never say to a cop!

[feistyredhead]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 145 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Office r! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" :wacko:

[spudchucka]

Those are OLD...... But still good.

[bugjuice]

or wave a doughnut around and say: here boy, go.... fetch!!

[Sniper]

How about...... Catch me if you can.

[bugjuice]

TIG!!!!! you're it!!

[Sniper]

No no no its TAG

[texmo]

lol.........

[bugjuice]

No no no its TAG
no no no no.. it's TIG..

[Waylander]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
Actually they usually ask you to hold thier beer while they write up the ticket.

[Biff]

Police eating donuts? That's just a myth - surely.

[Sniper]

no no no no.. it's TIG..

It must be TAG. What does TIG mean?

[XTC]

Tig Tag
http://www.ourglasgowstory.com/story.php?sid=85&start=0&end=14&id=1075906452&o=
http://www.boowakwala.com/tig/tig.html
http://www.funandgames.org/games_tags.htm
Remember Google is your friend :doobey:

[strayjuliet]

Police eating donuts? That's just a myth - surely.
Trust you to have evidence.
Seriously they are bloody funny.
Might try some next time I get pulled over...


or not

[Wolf]

Those are OLD...... But still good.
Yep. My favourite has always been #12.

[bugjuice]

It must be TAG. What does TIG mean?
what does TAG mean?
TAG is what it's called, TIG is what you shout

[yungatart]

Not good form to say "I don't blow, occifer, I only suck!" either..

[strayjuliet]

It's also not a good idea to say "good afterbill constanoon"
I did once and the :Police: said to me "first, I am an officer not a constable." Second, "I was just going to give you a warning but because you thought you would be smart I'm going to give you a ticket." and only because my tail-light was blown.

[Sparky Bills]

It's also not a good idea to say "good afterbill constanoon"
I did once and the :Police: said to me "first, I am an officer not a constable." Second, "I was just going to give you a warning but because you thought you would be smart I'm going to give you a ticket." and only because my tail-light was blown.


What a tosser!!!

[Sniper]

what does TAG mean?
TAG is what it's called, TIG is what you shout

Ive always called it TAG, or "come here", "Stop", "Fuckers".

You?

[bugjuice]

Ive always called it TAG, or "come here", "Stop", "Fuckers".

You?
'wankers' too, is often a good one.
nope, it's TIG. You must have been lied to all your life. Are you sure you're a guy for a start..?

[Sniper]

'wankers' too, is often a good one.
nope, it's TIG. You must have been lied to all your life. Are you sure you're a guy for a start..?

Everytime I go to the toilet and notice the waters cold its confirmed. Bugger, now why would anyone lie to me?

[bugjuice]

Everytime I go to the toilet and notice the waters cold its confirmed. Bugger, now why would anyone lie to me?
I don't know... there there.. Alarumba had the same problems..
scroll down a bit (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=11150&page=2)

[WRT]

Dunno, but they must have lied to me too - it was always "tag - your it" when I was growning up. You sure its Tig, BJ, or is that just some weird custom from pomgolia?

These days tho, the kids (apparently) just use a phone and say "your it, pass it on!" - sad really . . .

[Sniper]

LOL. Yea Im still sure its TAG

[WRT]

LOL. Yea Im still sure its TAG

Maybe they were saying something different to Buggy, and he just got it backwards . . . :eek:

[Patrick]

A guy out for a ride in his new sports car, cranks it up to 100kmph, looks around and guns it up to 140. Suddenly, a patrol car appears and spins around after him. He accellerates more, getting up to 160, 170, 180, the cop is still coming...190, then he thinks, "Bugger it, it's not worth it..." and stops.

The cop walks up and says, give me a good excuse on why I should NOT give you a ticket...

The guy says, without a moment in between..."My wife left me for a cop yesterday...I thought it was you trying to return her..."

The cop smiled and said, "Have a nice day..."

[bugjuice]

nope, as sure as the sky is green, it's TIG.. If it wasn't, I wouldn't have said it, would I?

[spudchucka]

It's also not a good idea to say "good afterbill constanoon"

A dollar for every time I've heard that one would be nice. Its bloody hard trying to feign amusement when you have heard it a couple of thousand times before. Then there are the clever buggers that yell out "hey John they cops are hear for ya" or "I didn't do it officer" and laugh their heads off as soon as you walk into a room. Good one mate you're a fucken comic genius. :slap:

[spudchucka]

Here's some more top ten lists....

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A COP:

1) You need at least 8 hours of sleep every night.

2) Sirens give you a headache.

3) You can't drive really fast, check a license plate on your in-car computer, talk on the radio, and drink coffee, all at the same time.

4) When you see trouble brewing, your first reaction is to call 911.

5) When you get nervous, you have to pee, so you secretly wear adult diapers, just in case it's going to be a busy night.

6) You're being called for back-up, but you don't go because it's too dangerous.

7) At the scene of a riot, you refuse to get out of the car until the crowd thins out.

8) A woman gives birth in the street and you give her a ticket for littering.

9) You think frisking people and giving "mouth to mouth" to someone of your own gender is politically incorrect.

10) You're a bleeder and you faint at the sight of a papercut.


TOP TEN WARNING SIGNS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR K-9 PARTNER IS GETTING TOO INTIMATE:

1) Lunch usually consists of a pizza topped with one half meatballs and the other half kibble.

2) You demand your K-9 buddy get a locker, too.

3) In case there's an emergency, you carry a wee-wee pad wherever you go.

4) You get a kick out of asking him how his day was and he always answers "ruff."

5) He is the only one who laughs at your jokes.

6) Out of habit, you start scratching your spouse's belly during tender moments.

7) For Christmas you knit a little doggy uniform and buy doggy boots to keep his paws warm and dry.

8) For Valentine's Day you fill a heart-shaped box with doggy treats.

9) At training class, you pass him love notes under the desk.

10) You want to have his puppies.



TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR PARTNER NEEDS A VACATION:

1) He keeps handcuffing himself by accident.

2) He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested.

3) He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.

4) He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop."

5) He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.

6) He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.

7) He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.

8) The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids.

9) Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.

10) He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.


TOP TEN SIGNS THE POLICE CHIEF DOESN'T LIKE YOU:

1) He refers to you as "our mascot."

2) Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol.

3) Your locker is also the broom closet.

4) The job description in your contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject."

5) He sends you on drug raids - alone.

6) He always tells you that only wussies call for back-up.

7) He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look for them.

8) You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner.

9) He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and put you on a plane to Siberia.

10) He doesn't like to be seen with you in public.


TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN EXPOSED TO HAZARDOUS MATERIAL:

1) Two 18-wheelers collided. You arrive at the scene of the accident just in time to see the two drivers' bodies melt.

2) Your body hair is getting so coarse, it's starting to poke through your uniform.

3) You can predict the weather by the length of your bowel movements.

4) Instead of chocolate sprinkles, you ask for wood chips on your donuts.

5) You order raw meat at your favorite restaurant.

6) Your apartment is suddenly roach-free.

7) At night there's this eerie green glow - and it's you!

8) You start to generate electricity and sparks fly from your mouth when you drink water.

9) The tomatoes growing in your backyard are the size of pumpkins.

10) They transfer you to Area 51.

[spudchucka]

Not to mention these ones......

Things not to say to a cop.

Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...

I only had one officer Mr. Keg..

Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

Want to race to the station, Sparky?

I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!

Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.

You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Hey, you look like that girl I fucked a few days ago...

Aren't you one of the Village People?

[Lou Girardin]

[QUOTE=spudchucka]Here's some more top ten lists....

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A COP:
3) You can't drive really fast, check a license plate on your in-car computer, talk on the radio, and drink coffee, all at the same time.
4) When you see trouble brewing, your first reaction is to call 911.
6) You're being called for back-up, but you don't go because it's too dangerous.
7) At the scene of a riot, you refuse to get out of the car until the crowd thins out.
8) A woman gives birth in the street and you give her a ticket for littering.

There are some ex-MOT cops of senior Police rank who applied these.

[Wellyman]

I like these. cool
WM

[Cibby]

Ive always called it TAG, or "come here", "Stop", "Fuckers".

You?

i hate to point on the obvious here sniper.. but :nya: buggie is from the uk,, no doubt, being an entire hemisphere apart, the likelihood of us having different names for the same game is kinda high,

i think the poms have some sorta fucked up name for bullrush as well... cant remember..

[spudchucka]

[QUOTE=spudchucka]Here's some more top ten lists....

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A COP:
3) You can't drive really fast, check a license plate on your in-car computer, talk on the radio, and drink coffee, all at the same time.
4) When you see trouble brewing, your first reaction is to call 911.
6) You're being called for back-up, but you don't go because it's too dangerous.
7) At the scene of a riot, you refuse to get out of the car until the crowd thins out.
8) A woman gives birth in the street and you give her a ticket for littering.

There are some ex-MOT cops of senior Police rank who applied these.
I don't doubt it.

[Sniper]

i hate to point on the obvious here sniper.. but :nya: buggie is from the uk,, no doubt, being an entire hemisphere apart, the likelihood of us having different names for the same game is kinda high,

i think the poms have some sorta fucked up name for bullrush as well... cant remember..

Thats proberbly true. Although even I am from SA, I still know what games are what, aye buggy

[DingDong]

Siper & bug... the game is called Tiggy... remember? and when you get someone you say"TAG!"

Luck someone had a childhood after the 60's and before playstation! :crazy:

[Macktheknife]

How about...... Catch me if you can.
Or my personal favourites

No drinkstable I haven't been c*nting! ooops or my best one,

I'm sorry my wife ran away with a cop last week.... I thought you were trying to bring her back!
Enjoy