What would you do?

[Ms Piggy]

If you found out someone you had previously dated was married when they were seeing you? (The signs pointed to it but he denied it when confronted and it didn't last that long anyway)

I have been told the name of his wife and I know he is listed in the phone book...I wouldn't do anything psycho like going round to the house but, the thought has crossed my mind that I should write a letter to his wife.

Hmmmmmmm...what to do, what to do.....

[jrandom]

If you found out someone you had previously dated was married when they were seeing you? (The signs pointed to it but he denied it when confronted and it didn't last that long anyway)

why do you feel the need to do anything?

why not just get on with something useful?

so the guy's a lowlife. Somebody Else's Problem (tm).

not yours.

[Skyryder]

Let's see if I have got this right. You have dated someone who was married and even though you suspected at the time you now believe that you should write to the wife and infom her of this. If that's the correct interpertation of your post why would you want to inform the wife? Unless there is a bit more to this than meets the eye. Some kind of revenge..........of some sort/ If not then do you think that the wife is going to thank you for this act of kindness on your part. Whatever you had with this guy it's over. Walk away'


Skyryder

[crashe]

If he has done it once, he will do it again and again...
These guys that play around, will always do it.

Its the wife that you have to feel for...
She either doesn't know that her hubby likes to play around or she does.

Are there any kids in his marriage?

If you do bust him, then you need to have the proof, as she may not believe you. You need to handle it carefully if you do bust him.
Does he have a mark on his body that only you and his wife would know about... as that can be good proof.

The wife would be better off without him...

You have had a lucky escape.... from this chap.

But in the end the decision is only yours to make...
Weigh up the pro's and cons.....
We can't make the decision for you...

[TonyB]

Maybe him and his wife were on a break.....(TM Freinds)

[jimbo600]

I'm with Fish on this one. Move on. The guys a twat his loss and someday he'll get caught out.

[kiwisfly]

I'm with Fish, move on although if you felt like getting back & playing with his head then threaten to spill the beans. Only if it makes you feel better otherwise walk away & chalk it up to another life experience on the journey.

[Ms Piggy]

This isn't about revenge folks and those of you who know me will know that.

It's about informing his wife of what he is doing, if it was me in her situation I'd like to know.

Thanks for your input so far though.

p.s I didn't suspect he was married until we had been dating a little bit and (as I said) I hit him up about it and he said "no" and at the time it seemed reasonable to believe he was telling the truth.

[thehollowmen]

This isn't about revenge folks and those of you who know me will know that.
<snip>
p.s I didn't suspect he was married until we had been dating a little bit and (as I said) I hit him up about it and he said "no" and at the time it seemed reasonable to believe he was telling the truth.

My wife knows I'm a terrible flirt.
She's fine with that.

Relationships should all be about honesty.

If it isn't about revenge don't bother. His wife probably has a very good idea of what's going on. Why she's still there when he's a lying bastard (to either you or her)... well that's another barrel of worms.

[TonyB]

CSL I think most of us know you well enough to know its not a revenge thing. You're looking after the wifes interests, and thats an honourable thing to do. She may genuinely have no idea. Question is, do you want to be the one to turn her world upside down?

[strayjuliet]

That's a tricky 1 CSL, if I was in the wife's shoes yes I would want to know, but that being said I'm not sure I could handle being told that my husband was cheating on me. Then again I think I would be clever enough to notice the signs. (or at least I hope I would be) Unless she is a total dweeb then surely she would suspect something. But then again, there are some sick puppies out there.

[zadok]

I'm with fish & SR on this one as well. It may have been a one off (probably not), but it will come back and bite him one day if he is still doing it. You are an innocent party. Think of the problems it may cause you if you tell the wife. She might not see you as a concerned citizen.

[nadroj]

Maybe he's not getting it at home. As we all know "It's too high off the ground to eat grass". Just chalk it up to experience (you must have learnt something), and get on with it.

[Coyote]

Blackmail :devil2: j/k

[Beemer]

Forget him, what goes around, comes around, so it's likely he will be found out sooner rather than later.

The thing that amazes me here is that Fish missed her chance to have another dig at you and instead came up with something verging on sensible! After her comment about you not riding a "girl's bike" and her questioning of your sexuality, I was waiting for "so you're not a dyke" or "did you become a dyke after this guy jerked you around?" Very disappointing, Fish!

[Blackadda]

I know he is listed in the phone book...I wouldn't do anything psycho like going round to the house but, "

Go psycho.... :kick:not much news in the paper lately a good "the other woman" story woudl go down well? Ya never know, you could get a spread in Womans Something a rather and earn some bucks..:bash:

[ajturbo]

hey CLS.. get out on ya bike!!!!...:whistle:


but i can feel for ya matey!... was is a similar situation a few years back,

but if you had come up to me and told me my wife was cheeting, wouldn't have belived you at all.. but it would make me think..WTF are you on about ....

tis a hard one matey.... think long and hard before you do anything... i had a moto (sp) that IF i ever knew that type of thing was going on i would give the person in the wrong a couple of days notice that i would be telling the other party.....
FUCK THE OUT COME....:calm: :calm: :calm:

[RiderInBlack]

An Ex is an Ex. What ever they do after I've left is no longer my problem (Thank God for that). Also if they were acting an arse and I found out later, I be about pissed off, but I would just remind me that I am better off without them. Not point in telling their partner, cause they'll just think your jelious and won't want to believe you.

Worse I have had, was finding out that an ex-girl friend of mine had been raped by her Mother's 5th Husband when she was 13. The Mother didn't believe her own daugther. He got away with it because the ex-GF was to embrassed to face the prick in Court. Sometime latter the Arse-hole (top of my list to knock-off if I go nuts) was in a new relationship and that woman had a young dauther that looked a dead ringer for my ex-GF. Put a total chill in my heart that, but I was heading overseas that week so could not watch him myself. Told some close friends of mine that were also friends of the woman, about what I had been told by the ex-GF's sister (also a close friend of mine) re: the Arse-hole. It was no good telling the woman directly because she was too deep in love with the prick. The friends tried but with no joy. I've lost contact with them all now, and can only hope the the prick has been casterated.

Sorry bit of an off tangent rant there, but you can see how pointless tellong someone the truth is if they are not prepare to listen (specially if you have no soild evidence).

[SlideMoto]

Who cares? Why are we discussing this? Unless your still talking to said guy, then you'd be totaly justified in kicking him in the nuts. But Im not discussing this thread so its not a sugestion.

[jrandom]

The thing that amazes me here is that Fish missed her chance to have another dig at you and instead came up with something verging on sensible! After her comment about you not riding a "girl's bike" and her questioning of your sexuality, I was waiting for "so you're not a dyke" or "did you become a dyke after this guy jerked you around?" Very disappointing, Fish!

oh, bugger. I didn't even *think* of doing that. honest! sorry.

however, it was such a stretch of the imagination visualising Cathy as a dyke the first time round that I don't think I'd have the energy to continue trolling in that vein.

no matter. fortunately, politics is a more fertile field for that sort of effort than sexuality, and we've just had an election...

[Velox]

I agree Cathy - if I was in her position I'd definitely want to know too. You'd just have to be totally 'unobtrusive' and succinct in whatever you do I reckon. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[F5 Dave]

I say dob the prick too. He lied to you, it could have been your problem. You were lucky. The wife obviously isn’t. Does she know? Well who knows?, that part is true.

Do you want to be the one who ‘turns her life upside down?’ Well better now than later. It irks me that these people decide that they want to try some new waters but don’t have the guts to break up with the last person & allow -not only them to get on with their life, but also another guy might be keen on the ex if she was on the market again, so to speak.

‘Not getting it at home’ is the lamest excuse yet.

[LB]

.
.
I'm with Beemer on this one - what goes around comes around. He'll get whatever's coming to him eventually.
.
.

[What?]

Yep, I'm with Beemer as well.
Was in a relationship once myself with a woman who lied to me. When I found out the truth, I just walked away and marked it up to experience. I don't know what became of her, and don't really care, but figure she probably got the life she deserved.

[Lou Girardin]

The wife would be better off without him...

..

Yes, but would the kids. (if any)

[yungatart]

Be grateful that you are rid of the prat and move on. Karma will deal to him eventually.

[kerryg]

Yes, but would the kids. (if any)


Agreed. Good point, Lou.


Somewhat tangential but yesterday was listening to some discussion on the radio about screening for disease and a point made by one person was that screening has a downside, particularly if you cast the net very wide, in that if something is detected that can't be treated, particularly in someone young and otherwise well and healthy and getting on with their life, it can be argued that it is better not to know.

Men (women too, but especially men) have sex outside marriage ALL THE TIME. There will be scacely a man on this site (OK, I can't prove it, but I feel pretty safe saying it) who would not have sex outside marriage if the circumstances were right and he didn't think he would get caught. For that matter, who are all these men who patronise the parlours and the hookers? Single men?

I don't know (or need to know) the details of CSL's experience. Very likely there are elements present that made this guy's philandering less forgivable than having a quick bonk with a hooker (no offence intended here to anyone) but it is bollocks to think you're doing the wife a favour by telling her shit she is not harmed by not knowing.

And anyway, it's sex for chrissakes, not murder.

[jrandom]

Yep, I'm with Beemer as well.

jeez, that Beemer gets around doesnt she.

perhaps you should tell her husband about this...

[Sniper]

Throw rocks through his windows at 4am and scream and yell. I saw it on a movie once.

[Kornholio]

Boil his pet rabbit lol

Seriously tho, move on and get on with life...its way too short :D

[Sniper]

Seriously tho, move on and get on with life...its way too short :D

I have to say this... How can life be too short. Its the longest thing anybody does. What can be longer :sweatdrop

[Lou Girardin]

There was a story of a medical survey being done in a smallish English village back in the 50's. They were blood testing for some reason, but started to discover that around half the children did not belong to their fathers. Needless to say, the testing was abandoned very quickly.
Some times ignorance is bliss. Let her find out from him. (one way or another).
No one gets thanked for bringing that sort of news.

[Sniper]

Seddon or Ward? Maybe Picton?

[avgas]

By a bike, do a big burnout, do a crazy sprint on it yelling your head off, then get drunk so bad you dont wake up for 2 days.........works for us guys

If you found out someone you had previously dated was married when they were seeing you? (The signs pointed to it but he denied it when confronted and it didn't last that long anyway)

I have been told the name of his wife and I know he is listed in the phone book...I wouldn't do anything psycho like going round to the house but, the thought has crossed my mind that I should write a letter to his wife.

Hmmmmmmm...what to do, what to do.....

[Timber020]

The world is a dangerous place, not because of bad people doing wrong things, but because good people stand by and let it happen.

If he gets away with it, then hes learned nothing and may do worse next time.

Let her know, not doing anything is to condone his actions and indirectly support his behaviour. Doing nothing is easier, but when was doing the right thing easy?

[M1CRO]

Yup, let sleeping dogs lie, move on, learn from it (if you can)... after all, we are the products of our life experience's

[Lou Girardin]

The world is a dangerous place, not because of bad people doing wrong things, but because good people stand by and let it happen.

If he gets away with it, then hes learned nothing and may do worse next time.

Let her know, not doing anything is to condone his actions and indirectly support his behaviour. Doing nothing is easier, but when was doing the right thing easy?

What if this was the one and only lapse in his life?

[Ms Piggy]

Well after having a think, talking to my current man and a few others, and readng the myriad responses on KBs I've decided not to pursue this creep any further.

Not b/c I think I should walk away and simply chalk it up to a 'life lesson' and not b/c I think cheating is acceptable on any level :nono: But b/c I am not sure if the guy is in fact still with his wife. I actually spoke to the woman who gave me the info again and she agreed that he could've in fact been seperated or he could in fact just be a low down, rotten dirty cheater...I think the latter is very likely, however I don't wish to waste my energy on a man who isn't worth spitting on. I'm 90% sure (due to his behaviour and unreliability) that he was married but I don't have absolute proof..oh that hindsight is a wonderful thing aint it!!

Thanks for those who Pm'd too :niceone:

[Sniper]

Good to see CSL. :niceone:

[nanny]

Just be glad was able to get out of relationship beforeany serious harm was done
or worse