complaining of a leak from her car.
I discovered it was coming from the aircond condensation drains.
I explained what it was & how it all worked & that the moisture was from the air.
Upon thinking I had been understood, she looked at me vacantly & said, ok, where is the filler & how often do we need to put water in it?
Oh, and on a differnt note, I had an Asian lady come in & her name was Chitapon, & when you say it, it sounds like shit upon, that tested out my fake serious expression too!!

[Virago]

The appropriate use of Swedish Rounding can cause some farcical situations.

A while back Land Transport decided to solve the issue for Motor Vehicle Registration, by rounding down on the actual invoice. I can't remember the amount for registering a car - let's say it was $183.93 - they rounded it down on the invoice to $183.90.

The boffins in Wellington pointed out that it was illegal - they were adjusting figures that were set by legislation. So LTNZ instructed their agents that they must charge the full amount, regardless of the invoice bottom line.

A Dunedin bloke turns up at NZ Post to register a car for his elderly neighbour. The old fella had given him a cheque as per the invoice bottom line - $183.90.

NZ Post: "Sorry, sir, we can't accept the cheque - it must be for $183.93."

Customer: "But the invoice says $183.90."

NZ Post: "Sorry sir, our hands are tied on the matter."

Customer: "Okay, here's 10 cents to cover the short-fall."

NZ Post: "Sorry, we can't accept that - it would mean you have over-paid."

The customer goes away, and comes back with cash.

NZ Post: "Okay, as you're paying with cash, we can round it down. That will be $183.90, please."

:facepalm:

[slofox]

The appropriate use of Swedish Rounding can cause some farcical situations.

A while back Land Transport decided to solve the issue for Motor Vehicle Registration, by rounding down on the actual invoice. I can't remember the amount for registering a car - let's say it was $183.93 - they rounded it down on the invoice to $183.90.

The boffins in Wellington pointed out that it was illegal - they were adjusting figures that were set by legislation. So LTNZ instructed their agents that they must charge the full amount, regardless of the invoice bottom line.

A Dunedin bloke turns up at NZ Post to register a car for his elderly neighbour. The old fella had given him a cheque as per the invoice bottom line - $183.90.

NZ Post: "Sorry, sir, we can't accept the cheque - it must be for $183.93."

Customer: "But the invoice says $183.90."

NZ Post: "Sorry sir, our hands are tied on the matter."

Customer: "Okay, here's 10 cents to cover the short-fall."

NZ Post: "Sorry, we can't accept that - it would mean you have over-paid."

The customer goes away, and comes back with cash.

NZ Post: "Okay, as you're paying with cash, we can round it down. That will be $183.90, please."

:facepalm:


Sounds like something out of Dickens' Circumlocution Office...


On the subject of rounding:

The proprietors of one servo in The Tron, a couple of years ago, decided, in their Asiatic wisdom, that they could round any price up to the nearest dollar. So if the pump said $48.53, they charged $49.00...

They were called on this by many people but insisted that they could do what they wanted.

Funnily enough, they are no longer trading...:whistle:

[superman]

I did exactly that in a shop in Mount Maunganui - I insisted they eftpos me for the exact amount. They did, too - much to my surprise. I was having one of those days when I was ready to tear someone's throat out...:angry2::ar15::ar15::ar15:

Well I got told to leave and get a lawyer... I'm seriously considering reporting him to the commerce commision since he tempted me with that. What a dick, no one probably ever told him the customers always right... unless the customers being an absolute idiot. But if he wants to breach the fair trading act and bait me in with a false price he's gonna have some fun in court all over 1c and then he's gonna realise he was a bloody retard. :clap:

[avgas]

Should have replied.
"And I thought we had intelligent customers...." :tugger:

[Scuba_Steve]

I remember this one customer we had at DSE who would bring his PC back every couple months 'cause it was "broken" and should be fixed under warranty which would be correct if the PC was actually broken but every single time without fail the reason it was "broken" was it contained so many viruses, adware & malware the PC struggled to do anything. He would NOT get any anti-virus ranting n raving "it's not his responsibility it's a warranty issue". After 6mths of this it was decided to cut losses & refund his money, when he then wanted assistance with a new computer he was polity told to fuck off! we will not be selling him another PC.

[Scuba_Steve]

another from Heralds sideswipe

A daycare received this message from a concerned parent. It reads: "Hi Becky! This is Kaylyn's mum :-]. I have a concern about the snacks you are serving the kids. Today we were in the store and Kaylyn pointed out the type of cookies that you served at the teddy bear picnic. Much to my dismay they weren't a name brand. My husband and I pay very good money for childcare and we expect corners won't be cut in the care of our child. That and we don't want to instill [sic] the sorts of values in her that make her think it's okay to settle for less than the best. This might be hard for you to understand but it means a lot to me."

[oneofsix]

another from Heralds sideswipe

A daycare received this message from a concerned parent. It reads: "Hi Becky! This is Kaylyn's mum :-]. I have a concern about the snacks you are serving the kids. Today we were in the store and Kaylyn pointed out the type of cookies that you served at the teddy bear picnic. Much to my dismay they weren't a name brand. My husband and I pay very good money for childcare and we expect corners won't be cut in the care of our child. That and we don't want to instill [sic] the sorts of values in her that make her think it's okay to settle for less than the best. This might be hard for you to understand but it means a lot to me."


Reply should read something like "Hi Kaylyn's mum, In line with your request your fees for the current year have just increased 100%. We will understand if you choose to remove Kaylyn from our facility in light of this." And then just make sure the biscuits are in a non-descript container and all packeting removed from the premises before offering them to the kids.

[imdying]

I don't think it'll matter where her precious little tyke develops a love of sugar, and I'm pretty sure that diabetes doesn't give a fuck either.

[slofox]

another from Heralds sideswipe

A daycare received this message from a concerned parent. It reads: "Hi Becky! This is Kaylyn's mum :-]. I have a concern about the snacks you are serving the kids. Today we were in the store and Kaylyn pointed out the type of cookies that you served at the teddy bear picnic. Much to my dismay they weren't a name brand. My husband and I pay very good money for childcare and we expect corners won't be cut in the care of our child. That and we don't want to instill [sic] the sorts of values in her that make her think it's okay to settle for less than the best. This might be hard for you to understand but it means a lot to me."


Reply should read something like "Hi Kaylyn's mum, In line with your request your fees for the current year have just increased 100%. We will understand if you choose to remove Kaylyn from our facility in light of this." And then just make sure the biscuits are in a non-descript container and all packeting removed from the premises before offering them to the kids.



Or..."Dear Kaylyn's Mum, You fucking moron. You should have been expelled from the human race at birth."

I feel sorry for Kaylyn with a mother like that...:facepalm:

[Smifffy]

another from Heralds sideswipe

A daycare received this message from a concerned parent. It reads: "Hi Becky! This is Kaylyn's mum :-]. I have a concern about the snacks you are serving the kids. Today we were in the store and Kaylyn pointed out the type of cookies that you served at the teddy bear picnic. Much to my dismay they weren't a name brand. My husband and I pay very good money for childcare and we expect corners won't be cut in the care of our child. That and we don't want to instill [sic] the sorts of values in her that make her think it's okay to settle for less than the best. This might be hard for you to understand but it means a lot to me."

That's 'working for families' at work for ya.

Dear Kaylyn's mum,

Since Kaylyn was first enrolled at our daycare, we have many times had to chastise the other children, and in fact have sent some to time out, for calling Kaylyn names like 'snob' 'up herself' and 'Queen Kaylyn'.

In accordance with your wishes I will ensure I get separate snacks for Kaylyn, perhaps toffee pops or mallowpuffs. I will ensure that Kaylyn is served first, as the other children watch, and then line up for their round wine biscuits.

I'm sure that you are doing a great job of instilling the proper values in Kaylyn which will equip her well to easily deal with the lack of subservient deference of her classmates.

You may also be very happy to know that little Tama often tells the other children that Kaylyn is very pretty and that her hair is very soft.

[Brian d marge]

Dont get me started ..... about slack Jaws

I live in a contra , that breeds them .. then go and play with nuclear power stations

The latest one.

Contact lenses. Coastal contacts stopped supplying to Japan, and the Japanese site doesn't list my kind so off to Jap land ( it always ends in tears , I know this , but ,,,but ,,,,)

So eye test , 5 in one eye 6 in the other , for close up work I need 7 , much arguing with Numbnuts and we agree on 6.5 ( which is what I have in now and use reading glasses for the verniers etc , would prefer 7 )

they arrive after 3 week??? from USA 5 days ... ( and you think NZ is bad )
put them in today

Cant see a fR$%'ng thing ..... I knew this would happen , I knew it ...but I trusted them ....more fool me .....

So ...off to the clinic tomorrow ( oh no thats another story )

So off to the eye doctor tomorrow , not sure if I should just beat him to a pulp

or be polite , then beat him to a pulp , or worse bring him my wifes cooking for a week and make him eat it

Now for a quick note to slackJaws in General;

I swear PLEASE PLEASE if you have difficulty thinking and a tendency towards a slack Jaw ...Please inform me , so that I can make an alternative arrangement

Or at least wear a pink question mark on your shoulder to inform everyone that you suffer from a disability


How these people make Motorcycles is beyond me ( oh I know they use Jeremy Burgess )

Stephen

Rant over

[Smifffy]

I swear PLEASE PLEASE if you have difficulty thinking and a tendency towards a slack Jaw ...Please inform me , so that I can make an alternative arrangement

Or at least wear a pink question mark on your shoulder to inform everyone that you suffer from a disability



Bill Engvall - Here's your sign!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5ZkdHImCuQ

[Brian d marge]

Bill Engvall - Here's your sign!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5ZkdHImCuQ

Yup Mongo here luvs my sign !!!

Stephen

[theblackbandit]

An oldie but a goodie...


These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website's official. They obviously have a sense of humour. Amazing how some people ask daft questions!


Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK.)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.


Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.


Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?


Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.


Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.


Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.


Q! : Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.


Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.


Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)

A: Only at Christmas.


Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[LBD]

Page 3 of the thread and still no mention of Norwegian Blues....

[Brian d marge]

Bill Engvall - Here's your sign!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5ZkdHImCuQ

update ... old contacts 6.5 , new contacts 6.5 old contacts see fine , new contact cant see

billy bob tojo ....:gob:why ....... try wearing glasses which I am trying now ( 2 dollar shop )

I wonder why I wearing contacts in the first place ,,,, i dont know ..to see maybe ?

sooooo have to go into the shop and listen to billy bob tojo expert tell me what I need again
Rather than friggen ask ( Ive only been wearing contacts for #### years and pretty much know what I need )


oh well the trials and tribulations of being a customer

Stephen

[jasonu]

Me at dairy, grabs lift plus from fridge, big label $1.99. Bring to counter.

Dairy Owner :$2 thanks.
Me: Oh the fridge says $1.99, and I'm paying with eftpos.
DO: $2 take it or leave it.
Me: *walking off* you've displayed a price on your fridge, you're not providing customers with accurate prices and misrepresenting your stock. I guess you can't understand the issue, though that's probably why you're a dairy owner and not doing something else.

I know it was one cent, but I was iffy about wanting a drink and that just set me off. Lol. Such a stupid complaint though.

Was that at Arkwright and Granvilles 'Open All Hours' shop???

When working on a cruise ship I overheard a story about a guest complaining that he paid for a window cabin and wanted a better view than the carpark. We hadn't set sail yet...

Not relavent to the thread but funny. I saw a teeshirt for sale in Hollywood I wished I bought.
LAPD We treat you like a King.

[ellipsis]

...I had to hard fix a safe in a business in England...the insurance company wouldn't cover free standing safes anymore...removed lots of brickwork ..poured a concrete liner...drilled out holes to fit the chem-set bolts in the back of the safe...bolted it up...job done...two days later the business owner (an Irishman) contacted me, very unhappy...was concerned that if someone broke into his safe, they could unbolt it and steal the safe...

..not sure if it was the irish in him..

[Gremlin]

These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website's official. They obviously have a sense of humour. Amazing how some people ask daft questions!
Ye missed my favourite one:

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

[Scuba_Steve]

Customer: So how much does the laptop weigh?
Assistant: Around 3kg's
Customer: What about when the hard drives full how much then?
Assistant: :facepalm:

[theblackbandit]

That IS a good one! hadnt seen it until now...


Ye missed my favourite one:

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.