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ducatilover
14th October 2005, 22:32
i heard some elephant jokes today. :mellow:

what do elephants use as tampons?
sheep.
whats the morale of this joke?
never wear a red sweater.

how do you catch an elephant?
sit in a bush and make peanut noises.

how do you hide an elephant in a plum tree??
paint its balls purple.

how did the monkey die?
picking plums.

a man goes to an arse doctor to seek special help. man says to the doctor, what can you do too my arse hole to make it better? [bends over and shows doctor arse]. doctor exclaims 'holy shit, what happened to you?' man replies 'i got raped by an elephant'. 'thats unusual' says the doctor, 'you arse hole is twenty cm wide where as the average elephant penis is ten cm wide.' 'yeah' says the man 'the dirty fuck fingered me first.' :devil2:
Biff
14th October 2005, 23:48
How do you know when there's an elephant in your bed?

He has an 'E' embroidered on his pyjamas.
Ixion
14th October 2005, 23:59
How do you know when there's an elephant in your bed?

He has an 'E' embroidered on his pyjamas.

I don''t see how that helps. It might well be an eel, or an eland, or an echidna. No way to tell the difference, with only an 'E' to go on.
Dadpole
15th October 2005, 00:16
What's the biggest drawback of the jungle?

An elephant's foreskin.
HCW
15th October 2005, 00:49
My missus hates this one -

What did Tarzan say, when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
Here come the elephants.
What did Tarzan say, when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing dark sun glasses?...
Nothing... He didn't recognise them.
Biff
15th October 2005, 01:43
I don''t see how that helps. It might well be an eel, or an eland, or an echidna. No way to tell the difference, with only an 'E' to go on.

My stated facts are based on experience. Alledgedly.
Biff
15th October 2005, 01:44
What did Tarzan say, when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing dark sun glasses?...
Nothing... He didn't recognise them.

They obviously weren't wearing their embroidered pyjamas.
What?
15th October 2005, 06:07
How do you get four elephants in a mini?
2 in the front, 2 in the back.
What?
15th October 2005, 06:09
How do you know when there's an elephant in your bed?

He has an 'E' embroidered on his pyjamas.
Where does the elephant put his pyjamas when he gets up in the morning?
In his trunk.
ducatilover
15th October 2005, 21:25
They obviously weren't wearing their embroidered pyjamas.
lol :doobey: :cool:
sels1
17th October 2005, 07:43
How do you get four elephants in a mini?
2 in the front, 2 in the back.

How do you know when there are elephants in your fridge?
There's a mini parked outside.
marty
17th October 2005, 07:46
My missus hates this one -

What did Tarzan say, when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
Here come the elephants.
What did Tarzan say, when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing dark sun glasses?...
Nothing... He didn't recognise them.


and on from that....

what should you do when an elephant comes through the window?


swim for your life!
WRT
17th October 2005, 13:04
How do you know when there are elephants in your fridge?
There's a mini parked outside.

How do you know when there has been elephants in your fridge?

There's foot prints in the butter.
ducatilover
17th October 2005, 21:45
How do you know when there are elephants in your fridge?
There's a mini parked outside.LMFAO, man thats pretty good. i been havin a bad day me bossfelluh is being a fucktard as pernorm. :argh:
raster
17th October 2005, 21:54
The kids love this one...

Why do elephants paint their toenails red, yellow, green, pink & black?

So they can hide in the jellybean jar!

Have you ever seen an elephant in the jellybean jar?

No!

Well, that proves it works then!!
parsley
17th October 2005, 22:15
How do you get an elephant down from a tree?

Sit him on a leaf and wait until autumn.

(Obviously this only works if the tree is deciduous).
Dadpole
17th October 2005, 23:30
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rat?

A dead rat with an 18 inch arsehole!
_Gina_
18th October 2005, 12:45
Two Elephants fall from the sky.....


BOOM BOOM!
ducatilover
18th October 2005, 19:43
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rat?

A dead rat with an 18 inch arsehole!
nasty :devil2:
Korumba
18th October 2005, 20:15
Why do Elephants have Four Feet????

Cause 6 inches isn’t enough!!
Korumba
18th October 2005, 20:18
What do Elephants use for Vibrators???

Epileptic Pigmies!!!
Korumba
18th October 2005, 20:20
What do you do if an Elephant comes thru your window???

Start swimming!!!!

Edit.Sry allready posted.I had a quick look thru before I posted..
strayjuliet
18th October 2005, 22:06
How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?




you can't shut the fridge door.
:dodge: :dodge: :dodge:
Wolf
18th October 2005, 23:19
Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?


Because if they were small, white and smooth, they'd be Aspirins.


Where are an elephant's sexual organs?


On the soles of their feet - if they stand on you, you're fucked.
Wolf
18th October 2005, 23:27
Why do elephants have big ears?

Noddy won't pay the ransom.



How can you tell if an elephant's got her period?

Your mattress and tow-rope go missing.