Ask Grandpa...

[Edbear]

Thought we could have a bit of fun with this. Every women's magazine has an Agony Aunt column, an "Ask so-and-so", so I figured we could do that on here.

As long as we don't get too far out of hand that it gets PD'd, if you have any questions or issues you'd like to ask Grandpa about, post away. :niceone:

[Taz]

Why can't chocolate fish swim?

[Edbear]

Why can't chocolate fish swim?

Lacking a swim bladder and gills, they start at a disadvantage and then they tend to melt. A great eating fish though, best served raw.

[yungatart]

What's the road made of?

[paturoa]

Dear Grandpa,

When I wake up in the morning I ... opps - sorry this isn't the LOA forum.

When I wake up in the morning I lust after other's bikes. Am I a bad person?

Anon

[Edbear]

What's the road made of?

There are many roads, not always leading to the same place, and can be made from many different materials from paper to dirt to concrete.

[Edbear]

Dear Grandpa,

When I wake up in the morning I ... opps - sorry this isn't the LOA forum.

When I wake up in the morning I lust after other's bikes. Am I a bad person?

Anon

You are if you desire another man's bike, however of you desire a similar bike for yourself, you are quite within your rights and if you get the means to purchase one, go for it!

[yungatart]

There are many roads, not always leading to the same place, and can be made from many different materials from paper to dirt to concrete.

Well, what is the dirt made of Grandpa?

[Edbear]

Well, what is the dirt made of Grandpa?

Mostly a mixture of clay and sand with added minerals. "Soil" is used to describe arable dirt with the minerals necessary to grow plants.

[oscarnz]

Dear Grandpa

Why does it rain? and is there anyway to make it stop before tonight?

[yungatart]

Mostly a mixture of clay and sand with added minerals. "Soil" is used to describe arable dirt with the minerals necessary to grow plants.

Thanks for that.

What does the sun eat?

[Edbear]

Rain, my dear, is the Earth's way of making everything grow and refreshing the atmosphere. The natural water-cycle is very efficient and a wonderous thing. It is unaffected by individual humans but may be influenced by the activities of mankind adversely.

I regret to say, neither you nor I nor anyone else is able to make it stop. This is in itself a good thing as otherwise there would be a constant state of war between those who want it to rain and those who don't.

[Edbear]

Thanks for that.

What does the sun eat?

The Sun is an incredible thing. It in effect "eats" itself, yet it has enough reserves of hot stuff that it may never run out, and the best estimates of science is that it will last at least several billion years yet.

[MSTRS]

Grandpa, you know soooo much stuff. You must have gone to school for a long time AND you must be really old. Is your head full yet?
And why is Grandma wearing those funny stockings, and holding a whip?

[Edbear]

Grandpa, you know soooo much stuff. You must have gone to school for a long time AND you must be really old. Is your head full yet?
And why is Grandma wearing those funny stockings, and holding a whip?

My head will never be full as as more stuff goes into it other older stuff, and sometimes even recent stuff, falls out. At times it would seem a sieve is more secure than my brain for retaining stuff.

Grandma, unfortunately is resisting being persuaded to wear those funny stockings and brandish a wip; however she has other rather attractive methods of distracting me from whatever I am doing at the time, to the point where I am mesmerised and unable to move... :rolleyes:

[yungatart]

The Sun is an incredible thing. It in effect "eats" itself, yet it has enough reserves of hot stuff that it may never run out, and the best estimates of science is that it will last at least several billion years yet.

Are you sure?

My (then) three year old told me it ate the moon...these are his questions, when i was stumped on that one, he told me I was silly... and gave me his answer

[MSTRS]

Grandma, unfortunately is resisting being persuaded to wear those funny stockings and brandish a wip...

Nope. She was definitely dressed as described. I must have caught her in a moment of weakness. Don't you wish you had...?

[FJRider]

Why do Aucklanders seem to think they are more important than everybody else ... ???

[Edbear]

Are you sure?

My (then) three year old told me it ate the moon...these are his questions, when i was stumped on that one, he told me I was silly... and gave me his answer

I confess I haven't been there to examine it closely but I have read much from science on it. The general consensus of scientific opinion is that it is self-sustaining.

Your poor wee son may be disconcerted to know the moon remains healthily distant from the Sun and serves as an effective mirror for our enjoyment. It also influences the tides with its magnetic pull and by this your dear son may explore the beaches to see what was washed up by the last tide.

[Edbear]

Nope. She was definitely dressed as described. I must have caught her in a moment of weakness. Don't you wish you had...?

The only time I can catch Grandma is in a moment of weakness...


Why do Aucklanders seem to think they are more important than everybody else ... ???

Aucklanders, my dear Sir, are so stressed and busy with their own lives and battling traffic they have precious little time to think of anything but where they need to be next. Not so much thinking they are more important than anyone else, more that they don't have time to think about anyone else.

[MSTRS]

...more that they don't have time to think about anyone else.

All that sitting about in traffic that's not going anywhere should mean they have MORE time to think than the rest of the country. Or is that when they catch up on sleep?

[yungatart]

I confess I haven't been there to examine it closely but I have read much from science on it. The general consensus of scientific opinion is that it is self-sustaining.

Your poor wee son may be disconcerted to know the moon remains healthily distant from the Sun and serves as an effective mirror for our enjoyment. It also influences the tides with its magnetic pull and by this your dear son may explore the beaches to see what was washed up by the last tide.

He was three then, and thought he knew everything. Now he is 20, going on 21, and knows that he knows everything!

I am hoping he outgrows it soon....

[paturoa]

Why are anagrams of "Ask Grandpa Edbear" just a little spooky?

Bad A grade spanker.
Pa drags naked bear.
Baked grandpa arse.
Bad arse aged prank.

[FJRider]

Why are anagrams of "Ask Grandpa Edbear" just a little spooky?

Bad A grade spanker.
Pa drags naked bear.
Baked grandpa arse.
Bad arse aged prank.

Because you have far too much spare time ...

[Edbear]

All that sitting about in traffic that's not going anywhere should mean they have MORE time to think than the rest of the country. Or is that when they catch up on sleep?

Thinking is an art form and regrettably there are few real artists in Auckland traffic...


He was three then, and thought he knew everything. Now he is 20, going on 21, and knows that he knows everything!

I am hoping he outgrows it soon....

Our son is 36 and still thinks he knows everything...


Why are anagrams of "Ask Grandpa Edbear" just a little spooky?

Bad A grade spanker.
Pa drags naked bear.
Baked grandpa arse.
Bad arse aged prank.

Grandpa Edbear is a spooky thing to see, esp. in his birthday suit at night when he emits an eerie glow. He is very good at spanking, though not so successful in getting spanked.

[paturoa]

Because you have far too much spare time ...

Nope, old = cunning http://wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html

[Bikemad]

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

[mashman]

If the the data returned from the LHC proves the existence of the Higgs Boson particle, does that mean that God doesn't exist?

[curly]

At a movie theater which armrest is yours?

[Bikemad]

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
When you go to Heaven, do you wear the clothes you were buried in forever?

[Edbear]

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Yes...


If the the data returned from the LHC proves the existence of the Higgs Boson particle, does that mean that God doesn't exist?

No, the term "God Particle" is a misnomer and the likely outcome is that man will have gone further than ever before in finding the smallest particle.

The Universe is a very ordered structure and science is at a loss to explain its origins. They hope that if they find the "God Particle" it may help to learn more about how it began. To date they can only trace it back to about a few moments after it began. The "Big Bang" was a very controlled event and the Universe's expansion was definitely not an uncontrolled explosion.

[Subike]

Well, what is the dirt made of Grandpa?



Dirt is made from the shit of earth worms,
These ingenious little underground wrigglers consume their own body weight in degraded material every day.
By passing this "rubbish" through their digestive system, they remove all sorts of things from it.
The "cleaned" minerals, etc, are the ejected out, the substance is called vermicaste. Which is pure clean dirt.
Over time other faces are added via birds, insects, animals, which increase the nutrients in the dirt.
Our own human skin contributes a vast amount of "dust" on a daily basis as we shed our skin on a daily basis.
So "dirt" is worm shit!

[Edbear]

At a movie theater which armrest is yours?

The one closest to you that the person beside you lets you use.


If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
When you go to Heaven, do you wear the clothes you were buried in forever?

The series would have ended far too soon and everyone wanted to see more of the girls in their bikinis...

Sorry, you don't go to Heaven unless specifically invited by God. Heaven is a Bible teaching so you must go to the Bible to find out about who goes there or not. According to the Bible, people whether good or bad, simply die and rot in the ground, awaiting the resurrection that Jesus Christ promised for both the good and the bad.

The upside is that you don't go to Hell and burn forever if you've been a bad boy, (or girl), either.

[curly]

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

[slofox]

Dear Granpa,

How could I get to bonk Elina Garanca? (This one here...)

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vF5BBoylCzQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Edbear]

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

The British singing voice is generally a beautiful thing to hear. It is unique in the world. Very few of the tribal accents come through in song unless in a movie such as Fiddler on the Roof.

[Edbear]

Dear Granpa,

How could I get to bonk Elina Garanca? (This one here...)

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vF5BBoylCzQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

You can't...

[Edbear]

You can't...

Although she is accomplished and beautiful she is not unique and would not make my list of top ten Opera singers.

[Edbear]

Grandpa has to take a break now, Grandma requires his attention. He will return later.

[slofox]

You can't...

Damn.


Although she is accomplished and beautiful she is not unique and would not make my list of top ten Opera singers.

She is in my top ten list - I do like the mezzo voice.

[Subike]

Grandpa,

what can go up a chimney down
but not down a chimney up?

[Bikemad]

well its pretty safe to assume i won't be getting an invite anytime soon so............
assuming you get to heaven.............1...will you be taking a change of undies? and 2...boxers or briefs?

[FJRider]

Grandpa has to take a break now, Grandma requires his attention. He will return later.

Are Whip's ... and funny stockings involved ... ??? :drool:

[curly]

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

[ellipsis]

...how long will you be, Grandpa...

[nighthawk]

Dear Gandpa,

If a man speaks and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong????

[FJRider]

In my experience ... even if he doesnt speak ... he's wrong. :(

[nighthawk]

In my experience ... even if he doesnt speak ... he's wrong. :(

AAAHHHH ........ I see our other halves( presuming you have one)went too the same school of thought...:eek:

[oscarnz]

Rain, my dear, is the Earth's way of making everything grow and refreshing the atmosphere. The natural water-cycle is very efficient and a wonderous thing. It is unaffected by individual humans but may be influenced by the activities of mankind adversely.

I regret to say, neither you nor I nor anyone else is able to make it stop. This is in itself a good thing as otherwise there would be a constant state of war between those who want it to rain and those who don't.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Edbear again.

LOL thanks

[wickle]

Granpa why's the tarseal different colours and sum times slipperee

[MSTRS]

Are Whip's ... and funny stockings involved ... ??? :drool:

Prolly. And fur-lined handcuffs...

[FJRider]

AAAHHHH ........ I see our other halves( presuming you have one)went too the same school of thought...:eek:

It gets worse ... If you say nothing, you are wrong because you didn't speak. If you do say something ... it was the wrong thing to say.

On the few occasions you do say the correct thing, SHE was just about to say that ...

It's not a competition ... but you cant win. DONT try. Life WILL be easier ... trust me on this.

[FJRider]

AAAHHHH ........ I see our other halves( presuming you have one)went too the same school of thought...:eek:

Apparently ... MEN use a different part of their anatomy .... than women ... for their thinking ... :msn-wink:

Where they were educated makes no difference ... :no:

[jellywrestler]

Why can't chocolate fish swim? no idea but they can run in the sun...

[MIXONE]

Where do the lights go when the lights go out?

[Virago]

Where do the lights go when the lights go out?

In the fridge - with the door closed...?

[MIXONE]

In the fridge - with the door closed...?

Watching the salad dressing?

[yungatart]

Watching the salad dressing?

And the beet root?

[Grumph]

Grandpa...given that there is radiant heat, is there radiant cold too ?

[nadroj]

Grandpa...given that there is radiant heat, is there radiant cold too ?

There definitely is when I come home pissed!

[MyGSXF]

Grandpa... Are we there yet......? :wait:

[Edbear]

Grandpa,

what can go up a chimney down
but not down a chimney up?

An umbrella.


well its pretty safe to assume i won't be getting an invite anytime soon so............
assuming you get to heaven.............1...will you be taking a change of undies? and 2...boxers or briefs?

I haven't received an invite and really don't expect one. As the Bible says, "flesh and blood" cannot enter heaven and one has to become a spirit creature, I assume one will not require a change of undies.


Are Whip's ... and funny stockings involved ... ??? :drool:

Been there done that, this was for a shopping trip.


When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

They write their signs before they go on strike, so steal the bosses time to do it first.


...how long will you be, Grandpa...

5' 10".

[Edbear]

Dear Gandpa,

If a man speaks and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong????

Yes.


Granpa why's the tarseal different colours and sum times slipperee

Stones are not all exactly the same shade and sometimes it rains and they get wet. Then they are slippery.


Prolly. And fur-lined handcuffs...

She said no to the handcuffs...


Where do the lights go when the lights go out?

The lights remain where they are, you just can't see them anymore.


Grandpa...given that there is radiant heat, is there radiant cold too ?

No, cold sucks heat.

[Mort]

Is this you ?

<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8-0J4SHJdvY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

[MSTRS]

She said no to the handcuffs...


She's not a very good dominatrix then. Would you like me to have a word?

[Edbear]

Grandpa... Are we there yet......? :wait:

If you are where you wish to be, the answer is, "Yes", but if you are not where you wish to be the answer depends on whether you are where someone else wants you to be or not. If you are, then the answer is, "Yes", if you are neither where you want to be nor where someone else wants you to be, then the answer is "No."

[Edbear]

Is this you ?

<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8-0J4SHJdvY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

No, he is a much better dancer than I am, although i do consider myself much better looking than he is.


She's not a very good dominatrix then. Would you like me to have a word?

She likes to give me a free hand...

[The Singing Chef]

Dear Grandpa,

I have a few questions for you:

1. What is the most effective way to cook foods and retain most of the nutrients?

2. Where are all of the treasures in Uncharted 3: Drakes' deception?

3. Why can you not set water on fire if the breakdown of water includes

- Hydrogen (Flammable)
- Oxygen (Air source for fire)

and you have a heat source to set them on fire?

Cheers.

[Edbear]

Dear Grandpa,

I have a few questions for you:

1. What is the most effective way to cook foods and retain most of the nutrients?

2. Where are all of the treasures in Uncharted 3: Drakes' deception?

3. Why can you not set water on fire if the breakdown of water includes

- Hydrogen (Flammable)
- Oxygen (Air source for fire)

and you have a heat source to set them on fire?

Cheers.

1/ A pressure cooker.

2/ They are hidden within the game and you must find them.

3/ Compounds, which are two or more elements combined, form a new element without the individual properties of the original ingredients.

Water is basically burnt Hydrogen. Oxygen is not flammable, it is a facilitator of burning called an Oxidiser. The waste product of a Hydrogen fuelled engine is water.

[The Singing Chef]

1/ A pressure cooker.

2/ They are hidden within the game and you must find them.

3/ Compounds, which are two or more elements combined, form a new element without the individual properties of the original ingredients.

Water is basically burnt Hydrogen. Oxygen is not flammable, it is a facilitator of burning called an Oxidiser. The waste product of a Hydrogen fuelled engine is water.

1. is actually a Microwave.

But the rest are good.

[Edbear]

1. is actually a Microwave.

But the rest are good.

Sorry you are wrong, here is a quote from the Journal of the Science of Food and Agriculture...

"... researchers investigated effects of various means of cooking broccoli. Up to 97 percent of certain antioxidant compounds were destroyed by microwaving, while steaming the broccoli caused only 11 percent loss. Therefore, any cooking that minimizes the time, temperature, and water will help to preserve nutrients. Pressure cooking under steam is one of the methods best because it minimizes time and requires little water."

[Subike]

1. is actually a Microwave.

But the rest are good.

microwave modern warfare on uncooked things, fast cheap bland to the taste
pressure cooker old school grandpa tec, slow but better tasting

[The Singing Chef]

Sorry you are wrong, here is a quote from the Journal of the Science of Food and Agriculture...

"... researchers investigated effects of various means of cooking broccoli. Up to 97 percent of certain antioxidant compounds were destroyed by microwaving, while steaming the broccoli caused only 11 percent loss. Therefore, any cooking that minimizes the time, temperature, and water will help to preserve nutrients. Pressure cooking under steam is one of the methods best because it minimizes time and requires little water."

Yes but that only test for a select amount of antioxidant compounds in brocolli. Any other foods or nutrients lost?

[The Singing Chef]

microwave modern warfare on uncooked things, fast cheap bland to the taste
pressure cooker old school grandpa tec, slow but better tasting

Slow is usually the best method, depending on what food you use. But it allows all of the natural sugars in the food to caramelise.

[Edbear]

Yes but that only test for a select amount of antioxidant compounds in brocolli. Any other foods or nutrients lost?

Microwaving of foods is a safe and effective method of retaining the goodness overall of the food cooked. It compares well with pressure cooking and mostly is a matter of swings and roundabouts.

Some may disagree, as there is much controversy about the different methods with some quoting some studies and others quoting another that seems to show slightly different results. However in general, pressure cooking is regarded as about the best method of cooking a wide variety of foods including meat and vegetables to retain their flavour and inherent goodness.

[huff3r]

How does one become a two? Is it even possible? Can one become a four or even a five? This one has great aspirations...

[Edbear]

How does one become a two? Is it even possible? Can one become a four or even a five? This one has great aspirations...

Either by splitting or adding.

Aspirations are fine if one understands that attitude more than aptitude determines altitude and effort beats laziness.

[huff3r]

Either by splitting or adding.

Aspirations are fine if one understands that attitude more than aptitude determines altitude and effort beats laziness.

Hmm... so how far could one get with brains and laziness? I'm not much of an "effort" person...

[slofox]

Hmm... so how far could one get with brains and laziness? I'm not much of an "effort" person...

I had brains and laziness. It got me fuck all...

[Edbear]

I had brains and laziness. It got me fuck all...

The sharpest knife never cuts in the block.

[nzspokes]

Why are not motorbike shops open on Sundays?

[Edbear]

Why are not motorbike shops open on Sundays?

They don't want to...

[Grumph]

Yes.




No, cold sucks heat.

Then it must radiate it's attraction for heat ?

[Edbear]

Then it must radiate it's attraction for heat ?

To radiate means to emit energy, esp. light or heat by rays or waves. Cold is a lack of heat.

[hellokitty]

Grandpa, if a dog farts in the wood, and no one is there to smell it? Is it a bad dog?

[curly]

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

[FJRider]

Either by splitting or adding.

Aspirations are fine if one understands that attitude more than aptitude determines altitude and effort beats laziness.

Or by Multiplication ... hence: "Go Forth and multiply" ...

[Virago]

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

http://technocarehub.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Who-came-first-chicken-or-egg-mystery-Solved-276x300.jpg

[Edbear]

Grandpa, if a dog farts in the wood, and no one is there to smell it? Is it a bad dog?

No, if a dog doesn't fart it will die.


What came first, the chicken or the egg?

The chicken. Trust me on this.


Or by Multiplication ... hence: "Go Forth and multiply" ...

Multiplication is adding but faster. Making babies is all about adding then splitting.

[far queue]

1. What don't steam rollers roll steam?
2. Why don't chain smokers smoke chains?

[FJRider]

Multiplication is adding but faster. Making babies is all about adding then splitting.

It depends on the formula used ...

One plus one equals TWO (everybody knows THAT)

One ON one MAY ... end in three ... and entirely where one is inserted.

[Virago]

I wear black or grey almost exclusively. Why is my belly-button fluff blue...?

[Edbear]

1. What don't steam rollers roll steam?
2. Why don't chain smokers smoke chains?

English is a wonderful language. Steam rollers are actually powered by steam and chain smokers should have their's pulled.

[Edbear]

I wear black or grey almost exclusively. Why is my belly-button fluff blue...?

Your eyes deceive you.

[Bikemad]

how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[avgas]

Grandpa,
How far is too far?

[Edbear]

how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A Woodchuck would chuck just as much wood as a Woodchuck could chuck, if a Woodchuck could chuck wood. And your age is showing.


Grandpa,
How far is too far?

Just past far enough.

[avgas]

Grandpa,
Who was your favorite dinosaur?

[Edbear]

Grandpa,
Who was your favorite dinosaur?

My grandpa...

[avgas]

My grandpa...
YOU HAD A GRANDPA :gob:

[Laava]

Dear Grandpa, I lust after a Hyosung Aquila. Should I cut my arse off and put it on my face?

[Edbear]

YOU HAD A GRANDPA :gob:

A long time ago in a land far away...


Dear Grandpa, I lust after a Hyosung Aquila. Should I cut my arse off and put it on my face?

Only if it will be an improvement. First ask your Mum.

[willytheekid]

Grandpa
....if money is the root of all evil:(
http://static.neatoshop.com/images/product/37/437/Money-is-the-Root-of-All-Evil_2577-l.jpg
...why can't we just get rid of it?:wait:

...are we as a species to dumb to find a way how?...or are those in power just to greedy to want to?





ohh....and why do I keep catching my dog licking bugs off my bike??...is he disgusting?...hungry?...or just simple?:drool:

thanks GP...and happy Newyear ;)

[Edbear]

Grandpa
....if money is the root of all evil:(
http://static.neatoshop.com/images/product/37/437/Money-is-the-Root-of-All-Evil_2577-l.jpg
...why can't we just get rid of it?:wait:

...are we as a species to dumb to find a way how?...or are those in power just to greedy to want to?





ohh....and why do I keep catching my dog licking bugs off my bike??...is he disgusting?...hungry?...or just simple?:drool:

thanks GP...and happy Newyear ;)

That saying is actually a misquote of scripture which says "For the love of money is at the root of evil and by reaching out for this love many have stabbed themselves over with many pains." James said, "We are drawn out and enticed by our own desires..." As with all temptation it is not the fault of the thing desired but our own desire and lack of self-control that leads us to problems.

Your dog is being a dog and if he is in a loving environment he will happily make a fool of himself for your entertainment.

As for new year? So far, so good...

[MSTRS]

...Making babies is all about adding then splitting.

Is this why the Kiwi (male) eats roots, shoots and leaves?

[Edbear]

Is this why the Kiwi (male) eats roots, shoots and leaves?

Although I was speaking in physiological terms, your metaphorical application of the fact is often accurate to the detriment of said males and their offspring.

Raising a child is such a rewarding experience I only wish I could do it all again knowing what I now know.

[avgas]

http://static.neatoshop.com/images/product/37/437/Money-is-the-Root-of-All-Evil_2577-l.jpg
That is a horrible formula.
i = sqrt(-1)
Length (l) has nothing to do with money unless this is the porn industry. Which could explain the natural exponent (e). But having a natural exponent with a nonlinear voltage (Vi) would not be recommended on a wang.
As for it being an undefined root, this sounds like a horrible porno.......I wouldn't take the money if I were you.

[BigAl]

Dear Grandpa,

Which brand of motorcycle is the best and why?

[curly]

Grandpa...
How come alot of cruiser riders don't wave?

[Bikemad]

Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

[haydes55]

254137

Dear Grandpa, is it possible to look cool on a scooter?

[Edbear]

Dear Grandpa,

Which brand of motorcycle is the best and why?

There are no best brands as each brand has its own personality and features that appeal to different people for different reasons. Due to the fact that we are all unique, just like everyone else, it is like asking which nationality of female is best. What spins your wheels may stick in the craw of another.


Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

No, if you think that is true, please don't dress as a clown in cannibal territory. It is a rumour to get more clowns into the pot.


254137

Dear Grandpa, is it possible to look cool on a scooter?

Yes, in the snow...-

[FJRider]

Today I was stopped by a police officer. As I was over the "tolerance" ... I was supprised he only wanted to inform me of oil (or diesol) on the road ahead "at the speed I was going, I may have had trouble avoiding ..."

Could REAL policemen do this ... ???

[wickle]

Dear Grandpa, as you are older How cum older woman that pursue younger men are called cat names, but if a older guy takes out a younger woman he's classed as "A Dirty old man"

[caspernz]

Dear Grandpa, as you are older How cum older woman that pursue younger men are called cat names, but if a older guy takes out a younger woman he's classed as "A Dirty old man"

On a smiliar note, if a younger woman pursues an older man, what is she called?

[slofox]

On a smiliar note, if a younger woman pursues an older man, what is she called?

Grave robber, innit?

[FJRider]

On a smiliar note, if a younger woman pursues an older man, what is she called?

Darling ... ???? :innocent:

[Edbear]

Today I was stopped by a police officer. As I was over the "tolerance" ... I was supprise he only wanted to inform me of oil (or diesol) on the road ahead "at the speed I was going, I may have had trouble avoiding ..."

Could REAL policemen do this ... ???

No he was a fake, real Policemen don't do that. A real Policeman would have ticketed you and claimed he was saving you from yourself...


Dear Grandpa, as you are older How cum older woman that pursue younger men are called cat names, but if a older guy takes out a younger woman he's classed as "A Dirty old man"

Speaking for myself, I look at these gorgeous young things and think what a beautiful child, as they are younger than my youngest daughter. Older men who pursue these young things are thinking with their dicks and have little regard for their future when they are wanting to go to bed and sleep and their young bride is wanting to go and party. They are doomed generally to see thier relationship fail in a short time as the young woman realises that money isn't everything afterall.


On a smiliar note, if a younger woman pursues an older man, what is she called?

Gold-digger or seeking a Sugar Daddy.

[Oakie]

Dear Grandpa.

All my friends have an 8 inch penis but I don't. They make fun of me and say I should have an operation so I too can have an 8 inch penis like them. I don't want an operation ... I mean why should I chop 2 inches off mine just to be like them. What should I do?

[Edbear]

Dear Grandpa.

All my friends have an 8 inch penis but I don't. They. make fun of me and say I should have an operation so I too can have an 8 inch penis like them. I don't want an operation ... I mean why should I chop 2 inches off mine just to be like them. What should I do?

You are confusing centermeters with inches. Turn the ruler over

[Edbear]

Grandpa...
How come alot of cruiser riders don't wave?

Same reasons a lot of riders don't wave. Too stuck up, too tired, didn't notice you waving, hanging on for dear life...

[oneofsix]

Same reasons a lot of riders don't wave. Too stuck up, too tired, didn't notice you waving, hanging on for dear life...

I generally put it down to the last one, especially with HDs. Although I have noticed more waving these days so perhaps the handling has improved.

[Edbear]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Edbear again.

LOL thanks

Hi Sweety! Howza you two?


I generally put it down to the last one, especially with HDs. Although I have noticed more waving these days so perhaps the handling has improved.

Not so much the handling as the vibrations. These days on a Harley if you take a hand off the bar it will still be about where you left it, so you don't spend the next few miles trying to catch it again...

[Bikemad]

hey pops.........how many fingers am i holding up?
i'm thinking of a number between 1 and 9.........which one?

[nzspokes]

Is Red Baron in Auck open today?

Why did my tail light decide to die on a rainy night?

[Edbear]

hey pops.........how many fingers am i holding up?
i'm thinking of a number between 1 and 9.........which one?

My eyesight isn't what it used to be, you'll have to stand closer.


Is Red Baron in Auck open today?

Why did my tail light decide to die on a rainy night?

Barring unforseen occurances, or New Years Day holidays, Red Baron is due to be open today.

Tail lights always die on a rainy night. Murphy made that a rule of tail lights many years ago.

[Subike]

Grandpa,
Is it morally right for me to date my sons, wife's, mother?

[Edbear]

Grandpa,
Is it morally right for me to date my sons, wife's, mother?

If neither of you are married, morals don't come into this question. You may wish to take into account the feelings of your son and daughter-in-law and any other children involved.

Morality, per se, is generally based upon scriptural principles and as more of the world turns away from the Bible as a guide, the morality of something becomes less of an issue. People still do, however have a feeling for what it proper and what is not, and this is replacing scriptural morality, the standards of which are considered either too high or out of date by many today.

This is mainly, and almost exclusively, because people wish to be free of any restrictions on their sexual desires and preferences.

[nzspokes]

Barring unforseen occurances, or New Years Day holidays, Red Baron is due to be open today.



Sweet, im going to look at the FJ they have.

Why do ear plugs wear out so quick?

[MSTRS]

Morality, per se, is generally based upon scriptural principles and as more of the world turns away from the Bible as a guide, the morality of something becomes less of an issue. People still do, however have a feeling for what it proper and what is not, and this is replacing scriptural morality, the standards of which are considered either too high or out of date by many today.

This is mainly, and almost exclusively, because people wish to be free of any restrictions on their sexual desires and preferences.

And since the world is running out of fossil fuels, is the old saying "Going to Hell in a handcart" a silly statement or a prediction?

[nzspokes]

If neither of you are married, morals don't come into this question. You may wish to take into account the feelings of your son and daughter-in-law and any other children involved.

Morality, per se, is generally based upon scriptural principles and as more of the world turns away from the Bible as a guide, the morality of something becomes less of an issue. People still do, however have a feeling for what it proper and what is not, and this is replacing scriptural morality, the standards of which are considered either too high or out of date by many today.

This is mainly, and almost exclusively, because people wish to be free of any restrictions on their sexual desires and preferences.

Only worth doing if shes hot. :cool:

[Subike]

Only worth doing if shes hot. :cool:

something better
she rides her own bike
and owns a house!

So grandpa,
The same question from the biblical view, as you have touched on in your replay

[jellywrestler]

Why do the Flintstones celebrate Xmas, yet they were born 2000BC?

[Edbear]

Sweet, im going to look at the FJ they have.

Why do ear plugs wear out so quick?

I hope you read my post correctly...

Ear plugs don't normally wear out, they become yucky due to ear wax build up.


And since the world is running out of fossil fuels, is the old saying "Going to Hell in a handcart" a silly statement or a prediction?

It is a metaphore.


something better
she rides her own bike
and owns a house!

So grandpa,
The same question from the biblical view, as you have touched on in your replay

Even from the Biblical view, this remains a personal decision, not a moral one as long as you are both free to marry.

Dating, from the Biblical view, is the getting to know someone with the view to marriage. Sexual activity is prohibited prior to marriage, it can lead to unwanted pregnancy and other problems should you decide she is not the one for you..

[Edbear]

Why do the Flintstones celebrate Xmas, yet they were born 2000BC?

Movie and program makers are rarely concerned with historical accuracy and being American, everyone celebrates Xmas whether they like it or not..

[Bikemad]

missionary or doggie style grandpa

[Edbear]

missionary or doggie style grandpa

Do you mean from the Bible's view? The Bible is silent on the matter of sex between married couples, but to say, "Render to each their due and do not be depriving each other of it except by mutual consent." The only prohibition is Sodomy which is regarded as disgusting.

Regarding husband and wife, the scriptures say, "May her breasts intoxicate you and with her love may you be in an ecstacy constantly." Naturally one would be very considerate of one's mate's needs and wants and not seek one's own satisfaction to the detriment of one's mate.

[curly]

Grandpa...
How do I stop the neighbours cats(5 of them) from taking dumps outside my bedroom window?
Do you know what it's like to wake to the smell of cat shit?

[Edbear]

Grandpa...
How do I stop the neighbours cats(5 of them) from taking dumps outside my bedroom window?
Do you know what it's like to wake to the smell of cat shit?

I suggest taking a position with a Supersoaker and ambushing them at night, or a horrible gargoyle outfit and scaring the living daylights out of them. This may take a couple of nights but should have a definite effect. In the extreme you could set cage traps and return them to the neighbour in the traps complete with their dung.

Another option is to put a fine electric wire around where they defecate, hooked up to an electric fence unit.

[nzspokes]

Grandpa I have found you to be wrong.

Red Baron is not open today.

[Edbear]

Grandpa I have found you to be wrong.

Red Baron is not open today.

As I said, I hope you read my post correctly... :rolleyes:

[MSTRS]

Grandpa I have found you to be wrong.

Red Baron is not open today.

Grandpa said he would answer all your questions. He did not say his answer would be right...

[Edbear]

Grandpa said he would answer all your questions. He did not say his answer would be right...

It was a test to see if he would read the post correctly, unfortunately I was right and he failed...:lol:

[Bikemad]

Do you mean from the Bible's view?
no i don't..............now come on........you have a whole other thread to put forward that point of view.............
butter or margerine???

[MSTRS]

It was a test to see if he would read the post correctly, unfortunately I was right and he failed...:lol:

A bit like selling tampons - and not mentioning there are no strings attached...eh?

[Edbear]

no i don't..............now come on........you have a whole other thread to put forward that point of view.............
butter or margerine???

Ahh, I see what you mean... There are more options than those... of the two the missionary is more rewarding.

I prefer butter, myself...

[MSTRS]

... the missionary is more rewarding.
...

Is that why so many of them ended up in the cooking pot?

[Edbear]

Is that why so many of them ended up in the cooking pot?

The cannibals figured they were more value as food than as teachers...

[curly]

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

[Edbear]

Grandpa said he would answer all your questions. He did not say his answer would be right...

I'm still waiting for someone to pull me up on post 120...:msn-wink:

[Edbear]

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

A Broker is a third person or firm that facilitates a transaction between two parties and takes their fee, wether a percentage or fixed amount for their services.

Unfortunately the connotations of the title due to its sound, have also proven true far too often as people have lost everything due to the incompetence or misfortunes of said Broker, leaving the customer definitely broker.

[nzspokes]

As I said, I hope you read my post correctly... :rolleyes:

Well I did. Its not a retail holiday today. Our shops are open.

Shame for them really as when I went there were 8 people looking through the windows. Guess motorcycle retail is doing well at the moment then.

Cycletreads was pumping. :cool:

[Edbear]

Well I did. Its not a retail holiday today. Our shops are open.

Shame for them really as when I went there were 8 people looking through the windows. Guess motorcycle retail is doing well at the moment then.

Cycletreads was pumping. :cool:

With the economic climate as it is, many shops are making the most of very day they can open.

[nzspokes]

With the economic climate as it is, many shops are making the most of very day they can open.

So why dont they open?

[nadroj]

The cannibals figured they were more value as food than as teachers...

Does that mean I am a cannibal?

[Edbear]

So why dont they open?

They must have their reasons, and as it is a holiday today and tomorrow they may well feel they need the time off. I suggest registering a complaint with their Customer Services dept.


Does that mean I am a cannibal?

Have you eaten a missionary lately?

[FJRider]

So why dont they open?

At THIS time of year ... they make the most of the time they are closed.

[Bikemad]

Have you eaten a missionary lately?

OI..............we ask the questions in here fella

[pritch]

Dear Grandpa,

When I wake up in the morning I ... opps - sorry this isn't the LOA forum.



When I used to wake up i the morning there was one part of me that was stiff.
Now when I wake up that bit isn't stiff - but the rest of me is.

[MSTRS]

I'm still waiting for someone to pull me up on post 120...:msn-wink:

One'd have to be there to know whether the ruler needed turning over. And just what do Kings, Queens and Missionaries have in common re their positions?

[Edbear]

One'd have to be there to know whether the ruler needed turning over. And just what do Kings, Queens and Missionaries have in common re their positions?

'Twas the spelling I was waiting for... I like to spell a word incorrectly so that it looks wrong but sounds right to see how many I can confuse enough that they have to look it up... :scratch:

[curly]

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

[superman]

'Twas the spelling I was waiting for... I like to spell a word incorrectly so that it looks wrong but sounds right to see how many I can confuse enough that they have to look it up... :scratch:

You are a cruel and unusual man! :niceone:

[MSTRS]

You forget that I am a founding member of the BDOTGNZA, so the relative positions of e's and r's (tee hee) and what they replaced was not lost on me. It is not like you, however, to have missed the subtlety contained in my post above...
Are you feeling ok?

[Edbear]

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Again it is down to the definition of the word as against its sound and connotation in the wonderful language we call "English." Practice can be both a noun and a verb. You could say the Practitioner was practicing in his Practice.


You are a cruel and unusual man! :niceone:

I do try...


You forget that I am a founding member of the BDOTGNZA, so the relative positions of e's and r's (tee hee) and what they replaced was not lost on me. It is not like you, however, to have missed the subtlety contained in my post above...
Are you feeling ok?

Aha, I caught even you! How does one spell centimeter..? Oh, wait... :rolleyes:

[Edbear]

One'd have to be there to know whether the ruler needed turning over. And just what do Kings, Queens and Missionaries have in common re their positions?

They like being looked up to...:msn-wink:

[MSTRS]

They like being looked up to...:msn-wink:

Surely it is more a case of lying down on the job?

[Edbear]

Surely it is more a case of lying down on the job?

Yup, they like being looked up to when lying down... :innocent:

[MSTRS]

I think we can drop the 'down' part, don't you?

[Edbear]

I think we can drop the 'down' part, don't you?

I suppose we could drop down...

[nadroj]

They must have their reasons, and as it is a holiday today and tomorrow they may well feel they need the time off. I suggest registering a complaint with their Customer Services dept.



Have you eaten missionary lately?

Yes !

[tri boy]

Dear Granpa, Why do Magpies shit on my freshly painted gate?
I know they are Aussies, but that behavour is just rude.
Also, since my best efforts oftrapping them has failed, please inform me of the best firearm to send them back to hell with. (im picking a shotty).

And wheres me new bike, I wrote you a fecking letter, and ..................

[Edbear]

Dear Granpa, Why do Magpies shit on my freshly painted gate?
I know they are Aussies, but that behavour is just rude.
Also, since my best efforts oftrapping them has failed, please inform me of the best firearm to send them back to hell with. (im picking a shotty).

And wheres me new bike, I wrote you a fecking letter, and ..................

The Magpies very much appreciate your providing them with a convenient roost. Magpies would consider it rude not to poop all over it.

Whilst a .22 is the preferred firearm using shorts avoids the probability that your poor aim does not go too far beyond the target. A silencer also means you could shoot several before they realised their mates weren't falling off due to fatigue...

You must be confusing me with Santa Claus... I'm the Grinch...

[wickle]

Dear Grandad,

I have noticed that a high number of drivers of late model muscle cars( Clubsports. Ford V8's) are perso's of small statue can you please explain this mystrey?

[Edbear]

Dear Grandad,

I have noticed that a high number of drivers of late model muscle cars( Clubsports. Ford V8's) are perso's of small statue can you please explain this mystrey?

It's not such a mystery when you realise they are also older men, men who couldn't aspire to such cars when they were young, strong and virile. Buying them now, as they are shrinking with age is an attempt to re-create their youth and vigour.

Now, while the cars are certainly youthful and vigorous, the aging owners, sadly, are way beyond any hope of being so. Therefore, when you meet an owner of a late model muscle car and look down on his wizened face and stature, be gentle with him... :yes:

[MSTRS]

It's not such a mystery when you realise they are also older men, men who couldn't aspire to such cars when they were young, strong and virile. Buying them now, as they are shrinking with age is an attempt to re-create their youth and vigour.

Now, while the cars are certainly youthful and vigorous, the aging owners, sadly, are way beyond any hope of being so. Therefore, when you meet an owner of a late model muscle car and look down on his wizened face and stature, be gentle with him... :yes:

...as you ask if you can take it for a spin, and "Can I have the keys" ??

[schrodingers cat]

Grandpa, where does the old sun go at the end of the day?
How many new ones are there left?
If the earth is truely flat then why is my house up a hill?

[Edbear]

Grandpa, where does the old sun go at the end of the day?
How many new ones are there left?
If the earth is truely flat then why is my house up a hill?

Like all good boys the Sun goes down at night so as to be able to rise afresh each morning. We should all take a lesson from the Sun. Radiate warmth to all you meet during the day and go to bed to sleep at night for early to bed, early to rise, makes one healthy, wealthy and wise.

You have been misled my dear boy. The Earth is a funny roundish shape much like a pregnant belly or a man's midde-age spread. Think of it as a basket ball complete with knobbles and dimples. Your house is built on a knobble...

[schrodingers cat]

Thank you Grandpa. It would be better if it were built on a nipple tho wouldn't it? Cause then it would be easy to get up

[Edbear]

Thank you Grandpa. It would be better if it were built on a nipple tho wouldn't it? Cause then it would be easy to get up

True enough, but then you might never want to get off again...

[curly]

How do you tell an egg is rotten? (without cracking it open, going eww, poo, PHWOAR:puke::puke:).

[Ntoxcated]

How does a blind person know when to stop wiping? Scratch 'n' sniff?

[Edbear]

How do you tell an egg is rotten? (without cracking it open, going eww, poo, PHWOAR:puke::puke:).

Place the egg in a pot of water, if it floats it's a bad egg.


How does a blind person know when to stop wiping? Scratch 'n' sniff?

Instinked...

[Edbear]

...as you ask if you can take it for a spin, and "Can I have the keys" ??

Aging lotharios in new muscle cars rarely allow anyone else to drive them, lest they get scratched. They generally only allow young ladies the pleasure of a ride in their cars with the hopeful view to another type if ride.

This also rarely works as the attractive young things only want to show their boyfriends how good they'd look in one... :yes:

[MSTRS]

Somehow an MX5 doesn't comply, so just how do you know such a thing?

[Edbear]

Somehow an MX5 doesn't comply, so just how do you know such a thing?

Grandpa knows... :cool:

[ellipsis]

....Grandpa, on my return journey from racing in Nelson I noticed a lack of speed and idiocy from almost 99% of all road users over a 500 km (approx) journey...was I dreaming... and why is it that every one of the very few dickheads doing in excess of the stated speed limits get to pass you at least three times but still seem to be only three or four car lengths in front of you when the final destination is almost reached...

[Edbear]

Hmm... so how far could one get with brains and laziness? I'm not much of an "effort" person...

About to the end of the couch...


OI..............we ask the questions in here fella

Ask away!


When I used to wake up i the morning there was one part of me that was stiff.
Now when I wake up that bit isn't stiff - but the rest of me is.

I feel sorry for you, all of me is stiff. Mind you waking up next to Grandma is a pleasure I never will tire of, unless she's dead of course... or I am...


....Grandpa, on my return journey from racing in Nelson I noticed a lack of speed and idiocy from almost 99% of all road users over a 500 km (approx) journey...was I dreaming... and why is it that every one of the very few dickheads doing in excess of the stated speed limits get to pass you at least three times but still seem to be only three or four car lengths in front of you when the final destination is almost reached...

The banging of the Popo's heads on brick walls is getting through to many drivers and they are in fact driving better these days. Not more competently, sadly but slower and more patient in general.

We will contiunue to see a widening of the gap between the more considerate drivers and the impatient ones.

Those who pass you several times do so for two reasons. They are either impatient and some take risks they shouldn't due to anger and frustration, or they simply want to drive faster than the surrounding traffic. Few, if any, consider the comfort of their passengers and think they are really good drivers/riders. These ones also make up a disproportionate percentage of deaths.

Eventually most do understand that the time for the trip is about the same either way, and little is actually gained, but it takes maturity and a relaxed atitude to work with that rule. At my age I am content to wait until a safe overtaking situation comes along and I enjoy giving the car a squirt in a safe and relatively traffic=free environment for my jollies.

[scissorhands]

A girlfriend is super slutty and fucks half my so called 'friends'

I'm not made that way, what should I do?

[Edbear]

A girlfriend is super slutty and fucks half my so called 'friends'

I'm not made that way, what should I do?

You say, "A" girlfriend as though you have more than one in which case she is merely a lay and not a real girlfriend. If you want a real girlfriend you must cease all frivolous liasons and search for a girl you would want to spend your life with.

Be aware of which head is making your decisions and let the bigger one on your shoulders take over.

Do not accept in a girl the level of standard you would not accept in yourself.

[avgas]

A girlfriend is super slutty and fucks half my so called 'friends'

I'm not made that way, what should I do?
Eat a feijoa.

[Maha]

Hey Gramps...why do some people use the word (in type and vocally) 'texted'?...when the word does not exist?

[Edbear]

Hey Gramps...why do some people use the word (in type and vocally) 'texted'?...when the word does not exist?

Sadly, many, if not most people these days, are barely literate and have no real idea of the English language, words and their meanings.

So many are completely oblivious to the difference between such words as "there", "they're" and "their" for example; or "break" and "brake".

I predicted the total breakdown of the language back when my youngest daughter was at school and the teacher was not allowed to correct her spelling and phonetic spelling was accepted.

Nowadays it is seemigly rare to find someone who does know how to speak, spell and write English. Sadly, more so, is the fact that most seem to not care whether they are right or wrong.

I am convinced that the reason English has changed so much, unrecognisabley so, over the centuries is simply that people are lazy and unwilling to be taught or corrected, or have not been taught correctly in the first place. Thus word meanings are changed and new words come into existence.

[FJRider]

Hey Gramps...why do some people use the word (in type and vocally) 'texted'?...when the word does not exist?

That is only your version of reality ...

[blue rider]

Hey Gramps...why do some people use the word (in type and vocally) 'texted'?...when the word does not exist?

they like to make up words....in absence of "real" words?

Hey Grandpa,

what happened to summer? i was told down under it is going to be hot hot hot in January, why do I not feel it?

[Edbear]

they like to make up words....in absence of "real" words?

Hey Grandpa,

what happened to summer? i was told down under it is going to be hot hot hot in January, why do I not feel it?

Don't believe everything you are told. :baby:

Still, January has only just begun, there is time to see whether your down under friend was right or not.

[ducatilover]

Grandpa?

When you put bread in a toaster, where does it go before the toast comes out?

Why am I incapable of finding employment?

Third and final, I feel I need a turbo on my bike, is this a good idea?

[Edbear]

Grandpa?

When you put bread in a toaster, where does it go before the toast comes out?

Why am I incapable of finding employment?

Third and final, I feel I need a turbo on my bike, is this a good idea?

A/ The common or garden toaster is an amazing piece of machinery, capable of turning all kinds of bread into toast of varying degrees of colour and crispness. It takes a highly skilled person to operate one effectively as many will complain their toast is unevenly cooked, undercooked, overcooked or charcoal.

One must at all times first check the timer as the previous person to use it will indoubtedly have changed the setting onto an obscure time that bears little resemblance to the desired or finished product.

The bread doesn't actually go anywhere as you can discover if you don't mind burnt eyebrows to peer into it while it is cooking. You can actually watch the bread burning before your eyes.

B/ You live in Bunnythorpe, nuff said... :rolleyes:

C/ Yes it is a good idea, but not as good as simply getting a more powerful bike which will be far more cost effective and reliable. :cool:

[ducatilover]

A/ The common or garden toaster is an amazing piece of machinery, capable of turning all kinds of bread into toast of varying degrees of colour and crispness. It takes a highly skilled person to operate one effectively as many will complain their toast is unevenly cooked, undercooked, overcooked or charcoal.

One must at all times first check the timer as the previous person to use it will indoubtedly have changed the setting onto an obscure time that bears little resemblance to the desired or finished product.

The bread doesn't actually go anywhere as you can discover if you don't mind burnt eyebrows to peer into it while it is cooking. You can actually watch the bread burning before your eyes.

B/ You live in Bunnythorpe, nuff said... :rolleyes:

C/ Yes it is a good idea, but not as good as simply getting a more powerful bike which will be far more cost effective and reliable. :cool:

Thanks Grandpa!
I like the answer to C, but, I will ignore it :lol:

[Edbear]

Thanks Grandpa!
I like the answer to C, but, I will ignore it :lol:

Of course you will, my dear chap. All I can do is answer your questions. What you make of the answers is your prerogative entirely. :cool:

[ducatilover]

Of course you will, my dear chap. All I can do is answer your questions. What you make of the answers is your prerogative entirely. :cool:

Far too true.


Why, Grandpa, do I feel so knowledgeable after 750ml of vodka stuff? :rolleyes:

[FJRider]

Why, Grandpa, do I feel so knowledgeable after 750ml of vodka stuff? :rolleyes:

Next time ... drink a full litre ... and the answer will be obvious ... :niceone:

[ducatilover]

Next time ... drink a full litre ... and the answer will be obvious ... :niceone:

I don't even like vodka :facepalm: :laugh:

[Edbear]

Far too true.


Why, Grandpa, do I feel so knowledgeable after 750ml of vodka stuff? :rolleyes:

After 750ml of Vodka you are most likely unconscious and dreaming. At these times everyone feels they know everything.

[ducatilover]

After 750ml of Vodka you are most likely unconscious and dreaming. At these times everyone feels they know everything.

Well, it's true Grandpa, I now feel like I know nothing :weird:

[Edbear]

Well, it's true Grandpa, I now feel like I know nothing :weird:

This too will pass... The important thing is that you wake up in the morning eager to find what you may learn during the day and go to sleep at night appreciating what you have learned.

At my age I really appreciate it when I can remember what I have learned...:doh:

[FJRider]

This too will pass... The important thing is that you wake up in the morning eager to find what you may learn during the day and go to sleep at night appreciating what you have learned.

At my age I really appreciate it when I can remember what I have learned...:doh:

At my age ... I'm just happy to wake up ... :shutup:

I often regard the events of the previous day/evening ... just another of lifes little mysterys ... :facepalm:

And seeing as you are older than ME ... :shifty:

[Edbear]

At my age ... I'm just happy to wake up ... :shutup:

I often regard the events of the previous day/evening ... just another of lifes little mysterys ... :facepalm:

And seeing as you are older than ME ... :shifty:

Yes, each morning when I awake I say, "Well, so far so good!" Everything thereafter is a bonus! :niceone:

[Maha]

...why is Southport situated in Englands Northwest?

[Edbear]

...why is Southport situated in Englands Northwest?

Not to do with the location in England itself, but more to do with the local situation. It was founded in 1792 by the establishment of a hotel at the South end of Lord Street, Lancashire. It was a new development among the sand dunes of what has now become a very popular seaside resort with the second longest pier in the British Isles.

[ellipsis]

...i've a thousand questions Grandpa...where do I start....with the query about cheap chocolate fish or the one about why kiwis are like they are and where will it lead us...?

[Edbear]

...i've a thousand questions Grandpa...where do I start....with the query about cheap chocolate fish or the one about why kiwis are like they are and where will it lead us...?

You start at the start and end at the end. You can either lead or be led, the choice is yours my friend. :niceone:

[ellipsis]

...you are very wise Grandpa....

1. a) Why is a chocolate fish pink inside but it doesn't smell like fish...?
b) Does a chocolate fish have a sole-mate...?

[Edbear]

...you are very wise Grandpa....

1. a) Why is a chocolate fish pink inside but it doesn't smell like fish...?
b) Does a chocolate fish have a sole-mate...?

The chocolate fish is a marketing coup. They quickly realised that real men don't eat Pinky bars and they had so much Pinky bar stuff left over they were wondering what to do with it. A bright young apprentice girl was married to a fisherman and you know what fishermen are like so she came up with the idea to cut the Pinky bars into fish shapes and the rest is history.

This bright young lady is now head of marketing...

Sole's are not known to have mates of another species, their views are too one-sided...

[haydes55]

If the virgin Mary was inseminated by god at age 14 does that mean Christianity condones reducing the age of consent?

[ducatilover]

If the virgin Mary was inseminated by god at age 14 does that mean Christianity condones reducing the age of consent?

In Mary's country, there were no age laws.





Ergo, you lose.

[haydes55]

In Mary's country, there were no age laws.





Ergo, you lose.

If you went for a holiday to Japan, and you were offered a root from a 13 year old (legal in Japan), would you?

Still just because there are no laws against it doesn't change the fact that she was 14. If Jesus came back and spent a week in Amsterdam getting baked, it would be safe to say he approves of recreational drug use. I'm sure God is a bit higher up than governments, so although he smokes it legally in Amsterdam, his doing so implies the laws in other countries could be changed.

[Edbear]

If the virgin Mary was inseminated by god at age 14 does that mean Christianity condones reducing the age of consent?


In Mary's country, there were no age laws.

Ergo, you lose.

It is another church fallacy and not what the Bible says. The Catholic church deserves to be shot for the misinformation and ridiculous propaganda t it has spouted. Mary was engaged to Joseph and likely in late teens or early twenty's. She was not inseminated either but God transplanted the life of Christ in human form as an embryo into her womb. God was already Jesus' father, (Coll. 1:15), so did not need to "Father" him again.

The Bible encourages to marry "past the bloom of youth" so means at an age when you have control of your emotions and are reasonably mature. Youth is a time when emotions tend to rule over commonsense and knowledge.


If you went for a holiday to Japan, and you were offered a root from a 13 year old (legal in Japan), would you?

Still just because there are no laws against it doesn't change the fact that she was 14. If Jesus came back and spent a week in Amsterdam getting baked, it would be safe to say he approves of recreational drug use. I'm sure God is a bit higher up than governments, so although he smokes it legally in Amsterdam, his doing so implies the laws in other countries could be changed.

Indeed as you say, God is higher and his laws are for our benefit in order for us to make decisions wisely and avoid bad mistakes. Do not for a moment, accept what your church Pastor may tell you, they usually have little knowledge of scripture but will probably have graduated from Theological College where they study everything but the Bible itself.

[ducatilover]

If you went for a holiday to Japan, and you were offered a root from a 13 year old (legal in Japan), would you? No, I'm not attracted to 13 year old girls, I like women, not toys.


Still just because there are no laws against it doesn't change the fact that she was 14. If Jesus came back and spent a week in Amsterdam getting baked, it would be safe to say he approves of recreational drug use. I'm sure God is a bit higher up than governments, so although he smokes it legally in Amsterdam, his doing so implies the laws in other countries could be changed.
The laws wouldn't have to be changed, the Govt. does not respect or need anything to do with God really.
What's wrong if he had a 14 year old? You find it odd because it's not a societal norm here, the Greeks used to dominate young men while the one doing the dominating was married, that was a societal norm for them, we would think it's odd.

[ellipsis]

...Grandpa, why is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife usually about 10 to 15kgs....

[nzspokes]

How do you trust somebody that thinks your crazy?

[Edbear]

...Grandpa, why is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife usually about 10 to 15kgs....

Usually for the same reason the difference between a beau and a husband is about 25kg...


How do you trust somebody that thinks your crazy?

Trust them. They are probably right but they need to be familiar with crazy to recognise the symptoms, or be a Doctor.

[nzspokes]

or be a Doctor.

Would they need to be a Psychologist not doctor?

[Edbear]

Would they need to be a Psychologist not doctor?

If your Dr. GP thinks you are crazy he will suggest sending you to a Phychiatrist for further investigation. Medical professionals avoid the term crazy as it tends to worry the patient. A Psychiatrist will probe your mind with many questions to ascertain your state of mental health.

In my case I totally confused my Psychiatrist who was left considering his own mental health...:confused:

[blue rider]

dear Opa,

why das the weather always turn to shit in time for the weekend?
And when will summer start?

[scissorhands]

You can either lead or be led, the choice is yours my friend. :niceone:

Where will that lead us? If NZ is a country of sheeple, who should lead them.

[MSTRS]

It is another church fallacy and not what the Bible says. The Catholic church deserves to be shot for the misinformation and ridiculous propaganda t it has spouted. Mary was engaged to Joseph and likely in late teens or early twenty's. She was not inseminated either but God transplanted the life of Christ in human form as an embryo into her womb. God was already Jesus' father, (Coll. 1:15), so did not need to "Father" him again.


Do any of us absolutely believe all that we read? No? Interesting...

This Bible, that has caused so much - trouble - is just the writings of man. I say 'man' because in the patriarchal society that spawned this collection of stories, no-one took any notice of women, apart from the obvious, and therefore would consider few their utterings important enough to write down.

What does Grandpa have to say about the theory that unmarried women were considered virgins, even if not technically so. If Joseph and Mary indulged in a little heavy petting (not unlikely, let's face it), and with or without any penetration Mary was the recipient of a little juice in or about her interesting bits, she could have become pregnant.
Now, in those god-fearing superstitious times, an excellent story to explain this awkward situation would of course be to say "God did it".

[Scuba_Steve]

Heres one for ya Gramps... How do I fix my bikes :crybaby:

[blue rider]

Do any of us absolutely believe all that we read? No? Interesting...

This Bible, that has caused so much - trouble - is just the writings of man. I say 'man' because in the patriarchal society that spawned this collection of stories, no-one took any notice of women, apart from the obvious, and therefore would consider few their utterings important enough to write down.

What does Grandpa have to say about the theory that unmarried women were considered virgins, even if not technically so. If Joseph and Mary indulged in a little heavy petting (not unlikely, let's face it), and with or without any penetration Mary was the recipient of a little juice in or about her interesting bits, she could have become pregnant.
Now, in those god-fearing superstitious times, an excellent story to explain this awkward situation would of course be to say "God did it".


you are generous in hoping/believing she actually consented and had fun.....in the little heavy petting.

what if someone had their way with her (which is quite a like scenario) and having to choose between a little lie and stoning for adultery.....

God did it - seems like an easy way out.


Which God, yours? Mine? Theirs?

[Bikemad]

hey there pops..................black holes in space............i presume God created them.............whats their purpose?

[scissorhands]

hey there pops..................black holes in space............i presume God created them.............whats their purpose?

To test our faith, like dinosaur fossils

[MSTRS]

hey there pops..................black holes in space............i presume God created them.............whats their purpose?

Spooky...
http://unfollowingjesus.com/files/2011/01/164778_501518586305_508871305_6003663_6928919_n.jp g

[Edbear]

dear Opa,

why das the weather always turn to shit in time for the weekend?
And when will summer start?

Humankind is frequently out of step with the weather and environment and whether it rains for the weekend is a lottery due to our inflexible lifestyle. We should live more flexibly to take advantage of weather that does not stick to our weekly calendar. However the forecast is for rain today but a fine weekend.

[Edbear]

Where will that lead us? If NZ is a country of sheeple, who should lead them.


Do any of us absolutely believe all that we read? No? Interesting...

This Bible, that has caused so much - trouble - is just the writings of man. I say 'man' because in the patriarchal society that spawned this collection of stories, no-one took any notice of women, apart from the obvious, and therefore would consider few their utterings important enough to write down.

What does Grandpa have to say about the theory that unmarried women were considered virgins, even if not technically so. If Joseph and Mary indulged in a little heavy petting (not unlikely, let's face it), and with or without any penetration Mary was the recipient of a little juice in or about her interesting bits, she could have become pregnant.
Now, in those god-fearing superstitious times, an excellent story to explain this awkward situation would of course be to say "God did it".


Heres one for ya Gramps... How do I fix my bikes :crybaby:


you are generous in hoping/believing she actually consented and had fun.....in the little heavy petting.

what if someone had their way with her (which is quite a like scenario) and having to choose between a little lie and stoning for adultery.....

God did it - seems like an easy way out.


Which God, yours? Mine? Theirs?


hey there pops..................black holes in space............i presume God created them.............whats their purpose?

Hi guys I 'm in Taupo for the weekend so I will answer all your questions when I get back. Do have a great weekend!

[TrentNz]

Dear grandpa

why are dirt bikes far more superior then road bikes?

[schrodingers cat]

Grandpa,
you are sooooooo knowledgeable. Every question so far you have known the answer and they are always right.

Excuse me for being a cheeky youngun and asking the mostest hardest question in the whole world.

When someone crashes there motorbicycle and tells everyone on KB why do people argue so much?
Some of them are really nasty and say mean things.

[MSTRS]

Hi guys I 'm in Taupo for the weekend so I will answer all your questions when I get back. Do have a great weekend!

Hi Grandpa...I expect that you will give what you believe to be an answer, but will in fact be a response.
I also expect that you will have had a great weekend yourself.

Now for the question.

Am I right?

[Scuba_Steve]

one more for when you get back...

If the meaning to life, the universe, & everything is 42
What is the question???

[Edbear]

one more for when you get back...

If the meaning to life, the universe, & everything is 42
What is the question???

What is the meaning of life, the Universe and everything?

[Edbear]

Hi Grandpa...I expect that you will give what you believe to be an answer, but will in fact be a response.
I also expect that you will have had a great weekend yourself.

Now for the question.





Am I right?

I will respond with answers whereupon you will have the answer to your question...

[ellipsis]

...3...why does it seem like more paint comes out of a paint roller when cleaning it, than you actually painted the ceilings with?...

[ducatilover]

Why did cutting a perfect avocado make my day Grandpa?
And does this muffler look nice? 256194

[haydes55]

Why did cutting a perfect avocado make my day Grandpa?
And does this muffler look nice? 256194

You could almost scrap the muffler before the footpegs on that! looks pretty sweet though. :yes:

[ducatilover]

You could almost scrap the muffler before the footpegs on that! looks pretty sweet though. :yes:
I'll never get the pegs down on this, I ride too slow :mellow:
Cheers

[Ntoxcated]

You could almost scrap the muffler before the footpegs on that! looks pretty sweet though. :yes:

I agree, that muffler should be scrapped.

[puddytat]

Nah,dont scrap the muffler,its the best bit of the bike.

[ducatilover]

I agree, that muffler should be scrapped.
You meet the nicest people on a Honda don't ya? :bleh:


Nah,dont scrap the muffler,its the best bit of the bike. My gold valve caps are cooler :laugh:

[hellokitty]

Grandpa, do dogs go to heaven when they die? :crybaby:

[blue rider]

Grandpa, do dogs go to heaven when they die? :crybaby:

hi kitty,

(Grandpa is away on vacation - so let me give you an answer)

yes they do, and being the faithful friend forever.....they will wait on the other side of the rainbow bridge for you....and so do cats and all other pets.

[Edbear]

Where will that lead us? If NZ is a country of sheeple, who should lead them.

Unfortunately the current state of affairs is all we have at present. If you have a plan that will improve our nation and will offer a better outcome you yourself must offer your leadership.