How to make a total arse of yourself in 10 easy steps

[Biff]

Spend a nice evening with some important people
Drink copious amounts of the local brew (Tiger beer)
Suggest that consuming some Irish Whisky would finish the night off..
Along with important people, get very very pissed and start chatting up/dancing with the local working girls
Return to hotel room (alone) and promptly collapse on the floor
Remove yourself from said hotel room floor later than expected the following morning and rush around in a blind panic in order to meet important people for breakfast.
Feel like shit. Head spins. Headaches. Bad stomach (peppered alligator for supper may help)
Eat nothing at breakfast because of point 7.
Take lift back up to room with important people.
Ask if you can borrow any one of said important people's plastic bag, currently home to a complimentary newspaper, and promptly vomit in it, twice, in a lift full of important people and other startled hotel guests.:doh:

[SPORK]

Noice, keep it up man, you're making a good impression.

To fix it, all you need is Lion Red, or so the ads tell me. And TV wouldn't lie to me, would it?

[scumdog]

Biff, you were in the 'arse' catagory before you even got to 1..:lol: :2thumbsup

[RantyDave]

Nice. I think anyone that's had to do a relevant amount of business travel has had a similar experience, but the morning vom with company really does it. Remember: Tactical chunders - don't leave it to chance!

So do we get a thread on how to hide hangovers while on business?

Dave

[texmo]

jesus christ and you aint in the toxic crew?

[idb]

Was reading through your list thinking "I've got a couple of personal anecdotes I could share in this thread" when I got to the end and realised "I'm just a boy..."

[Stevo]

Spoken like a true blue Welshman:thud:

[Karma]

11. Post entire sorry saga on a forum so that everyone knows you get pissed like a lightweight and chat up hookers.

j/k

[idb]

11. Post entire sorry saga on a forum so that everyone knows you get pissed like a lightweight and chat up hookers.

j/k
But drunks are such fun!
I just know that everyone is laughing with me when I'm the only drunk in the room.

[Karma]

But drunks are such fun!
I just know that everyone is laughing with me when I'm the only drunk in the room.


Yep, and that warm liquid running down your leg has gotta be beer. :doh:

[WRT]

Yep, and that warm liquid running down your leg has gotta be beer. :doh:

You drink warm beer?? Or do you just have penchant for pouring it down your leg?

[The_Dover]

and chat up hookers.

So did you get any?:blink:

[Devil]

All class man! :D

[Colapop]

And the 'hookers' turned out to be said important peoples wives?

[The_Dover]

And the 'hookers' turned out to be said important peoples wives?

Yeah?? So did he get any?:blip:

[Colapop]

Yeah?? So did he get any?:blip:
What would ya say in the am? I'll get my people to call your husbands people?

Biff did you use any of these? -
http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=20923
You could've got lucky!

[*sic]

your my hero

[Sniper]

Biff, our KB representative overseas everybody. :lol:

[ManDownUnder]

:niceone: :niceone: :niceone: :niceone:

I am SO GLAD I heard about this... (I now know I'm not the only one to make a dick of myself...)

Get Well soon mate - and remember... spewing BEFORE you go to sleep is much preferable to doing it WHILE you sleep, or after you wake up.

... so I remember anyway...

On the bright side - you'll be able to ingratiate yourself with them now. Anything along the lines of "can I borrow your bag for a sec" will bring those memories flodding back.

Get well soon mate

MDU

[The_Dover]

:niceone: :niceone: :niceone: :niceone:

Anything along the lines of "can I borrow your bag for a sec" will bring those memories flodding back.

MDU

Yeah, but will he think you're refering to his storage sack or his missus??:blank:

[Karma]

So did you get any?:blink:

Well they don't seem to take EFTPOS and won't give me a discount for a quickie. :blink:

[The_Dover]

You just got to know the right people Weasel ;)

Tell 'em Maurice sent you.

[ManDownUnder]

Yeah, but will he think you're refering to his storage sack or his missus??:blank:

It'd be a brave man offering his lady love to be spewed on...

[froggyfrenchman]

Piss funny thread. Keep up the good work!

[oldrider]

OK Biff your feeling bad but you will do it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again:drinknsin and again, and again,and again, :doh:

[Skyryder]

There comes a time when you realize that you can not drink the way that you use to. The defining moment is when you can remember making and arse of your self and when you can not. Biff I think your defining moment has arrived.

Time to pull your head in ol' son and make everday better than the last one.

Skyryder

[Macktheknife]

That reminds me of a certain nephew of mine having a similar problem, but he was not quick enough to ask for a bag and just missed the CEO of foreign company spending $25 mil. He did however power-chuck all over his private secretary standing right next to him. Fortunately the CEO found this outrageously funny and the party continued... without my nephew.

[WINJA]

1. GET CAUGHT MASTURBATING IN CUSTOMERS ENGINE ROOM
THERE ONLY NEEDS TO BE ONE ON THAT LIST , ITS MY WORK MATES LIST, ID RATHER HAVE YOURS THAN HIS BIFF

[texmo]

1. GET CAUGHT MASTURBATING IN CUSTOMERS ENGINE ROOM
THERE ONLY NEEDS TO BE ONE ON THAT LIST , ITS MY WORK MATES LIST, ID RATHER HAVE YOURS THAN HIS BIFF
Some one at work work actually did this?

[miSTa]

Very well done Biff, you should be proud :rockon:

(t's the kind of stupid I would almost do myself :doh: )

[WINJA]

Some one at work work actually did this?
YES , TRUE STORY , HE ALSO KNICKED A LADIES FLOWERS ON VALENTINES DAY AND TOOK THEM HOME TO HIS MISSES. HE ONLY MILDLY GOT IN STRIFE WHEN HE SHOWED THE RECEPTIONIST AT WORK HIS SHAVED BALLS

[texmo]

YES , TRUE STORY , HE ALSO KNICKED A LADIES FLOWERS ON VALENTINES DAY AND TOOK THEM HOME TO HIS MISSES. HE ONLY MILDLY GOT IN STRIFE WHEN HE SHOWED THE RECEPTIONIST AT WORK HIS SHAVED BALLS

Fuck this guy sounds like a riot:shit:

[The_Dover]

I showed the receptionist at my last job more than my shaved balls!!! She had to wear a scarf for a coupla weeks and I got to walk past her everyday with a big grin on my face. She was fuckin hot and squeaky tight. But she got pissed off when I showed the boys the pxts she had sent me.

Mmmm...

[WINJA]

Fuck this guy sounds like a riot:shit:
I HAD SOME OF THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE WORKING WITH HIM , WE LAUGHED EVERY DAY , GOT FUCK ALL WORK DONE BUT THATS NOT MY PROBLEM

[Biff]

Nope I didn't get any. I'm far too tight to pay for it (honest Ms Biff). Unless they give out receipts so that I can claim for 'it' on expenses.

Even if I had taken one of these ladies back to my room it would have been like trying to push a raw sausage into a pokie machine's coin slot. :blink:

[The_Dover]

Even if I had taken one of these ladies back to my room it would have been like trying to push a raw sausage into a pokie machine's coin slot. :blink:

Good old meaty messy fun!!

[heavenly.talker]

YES , TRUE STORY , HE ALSO KNICKED A LADIES FLOWERS ON VALENTINES DAY AND TOOK THEM HOME TO HIS MISSES. HE ONLY MILDLY GOT IN STRIFE WHEN HE SHOWED THE RECEPTIONIST AT WORK HIS SHAVED BALLS


OMG...you didn't tell me that you worked with hubby? :lol:

[SixPackBack]

Further to the 'o my god did that really happen, the following is a true story [ this was my best man BEFORE this incident]
This man [lets call him Daryl] disappears from his highly paid job and large social scene for two weeks, upon his return he is disheveled and unwashed. His friends gather and decide in their collective wisdom to take Daryl to the pub.....cries of 'to much stress' 'a few beers will learn him'
Post pub Daryl is clearly delusional, laughing/ crying for no discernible reason.
Two of us decide to stay with him that night, with the intent of seeking medical advice in the morning. Shortly after the crowd leaves Daryl visits the toilet, squats [with the door open] and starts rocking back and forth muttering 'black''red''red'red''black' etc.....this went on till we persuaded him to turn in, by this time he is clearly catatonic.
The early hour's of the morning are broken by the sound of broken glass, Daryl has taken a chair and thrown it through the ranch slider window and disappeared.
We arise and pursue, shortly we come across a shoe, another shoe, a shirt....yes you guessed it Daryl is butt naked [apart from his socks]
By the time we come across the gas station [watching with a mixture of amazement and sadness from across the road] Daryl is striking his erect penis on the bonnet of a young woman's car, laughing hysterically and demanding she gets out so he can 'fuck her up the arse'. The gas attendant comes to the maiden's rescue and is rewarded by being thrown through the coke display. A taxi driver decides to help and has his van stoved in [Daryl uses the drivers head to accomplish this].
A crowd gathers, the police arrive and shortly after doctor's, Daryl is tranquilised and removed.
Three months later he is reinstated into his position and continues normally for 9 months, one day he drops his pants down to his knees and propositions [yeah you guessed it] Anal sex with the CEO'S Secretary.
These 'episodes' become more frequent over the years. Daryl is a manic depressant.

[Devil]

Three months later he is reinstated into his position and continues normally for 9 months, one day he drops his pants down to his knees and propositions [yeah you guessed it] Anal sex with the CEO'S Secretary.
These 'episodes' become more frequent over the years. Daryl is a manic depressant. [/FONT][/SIZE]
I feel for him. Dont you hate it when they just wont put out.
:innocent:

[The_Dover]

I feel for him. Dont you hate it when they just wont put out.
:innocent:

Just got to refine those powers of persuasion mate. Put a little sweetener in it for them...

[Fordy]

Good work fella.

If you haven't got a few tales to tell you haven't lived. My embarassing moment with important clients also involved copious alcohol and a night in Camden Town nick :Police:

[Devil]

Just got to refine those powers of persuasion mate. Put a little sweetener in it for them...
Sweetner! You're a genius. They're always saying shit like "my drink tastes funny".

[The_Dover]

See, that's where you're going wrong. You wanna get them a spiked Malibu. The coconut and rum masks the taste perfectly.

[SixPackBack]

Powdered 'Herbal 'E" will have 'em whistling dixie [ In the OJ]

[Cibby]

Powdered 'Herbal 'E" will have 'em whistling dixie [ In the OJ]


that stuff is good shit.. but the hango over the next day


:slap: :slap: :slap: :slap: :slap: :slap: :slap: :slap: :slap: