Wants dating advice from strangers on the internet

[TrentNz]

Lol +1. Or maybe start new thread entitled TrentNZ wants Newbi real bad :)

Not gonna lie but, ill settle for you if i have too. ill be gentle :innocent:

[Red39]

Not gonna lie but, ill settle for you if i have too. ill be gentle :innocent:

Um, sweet offer TrentNz but I'm so far beyond your reach it's not even funny ;)

[newhere]

Oh dear :shutup:

[Newbi]

Oh how nice it is to be wanted :laugh:

[TrentNz]

Im taking the piss guys calm down :yawn:

[Newbi]

Im taking the piss guys calm down :yawn:

Really??, duh no kidding:laugh: I think we all might be:laugh:

[Red39]

Really??, duh no kidding:laugh: I think we all might be:laugh:

Do you reckon we upset him? Ha ha

[cowboyz]

Na, not wine :laugh:

my bad.. I meant whine..........


Well come on get out there and start asking, all they can do is say no.

ACtually.. they can point and laugh too..........


Hahhaa, thats just gonna make them all spikey, he should wax the little fuckers hahahahah

Little? Give a guy a break.. you havent even held them yet


Not gonna lie but, ill settle for you if i have too. ill be gentle :innocent:

That-a-boy... charm em......

[5150]

If she eats shitloads on the first date, she probably has a period....:facepalm:

[Newbi]

If she eats shitloads on the first date, she probably has a period....:facepalm:

Or she's a pig:laugh:

[Stirts]

Hahahaha wine led to my last drunken encounter. And the one before that. But that also led to curtains being broken.

He broke your "curtains" :gob: ... blue waffles for breakfast was it?

[Newbi]

He broke your "curtains" :gob: ... blue waffles for breakfast was it?

Eww:sick: hahahaha

[5150]

Pickup Line - Stop yer grinnin and drop yer linen :innocent:

[Scuba_Steve]

He broke your "curtains" :gob: ... blue waffles for breakfast was it?

hope your not talking from experience :sick:

[Scuba_Steve]

Pickup Line - Stop yer grinnin and drop yer linen :innocent:

Pickup line - Just shutup and take a deep breath :devil2: ...(Chloroform the drug of many uses)

[scissorhands]

You fucking started the pink shit didnt you?

[5150]

You fucking started the pink shit didnt you?

Is that a pickup line??:confused:

[5150]

Pickup line - Just shutup and take a deep breath :devil2: ...(Chloroform the drug of many uses)

Or don't talk with your mouth full. :laugh:

[Stirts]

hope your not talking from experience :sick:

My "lips" are sealed

[Newbi]

My "lips" are sealed

Ouch! supaglue instead of lube aye??:laugh:

[oneofsix]

My "lips" are sealed

you have to be very careful with superglue, don't get your lubricants and glues mixed up.

[Scuba_Steve]

My "lips" are sealed

ah you've had the Infibulation or "women's circumcision" ay :msn-wink:

[Newbi]

ah you've had the Infibulation or "women's circumcision" ay :msn-wink:

Eww too far,:facepalm:

[Madness]

My "lips" are sealed

Pics or it never happened :corn:

[Newbi]

Pics or it never happened :corn:

I think you need to start another thread for Muff photo's :laugh:

[5150]

I think you need to start another thread for Muff photo's :laugh:

Don't make me start another thread......:shifty:

[Newbi]

Don't make me start another thread......:shifty:

I DARE ya to start another thread:laugh:

[oneofsix]

I DARE ya to start another thread:laugh:

that would be a 3rd generation thread so would that make it a grand thread? :sunny:

[Stirts]

Ouch! supaglue instead of lube aye??:laugh:


you have to be very careful with superglue, don't get your lubricants and glues mixed up.


ah you've had the Infibulation or "women's circumcision" ay :msn-wink:

Ahhhh the youth of today ... lube is the "root" cause of "glueing"


Pics or it never happened :corn:

<img src="http://www.thosefunnypictures.com/resize.php?file=pictures/9008/Kitten-Milk-Mustache.jpg"></img>

[Pussy]

Ahhhh the youth of today ... lube is the "root" cause of "glueing"

... and pic of cute kitty!



You've got a nice pussy, Stirts....

[Stirts]

You've got a nice pussy, Stirts....

Don't tell her that ... she'll get a fat head

[5150]

I DARE ya to start another thread:laugh:

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php/147703-Newbi-s-very-own-Muff-photo-thread?p=1130279381#post1130279381

:whistle:

[GingerMidget]

He broke your "curtains" :gob: ... blue waffles for breakfast was it?

Hahahaha no. Closing them so the neighbours didn't see, he leaned on them a bit and the plastic runners snapped and he went flying. I may have laughed. Then given him shit the next day. To be fair, it was probably funnier cos we were both shit faced.

[unstuck]

cos we were both shit faced.

Is that some sort of asian oral sex or something were you just munch on each others ass.:blink:

[GingerMidget]

Is that some sort of asian oral sex or something were you just munch on each others ass.:blink:

You are from Gore. You're opinion doesn't matter.

[Newbi]

Is that some sort of asian oral sex or something were you just munch on each others ass.:blink:

So classy:laugh:

[5150]

Men are like dogs. Feed them, don't annoy them, and let them out at night.....:shutup:

[Newbi]

Men are like dogs. Feed them, don't annoy them, and let them out at night.....:shutup:

But don't screw them :laugh:

[5150]

But don't screw them :laugh:

A matter of opinion really......

But Dirty Old Dogs....... Now thats a different story :shifty:

[Newbi]

A matter of opinion really......

But Dirty Old Dogs....... Now thats a different story :shifty:

Or doggy style, thats all good :laugh:

[TrentNz]

Or doggy style, thats all good :laugh:

You want me to show you my style of doggy?

[Newbi]

You want me to show you my style of doggy?

Yeah sure, why not, just post a small clip of it on here, and i'll give you an honest review:laugh::laugh::laugh:

[EJK]

<img width="400" src="http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/internet-memes-youve-aroused-my-interest.jpg" />
<font color="1a1a1a">10char10char</font>

[gammaguy]

Damn, I can resist everything except temptation.

most online single women have bigger dildos.....

Thats because they are online and single.

girls with real boyfriends have smaller ones,so they can hide them:cool:

[husaberg]

This thread deserves to be Dredged.
The one bit of dating advice that appears to have been missed is simple.
but no man had ever cheated on a girl that gave him too many blowjobs
Its a an internet fact..............

Chicks or as they seem to prefer to be called now (Bitches)also want honesty
unless its about how much you would actually like to root their friends.:shutup:

[MIXONE]

Apparently the way to keep a man is to look after his stomach and what hangs off it.

[awa355]

Apparently the way to keep a man is to look after his stomach and what hangs off it.

My dear old sweet grandmother gave this same advice to an elderly female cousin over 70 years ago. Guess men haven't changed at all.

[unstuck]

You are from Gore. You're opinion doesn't matter.

Nobodys opinion matters, no matter where they come from. People are stupid, everywhere you go.:msn-wink:

[unstuck]

So classy:laugh:

Classy has never gotten me a root, but my lack of morals has.:devil2:

[nadroj]

My dear old sweet grandmother gave this same advice to an elderly female cousin over 70 years ago. Guess men haven't changed at all.

Why?.... Coz it's too high off the ground to eat grass - as my 90yo grand mother in law once told me.

[Scuba_Steve]

Classy has never gotten me a root, but my lack of morals has.:devil2:

& a bita booze never hurts too right? :drinkup:

[unstuck]

& a bita booze never hurts too right? :drinkup:

Well Im sure that has had something to do with it. But you gotta be careful what you say around here.:shifty:
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/CeMeDihwyrg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>:innocent:

[husaberg]

Hahahaha no. Closing them so the neighbours didn't see, he leaned on them a bit and the plastic runners snapped and he went flying. I may have laughed. Then given him shit the next day. To be fair, it was probably funnier cos we were both shit faced.

Righty Ho Minger Gidget
Oh that may have not came out right.............:bleh:
What i want to know after reading the thread is did your creamed cheese iced carrot cupcakes go down a teat?:msn-wink:

[Banditbandit]

A very good friend gave me some advice when I completed failed to get a very gorgeous but middle class chick (four dinners and not even a kiss!!!)\

He said: "Never marry outside your lifestyle" .. true that ..

(Mind you - I wasn't looking for marriage - just a few good times in bed)

[Crasherfromwayback]

Wine em, dine em and sixty nine em.

[husaberg]

Meet em........... treat em and don't cheat on them:rolleyes:
Sorry might have the wrong thread

[george formby]

Wine em, dine em and sixty nine em.

I mentioned this in another thread but wimmin drop their kecks if you feed them well, even classy ones. Particularly classy ones. Admittedly non of the doors into my house have handles on the inside & the windows are fake.

[Crasherfromwayback]

I mentioned this in another thread but wimmin drop their kecks if you feed them well, even classy ones. Particularly classy ones. Admittedly non of the doors into my house have handles on the inside & the windows are fake.

Fuck dinner amatuer. Two bottles of red and straight to bed.

[george formby]

Fuck dinner amatuer. Two bottles of red and straight to bed.

I guess you prefer quantity over quality?:drinkup:

After decades of decadence I can hand across heart say that an evening of cooking, imbibing & eating, leads to a women who wants to have babies. Tonight. And marriage. Tomorrow.
As a consequence of being a good soul & talented cook, I fake my orgasms. And fudge a digit in my phone number.

I notice you get nice, shiny parts on your vintage bikes Crasher. My vintage birds have nice, shiny parts, too. Oh' lovely world!

[Gremlin]

After decades of decadence I can hand across heart say that an evening of cooking, imbibing & eating, leads to a women who wants to have babies. Tonight. And marriage. Tomorrow.
:crazy: Thank god I can't cook then!

Still single though... is there a happy medium? :lol:

[husaberg]

:crazy: Thank god I can't cook then!

Still single though... is there a happy medium? :lol:
Prostitution? Robitinol?

[cc rider]

... or are light trousers with dark damp patch enough to give the game away?Wearing pants is gud :moon:


Make sure she has her own gumbootsHell yeah, ya never know where her feet have been :confused:

[cc rider]

Never used a dating site.

Though have had the pleasure, in the past, of spending some time with lovely folk I've met via a forum :innocent::wings:


Not dating anymore
...not that anyone ever asked :thud:

[unstuck]

Last time someone tried to pick me up, I thought they were taking the piss and really upset them.:laugh::laugh:

[nzspokes]

Last time someone tried to pick me up, I thought they were taking the piss and really upset them.:laugh::laugh:

Was he a Honda rider?

[unstuck]

Was he a Honda rider?

No, she was actually smoking hot, thats why I thought it was a piss take. :bleh:


Honda rider would of been straight down to the waterfront on his knees.:blip:

[Banditbandit]

It would also make said guy a pussy whipped softcock that'd have no respect from his partner and end up getting the boot anyway!

I'm with him ...


I mentioned this in another thread but wimmin drop their kecks if you feed them well, even classy ones. Particularly classy ones. Admittedly non of the doors into my house have handles on the inside & the windows are fake.


The first dinner I cooked for my wife was a roast ... I had the farm then so it was farm-killed hogget ... cooked in the wood stove with all the trimmings ...

But when I took it out of the stove to carve it I realised it was actually wild goat I had shot a few weeks before ..

I didn't say anything - and she ate the lot and told me it was great ... then I admitted it was Goat .. she said : "I know ..."

That's when I knew she was a keeper ..

[Crasherfromwayback]

I'm with him ...
.

No you're not. I like chicks.

[Banditbandit]

No you're not. I like chicks.

:killingme Me Too ... stop being obtuse ...

[Crasherfromwayback]

:killingme Me Too ... stop being obtuse ...

Lol. Then I wouldn't be me!

[Banditbandit]

Lol. Then I wouldn't be me!


And ?

(+10)

[Crasherfromwayback]

And ?

(+10)

No more to that story sorry.

[eelracing]

Best dating advice ever...


<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/GdMM1HWRUq8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[mstriumph]

advice ......... hmmmm
OK - I know ............ NEVER throw up in a full face helmet


oh RELATIONSHIP advice ... right
well, don't bother with marriage/divorce, just find some woman that hates you and give her your house, your kids and most of your income

or, mebbe, just don't expect him/her to live up to YOUR expectations ... that's not part of the deal?