Confessional

[ManDownUnder]

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rome went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father .. during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

[bugjuice]

lol.. fuk no..

[DemonWolf]

haha.. classic.. how old would they be now eh!

[Sniper]

Hehehe, very good

[Beemer]

Reminds me of a similar joke about the woman who tries to stow away on a boat heading to America and gets caught by one of the sailors who offers to hide her on board in return for a bit of nookie. He brings her food, she puts out, the boat sails on. Until one day the captain finds her and she confesses what has been going on. Her face drops when the captain informs her she won't get to America on that boat, it was the Picton ferry!

[MSTRS]

A priest was being honoured for 25 years service to his parish with a community dinner. The local MP was meant to give a speech but was very late, so the priest got up to say a few words.
"I got my first impression of the parish from my first confession held here. It was a young chap who confessed to being a burglar who assaulted a policeman to make his escape, and he carried on to embezzle thousands of dollars from his employer, had sex with the employer's wife & sold drugs to his son. It wasn't long before I met enough townsfolk to change my impression & since then I've been very happy here."
Just then the MP rushed in and, full of apologies for being late, took the stage.
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived. In fact, I had the honour of being his first confession."
Ooooops...

[DemonWolf]

bhahaaa.. what a quack.. niceone MSTRS... got a chuckle ++

[Wolf]

A man goes into the confessional and says "father, I'm 83 years old and I'm having sex with a gorgeous 18-year-old girl."

The Priest says "Mr Solomon, you're Jewish. Why are you telling me?"

The old Jew answers "Telling you? I'm telling everybody!"

[Wolf]

The parish priest opens confessional for the day and his first caller is an attractive young woman who says "I'd like to confess to sins of the flesh, father."
"With whom, my child?"
"Tommy Tobruk, father."
The priest has no idea who Tommy Tobruk is, but he tells her to put $10 in the collection box and say five "Hail Marys".

His next caller is also an attractive young woman of the parish confessing "sins of the flesh" with Tommy Tobruk. Again he gets her to put $10 in the collection box and say five "Hail Marys".

And so it goes, a stream of attractive young women of the parish confessing sexual congress with Tommy Tobruk. Each time he gives them the same pennance and they leave.

By mid morning he's quite concerned; by lunchtime he's thinking he's going to have to find this Tommy Tobruk and have words with him about this rampant spiritual corruption of the young women of the parish.

By the time he is ready to close confessional for the day there have been thirty-five young women all confessing sexual relations with Tommy Tobruk.

The last woman has just left and the priest goes to leave when he hears the confessional open. He sinks to his bench thinking "oh no, not another one" and a young man's voice says "Father, my name is Tommy Tobruk. Now, either we split the collection box takings or I take my cock to another parish.

[ManDownUnder]

The last woman has just left and the priest goes to leave when he hears the confessional open. He sinks to his bench thinking "oh no, not another one" and a young man's voice says "Father, my name is Tommy Tobruk. Now, either we split the collection box takings or I take my cock to another parish.

Was Tommy a chicken farmer??? :rofl:

[Wolf]

Was Tommy a chicken farmer??? :rofl:
I understand he does have consideratble experiences with chicks.

And laying...

[duckman]

I understand he does have consideratble experiences with chicks.

And laying...

And as I understand it... he's often up the crack of dawn... Among others!! :whistle:

[ManDownUnder]

And as I understand it... he's often up the crack of dawn... Among others!! :whistle:

So Tommy was a Chicken farmer, and Dawn is his wife/partner/politically correct significant other - and Tommy's up at her crack?

ok - I think I see where this is going...

[Wolf]

So Tommy was a Chicken farmer, and Dawn is his wife/partner/politically correct significant other - and Tommy's up at her crack?

ok - I think I see where this is going...

Where oh where is the "Big Foam Clue Bat" smiley?

[feistyredhead]

Where oh where is the "Big Foam Clue Bat" smiley?

classic keep em coming. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[ManDownUnder]

keep em coming. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Why do I suspect that's Tommy's motto :whistle:

[pete376403]

Three young guys don't have company for the evening so one says, "I'm going to confession"
In the confessional, he tells the priest "I've sinned with a girl"
Priest asks "was it Molly O'Rielly?"
"No Father"
"Was it Sally Brown?"
"No Father"
Was it it Mary Donovan?"
'No Father"
"Ah well, three Hail Marys and be off with ye?
Lad goes back to his mates
I've got the dead certs for tonight..."

[MSTRS]

FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen


MALE PRAYER

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
Amen