Limericks

[Tigadee]

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
What is a sweater
Without a bust
--------------------
Ashes to Ashes
Dust to dust
If it weren't for pussy
My dick would rust
--------------------

Feel free to add on your limerick...

[FJRider]

There was a young man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin, wiping spunk from his chin.
If my nose was a cunt I could fuck it.

[mashman]

Roses are freddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for the Catholics
We'd all be Jewish

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm felling quite horny
Do you fancy a screw

Roses are red
Violets are blue
STD's are contagious
So watch who you do

[blackdog]

The roses have wilted
The violets are dead
The sugar bowl's empty
And so is your head.

They aint limericks dumbass.

[blackdog]

Neither is this but it's funnier than everything else in this thread so far.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnKMehoLaF8&feature=player_detailpage

[MSTRS]

They aint limericks dumbass.


No, they aren't. Limericks are 5 lines, 1+2 rhyme, 3+4 rhyme, and 5 rhymes with 1/2. Thusly...

There was a young man from Bombay
Who molded a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And wore all his foreskin away

There was a young man from Nantucket
Who stuck his prick into a bucket
But he found it too loose
Even worse than his goose
So he was forced to bend over and suck it

[BuzzardNZ]

When I first set eyes on the SV,
I thought god damn, that's the bike for me!
However I found the suspension so weak.
Made confident riders meek.
Seems good things from Suzuki just ain't meant to be :(

[Stirts]

There was a young lady from Leith,
Who would circumcise men with her teeth,
It wasn't for fame, Or love of the game
But to get at the cheese underneath.




There was a young lassie from Morton,
who had one long tit and one short 'en,
on top of all that, a great hairy twat,
and a fart like a six fifty Norton.

[jim.cox]

There was a young lady of Nottingham
Whose manners she'd wholy forgotten 'em
While at tea at the vicar's
She took off her knickers
Complaining she felt far too hot in 'em

[mashman]

taaaaaake two

I think that KB is fantastic
Where some think they're being sarcastic
Most of them know it
And most of them show it
Where really they're just tards and spastics

[MSTRS]

Mashman Mashman ye rotten bastard
Afore ye wrote, ye shoulda ask'd
All of KB, both girls and men
Instead of insults from yer pen
A bit o' nice woulda flabbergasted (and got you more green :innocent:)

[nodrog]

There once was a man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

[mashman]

I almost feel regret
For the troll of the trolls and trollettes
For the words that I bling
Really should sting
But it hasn't arrived just yet

[MSTRS]

A limerick should rhyme
Just pick the right line
Iambic pentameter as well
Can't rhyme it - oh hell
And meter is wrong this time

[Maha]

There once was a man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

...and the reason for that
As he arse scratched the mat
He realised he needed a poo.

[Laava]

There was a young man from Belgrave
who kept a dead whore in a cave
he said I admit
I'm a bit of a shit
but think of the money I save

[Laava]

There once was a man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

Disappointment sets in
Need more lines for a win
In this case cocaine will do

[turtleman]

There once was a man from Exameter
Who had a prodigious diameter
But it wasn't the size
That brought forth the cries
'Twas his rythm, iambic pentameter.

[mashman]

A limerick should rhyme
Just pick the right line
Iambic pentameter as well
Can't rhyme it - oh hell
And meter is wrong this time

You may as well be writing in Greek
You mad KB limerical geek
My meter'll get worse
I'm a bit better with verse
Though your tutelage I'll happily seek

[Virago]

There was a young priest from Madrid,
Who cast loving eyes on a kid,
He said with great joy,
"I'll bugger that boy",
I didn't think he would - but he did.

[Hitcher]

There was a young vicar named Bings
Who talked about god and such things
But his secret desire
Was a boy in the choir
With a bottom like jelly on springs.

[allycatz]

My late Dads favourite....

There was a young man from Australia
Painted his bum like a dahlia
The size was right
The colour was bright
But the smell was a hell of a failure

[FJRider]

A young man that lived in a cave.
Dug up a dead whore from her grave.
He said I know it's not right.
But I've been at her all night.
And think of the money I've saved ...

[NOD]

There was a man from Peru
who did not know what to do
so he sat on the stairs
and counted his hairs
and he counted 72 :woohoo:

[Daffyd]

There was a young lady from Japan
Who went for a ride in a tram.
The filthy conductor
Went and f***ed her
And now she's wheeling a pram.

[Stirts]

There was a fair maiden called Heather
Whose labia were fashioned in leather.
She made a strange noise,
Which attracted the boys,
By flapping the edges together.

[Laava]

There was a young man from Devizes
whose balls were of two different sizes
the one that was small
was no good at all
But the other won plenty of prizes

[mashman]

There was an old man named Mash
Ne'er allowed smoke any hash
The man said no
You can't have a blow
Drink if you want to get smashed

[tigertim20]

There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a c*nt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away



Here's to the girl named Louise
Who's pubic hair hung to her knees
the crabs came together,
and knitted a sweater
so in Winter her c*nt would not freeze!



There once was a vampire named Mabel
Whose periods were rather unstable.
One night at full moon,
She took out a spoon
And drank herself under the table.

[Maha]

nodrog was heard to have said
I like the shape of your head
If you bend over for me
Singing killing me softly
I'll make sure you come before bed.

[kevfromcoro]

A young man that lived in a cave.
Dug up a dead whore from her grave.
He said I know it's not right.
But I've been at her all night.
And think of the money I've saved ...

There was a young man called Dave
Who found a dead whore in a cave.
Isnt it disgusting
She only needs dusting
And think of the money ill save

[Usarka]

There was a man from Kriskit
Who said you should briskly whisk it
He whisked his poo
And some of that goo
And said this tastes like Arse Biscuit

[mashman]

There were two men that lived on a junk
Big John slept in the top bunk
Wee Tam was below
More likely to blow
And cover his mate in his spunk

There was a young woman called Sheila
I wanted much more than to feel her
I got my request
She whipped out her breasts
Turns out she was quite a loud squealer

[Drew]

I met a guy from Nantukit (sp) once, he hadn't done any of the funny shit I'd heard about!

[unstuck]

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/gl160czHD-c" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> :bleh::spanking:

[mashman]

There was a man named the Pope
Who it seems is a bit of a dope
Excusing child rape
For the churches sake
Should see him at the end of a rope

[mashman]

There once was a human society
That started to get slightly rioty
The people were stressed
Over auserity and duress
Yet they sat there all nice and quiety

[MSTRS]

There once was a human society
Where a few got slightly rioty
The people were stressed
Over austerity and duress
Yet most just sat there nice and quiety

'Fixed' that for ya. But a great effort...

[mashman]

'Fixed' that for ya. But a great effort...

I still prefer "Started" :bleh:. I knew there was a "just" required in the last line, I just couldn't figure how to fit it in :rofl:...

[MSTRS]

But but but...
Society is all of us, and only a few ever rail against the bullshit foisted on us all.
And how long ago was 'started' supposed to refer to? Didn't Plato have something to say about the youth in his era?

[mashman]

But but but...
Society is all of us, and only a few ever rail against the bullshit foisted on us all.
And how long ago was 'started' supposed to refer to? Didn't Plato have something to say about the youth in his era?

b b b but I wrote it, it's my context... waaaaaaaaaaaahhh I want my ball back

hmmmm, That recently got slightly rioty?

[george formby]

There was an old woman from Ealing
who had a most peculiar feeling
she lay on her back
to open her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling



There was young man from quashum
who took out his balls to washum
his wife said "jack
if you don't put them back
I'll stand on the buggers & squashum"

[Maha]

When it comes to Limericks, why are the people spoken about, either old or young?
Does middle aged not fit?

[Virago]

When it comes to Limericks, why are the people spoken about, either old or young?
Does middle aged not fit?

A middle-aged man named Mark,
Would only make love in the dark.
When we ask why
He said with a sigh,
That braille was the best way to fark.

[george formby]

Hey diddle diddle the cat had a piddle
all over the kitchen floor
the little dog laughed
to see such fun
so the cat did a little bit more.

[munster]

There was a young girl named Sapphire,
who succumbed to her lover’s desire,
she said “It’s a sin,
but now that it’s in,
could you shove it a few inches higher?